Please stop me walking out on my toddler

[Rockbird]

Every single thing is a battle. You put clothes on, she takes them off, she throws food on the floor, we have an hour tantrum every night going to bed. Every single thing, every thing is unbearable. There is full on screaming, kicking and throwing every 5 minutes, my nerves are shot to pieces. Yesterday was one of the worst afternoons of my life. I know she's 2 and a half, I know that's what they do. But I can't cope with her any more, I want to go and never come back. my life is miserable. Please tell me how you get through this because i don't think i can.

hi its very tuff my sons just the same hes 3.8 but he has specail needs have you spoke to your hv ,or maybe its the teriible twos ,you will get through it hugs x

I find toddlers to be much like dogs. They both need daily training, exercise, food and water. Do you go out with her much? Even if it just a run in the park.

My toddler is much easier to deal with once she has been walked and is given something to do like colouring/gluing etc.

And choose your battles. Leave the clothes off, it won't hurt her. She is throwing food for a reaction. Don't give her one. Just quietly clear it away once she is done. She will soon get bored.

Firstly, she doesn't get to scream AT you.

Lift her up, put her in her room and hold the door shut. Speak through the door - "When you have stopped screaming, I will open the door"

then just keep her there until she stops. sCREAMING TO GET YOUR OWN WAY ISN'T ACCEPTABLE AT ALL. Ooops sorry for caps.

Secondly - are you on your own with her? Get someone to have her for a couple of hours and go out and do something YOU want to do. there is nothing more exhausting than giving your all to someone who doesn't even approeciate it.

Is there anyone who can give you a break for an hour or two? It's amazing how much easier it is to get perspective on normal toddler behaviour when you've spent a bit of time away from them, When you spend every second with them it can be unbearable.

I do try to pick my battles, she doesn't wear clothes at home now. But even the nice things are ruined. We went on a picnic and to a little farm this week, totally ruined. Tried to make cakes yesterday which she loves, complete disaster. DH has been trying to get her ready to go out for the last 45 minutes.

You can you CAN. Because IT SHALL PASS. It really really will.

I know whereof I speak, because I also share my house with a 2yo and he is utterly VILE a lot of the time. But then just as I am bagging him up to advertise on Freecycle, it turns out he is coming down with Chicken Pox, or growing 4 molars at once, or something to make me feel guilty that I haven't been entirely understanding about his 24/7 fury.

I look at my lovely, helpful, funny, articulate, interesting, thoughtful 4yo and tell myself that she was one of these horrors not so long ago and she got better.

Hang in there.

tell him to stop trying and DO it.

Put clothes on her - she's 2.5 and tiny compared to an adult. breezy voice, lalala, there's your jumper, POP onto your head...

If you make a big deal about getting dressed with cajoling and coaxing and reasoning with what is basically a small bald chimp (toddlers mature concurrently with chimps until they are 3, by the way!) then the small bald chimp will think getting dressed is a big deal.

Actually if I were you I would go to the shop and don't come back until they've gone out.

Are you expecting too much of her? Making cakes might have been fun last week, but maybe she was tired/hungry this week?

Dd1 was a very difficult toddler I found she behaved better if you explained exactly was expected of her and what you would be doing e.g "We are going to Granny's house now, so in five minutes you will have to get dressed. Once you are at Granny's you aren't to scream, because it makes Granny's head hurt. And you aren't to jump on the furniture or steal sweets from the cupboard. You may choose a toy to take and show Granny and you can sit quietly and play with your toy. If you are good at Granny's we will go to the park/sweet shop on the way home, but if you are naughty you won't be able to do X (something they love) this week"

I always found she was worse if she was hungry or thirsty.

its nearly over i promise!

i have a neice and nephew who are 3 and nearly 3. last year i didnt like to give either of them house room they were both a nightmare and what i'd describe as total brats.

with the boy (3 in march) it was as if he was exchanged on xmas day for a completely different boy and since then he has been lovely! the girl who is 3 in september isnt quite there yet but my god the diffference in behaviour astonishes me!

its called terrible twos for a reason

hang in there x

thanks all. I know you're all talking sense. It's just so wearing. I put the clothes on, she takes them off, and repeat....

