4 year olds bad habits: tips on how to help her rather than shout at her!

[mrsbabookaloo]

I know that we all have to tell our 4 year olds the same things over and over again, but I'm getting so cross with dd and I know it's not really going to help.

The habits that are getting me down are:
wiping her hands on the table
wiping her nose/mouth on her clothes
putting clothes (her own, and other people's, even non family members) in her mouth
lying on the floor - in the very narrow hallway at home, outside, in shops, you name it.

I can't just keep saying "DON'T DO that!!"

I do get down on her level and try to explain why, not every time, but once out of every 25 times, say.

I know she really can't help it...she does these things as a reflex without even thinking about it; it's an ingrained habit.

Any tips on how to train her out of these things gently? Or am I just expecting too much?

bump

Have a flannel at the table ready for her to wipe her hands on,the others not sure, i wouldnt be too bothered by the lying on the floor thing, in fact likely to get down too.

Does she have a best friend/hero? We used to say to DS 'I bet X doesn't wipe his nose on his sleeve'

well I'm in exactly the same boat, so not sure if I have advice as much as sympathy. The bugbears here are nose picking, bottom wiping, (not) hand washing and generally idly letting her hands wander down her pants. (and all the above in one long germ-tastic succession!)
We have had successes in the past (with things like please and thank you, and covering her mouth when she sneezes, which are now par for the course) with good humoured/ jokey reminders so I'm hoping these will do the trick in the end.
I'm also trying to have the 'correct' alternative to hand - so slighly insane grin, clenched teeth 'do you need a tissue, darling?' while handing her one when she picks her nose, elaborately washing my own hands with enthusiastic commentary and distraction when she does something I don't want her to, but it is a long road.

I shout too, often, because I run out of patience, but it has never worked.

Oh I'll join you with the fractious 4's...DS also won't wipe his bottom, starts school in September and currently wants to be my "baby". Reverting by sucking his thumb and going "mama, mama" He NEVER sucked his thumb in the first place.

Actually, just typing that has made me realise that maybe he is subconsciously worried about starting school - what do you think?

Also, he keeps saying "shut up" which he has picked up from a friend with an older brother...It is driving me nuts!

pixie, is it just with you? DD wants to be my baby too (complete with first time thumb sucking!), but is fine when she's round at a friend's. It might be the thought of starting school, I guess.
I give into the babying - and overdo it. When I've wrapped her in a blanket and done clownish cuddling and ah diddums-ing for a minute or so she usually wriggles free and runs off.

Not going to help, but we are also there, so I shall watch this thread with interest. I find the only thing we can seem to do is rinse and repeat.

The ones I find particularly frustrating is her continued eating with her fingers. She knows how to use a knife and fork, does it fine, just keeps picking things up. We will tell her and she says 'oh yes, i forgot' picks up her fork, then 2 seconds late is eating a scoop of spaghetti with her fingers!

Taking my food. She just pinches some, without asking. At EVERY meal. Even though its the same as hers. Started to do it with DS's food now too. As with the fork eating, it has been years of telling her not to. Not sunk in yet.

Another food one - standing up at the table. She stands on her chair, constantly, We have had to put her booster back on, but its not her being small that is the issue. She just keeps doing it.

Taking her pants/trousers/skirt/tights off EVERY time she goes to the loo.

Another one with the idle hands wondering down pants. She doesn't always even 'fiddle' just likes her hand there for some reason!

Flushes the toilet before and after using it, and when doing a poo, often during as she does not like poo in the loo.
There are lots more, they are the biggest issues. I too sometimes get too shouty after the millionth time of repeating myself. But have found nothing has worked. But with other things, she has learnt through repetition eventually (coughing with hands over her mouth, washing hands after going to the loo etc).

kingfix we do that over baby ing too, she loves it! I have even put her on DSs changing table and pretended to change her nappy! Sometimes I give her really babyness though, like when she is very tired and wants me to feed her, I will feed her the last two mouthfuls, but very rarely. And I indulge a little because she has a new brother but mostly she wants to be babied til i do it then wants to be grown up again!

Oh what fun, my almost 4 year old also drives me round the bend. sucks clothes, licks clothes and bites, all other peoples, great, oh and also licks windows, especially when he's out! wipes dirty hands on clothes even when wipes or flannels are available. flushes the toilet with the seat up, bleuch. amazingly, at the moment, he's stopped taking his trousers/pants off when doing a poo. fiddling with his willy, all the time. sucks his finger, even though he knows he will get a bike if he stops completely. doesn't listen to all the conversation and so gets himself all worked up. talking like a cat, meow blimin meow. dives on me instead of sitting nicely for a cuddle. picks his nose. throws food half way across the lounge, especially banana skin and the nobbly bit at the end of the banana. he used to stuff apple cores down the back of the sofa. Twirls around on my long cardigan. G-d help any women that marries my son . And i haven't even started with my almost 2 ½ year old

Great to read all these replies, which makes me realise what things we have had successes with (covering your mouth when you cough) and what OTHER things we also have problems with: yes, using hands instead of knife and fork.

And again, she just doesn't even know she's doing it...you could be talking to her about using her knife and fork, and she'll be picking food up with her hands at the same time without realising.