I generally explain to her what's going to happen, she could tell you what we're doing next Thursday! Maybe I don't do it enough with the immediate things. Definitely she's worse when tired, which she has been recently. We came back a week ago from a very busy, unsettling holiday and her routine was more out than I thought. I guess we're still paying for it...although she was a ratbag before that.

i'll exchange her for ds2. you'll want her back in no time!

I was you this time last year, I thought it would go on like that forever. But she hit 3 and turned a corner, got happy and it all got so much better. Are you at home all the time with her? I got a break when I went to work, arf. Dp and me got thru by taking it in turns. The park worked a treat or just a drive in the car( when she'd sleep). Get some babysitters, get some help. Try surestart or homestart too, they are lifesavers who'll make your life easier. You'll get thru this.

Yesterday she stood looking at me, took her nappy off and wee'd (sp?) on the floor. She's well able for no nappies, uses the toilet happily etc but any time I try to put her in pants she asks for the nappy, so it's not like we're training or anything, it was totally deliberate. That really pissed me off.

Then we had an hour tantrum because I wouldn't get something from the coffee table for her. She was sitting next to it, I was on the other side of the room. AARRGGHH!!!!

ben5, where shall we meet? :o

I work 3 days so do get a break from her. She can be so lovely and funny, yesterday I was crying and for the first time she came up and said 'what's the matter mummy?' and gave me cuddles. Usually I just get face.

She doesn't want to go out, kicks off if I suggest it and she usually loves the park etc.

I find with DS (2.3) the more effort I make to do special, lovely things the more wrong everything goes and the more peeved I get at his refusal to enjoy doing things he did a week ago.

If she won't do the park how about the garden?

I know exactly what you mean OP!

DS is 2.3 and sometimes he really pushes me to the limit!

I can't take him anywhere without it turning into a total disaster. Even nice "treats" for him like going to a farm or soft play centre etc.

Like colditz said, sometimes I just put on a sing song voice and get on with it, eg. getting dressed - just be very matter of fact about it - "Right, we are going to get you dressed now..." and just do it regardless of their protests!!!

It is HARD but remember it will PASS! Hopefully soon!

You are imbuing her behaviour with adult expectations.

She piddled on the floor to see what would happen because the world is an endlessly fascinating place and her entire waking life is all about doing things to see what happens. She didn't do it with malice, or any understanding of the adult implications of piddling on the floor. What I am trying to say is that she didn't do it to be mean. Don't take it personally.

Similarly, you say you usually get a face when you are crying. Are you expecting emotional support and understanding from your 2yo? I am sure you are not, so what are you expecting from her? Why take it personally when she doesn't give you a cuddle when you cry?

I don't say this to be harsh, and I am so sorry things are rotten for you and you are crying about things, but you need to adjust your expectations of your baby.

No no, of course I'm not expecting emotional support, that came out all wrong. I mentioned it to illustrate how lovely and caring she can be IYSWIM. It just struck me as a sort of milestone as she actually understood that I was upset. Goodness, I know I'm angry and at the end of my rope but I haven't lost all sense of reason.

My mistake, I misunderstood the point you were making.

It's ok, I'm sort of ranting anyway at the moment. :)

My DS was like this at two. I found giving simple choices around the issue in question was a great help, gave him a tiny bit of control over it - e.g. do you want to wear the red tee-shirt or the yellow tee-shirt? do you want to clean your teeth in the bath or after the bath? Having made the choice, he'd then often willingly go along with putting on clothes, cleaning teeth, or whatever.
Also, pick your battles and ignore the rest.
And I found hugs and cuddles ended tantrums very quickly; poor lamb would get so overwhelmed with the strenth of his own emotion.

www.sparklebox.co.uk/classman/routine/timetable/

I love these routine cards. She can see whats coming up and they may help.

2/3 year olds are beastly!

Please don't recommend sparklebox resources, the site was run by a convicted paedophile and most LEAs have stopped schools from using them.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8462650.stm

Most LEA's have but teachers download it at home and print out in school as the resources are good......terrible I know but the resources are good. The site doesn't make a profit does it?