I swear she used to be better at all this stuff...using knife and fork, asking for tissue for nose and kitchen roll for hands, and has got worse.

The kitchen roll can be right there, next to her plate for her hands, and she will still wipe her hands on the table or her chair.

And toilet habits not great....but not too bad for a 4 year old I suppose. Handwashing can be a bit hit and miss, but I think improving.

I have to confess that I'm quite understanding about the hands down the pants thing. It's just a warm place to put your hand. I think we'd all do it if we weren't trained out of it. but of course, that's what we're talking about, training them out of bad habits. It's just that that one doesn't bother me as much, as long as she's not actually fiddling round down there.

Starlight: I'm very interested by your mention of "mild sensory issues"...please elaborate....she is a very sensual child, I would say to a slightly obsessive degree. Would like to hear more.

I agree, I try to be understanding - after all there's not much incentive to do these things for a 4 year old.

I also understand the hands down pants, but it is one of those social niceties she'll have to learn (my dd I mean! I'm not ticking you off!). I try to say it's fine when she's on her own in her room but not in public, but that distinction is pretty meaningless at her at the moment.

Part of all this for me is my concerns about her starting school in a few weeks when she's just turned 4. How tolerant and encouraging will her teachers and classmates be?

The thing that makes me laugh is how disaproving she is of her friends who still do the things she has learnt not to - the zeal of the convert I guess.

I have one of these too!

DS wipes his hands on his clothes when he's eating (despite having a napkin/ flannel/ paper towel) and it drives me bonkers. He doesn't even know he's doing it half the time although he knows when I glare at him and typical conversation now seems to be, "DS, stop wiping your hands on your clothes" and his innocent response, "It wasn't my clothes, it was the cushion"

And also with the eating with his fingers. He is perfectly capable of using a knife and fork but he'll hold them properly and continue to use his fingers

Thankfully his toilet habits are pretty good, bar the weeing all over the floor but I think that's just a boy thing.

I've tried all the positive stuff, ignoring, gentle reminders, redirecting etc but nothing seems to help.

Wow it seems as though this is a common thing at this age and my dd is infact normal!!

LOL This is not a good thread to read - our DD1 is 3 1/4 and already doing pretty much all of these bad habits - I read the thread out to my DH and he assumed I'd written it :o

ARGH! I hear your pain. My DS does sooo many of these things, the one that gets me most is wiping his nose/mouth on his collar. grr.

Can type much more as feeding DD but I hear ya!!

oh no advice really except I use to keep baby wipes at the table.

Mt ds is 6 this week and still does all these things so no shouting doesn't work

His worst one is playing his toys in the doorway or at the bottom of his bed. I do explain over and over when he has to pack them away for bedtime if he played the other side of the room where they aren't in the way they could stay out.

I feel so much better: I'm not alone!

Ooooo glad it's not just me. Dd1 (nearly 4) has a multitude of habits that drive me insane but I don't know what to do about it!! Wiping hands in hair or on clothes after eating with fingers when perfectly capable of eating with knife and fork; talking to me or throwing a wobbly whilst admiring herself in whatever reflective surface is nearby (kettle, oven, tv); emptying a whole toy drawer out in 3 secs and taking over half an hour to put them back when she could just chuck them all in in a minute; asking questions constantly and either not listening to the answer or not giving me chance to think of an answer before asking again and again and again; humming at full volume while eating (louder if dd2 is crying just to be especially helpful); interrupting my conversations with anyone else to talk gibberish; and my biggest bug bear.... Ignoring me when I speak to her or ask a question when she's heard perfectly well! I even had her ears tested - how stupid did I feel when her hearing came back perfect!
Hmmmm, just read that back and feel awful complaining now - she's brill in so many ways. :-(( "skulks off to write list of positive things about dd1"

I too am releived to read this. My charming DD

Picks nose and eats it, even goes "mmmm" [angry}

Takes all lower clothes off when she has goes to the loo and leaves them there.

If I am cleaning with bleach or spill somethig nasty she will try and dip her finger in it and lick it, I think this is because she knows it makes me hysterical and its fun to watch

Pulls her little brother's willy in the bath and laughs.

Love this thread. thank you mrsb no advise but definately empathy!

Here obsessed reader my dh does the whole repeating question

"...asking questions constantly and either not listening to the answer or not giving me chance to think of an answer before asking again and again and again; humming at full volume while eating"

obsessivereader, I think my DS is related to your DD.

This is rapidly becoming a support thread...
I too have a 4yo like this.
She constantly sucks her hair or her clothes! Drives me insane!
She is so dreamy! Constantly need to remind about cutlery, and bottom wiping, though thankfully she loves washing her hands

Not only do I have to repeat everything 15 times to her ( though she does have hearing problems) then SHE repeats everything to me 30 times, even when I have acknowledged or responded to the first and second (and third ) time she said it.

They grow out of it, yes?

This is rapidly becoming a support thread...
I too have a 4yo like this.
She constantly sucks her hair or her clothes! Drives me insane!
She is so dreamy! Constantly need to remind about cutlery, and bottom wiping, though thankfully she loves washing her hands

Not only do I have to repeat everything 15 times to her ( though she does have hearing problems) then SHE repeats everything to me 30 times, even when I have acknowledged or responded to the first and second (and third ) time she said it.

They grow out of it, yes?