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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

4 year olds bad habits: tips on how to help her rather than shout at her!

40 replies

mrsbabookaloo · 16/08/2010 11:59

I know that we all have to tell our 4 year olds the same things over and over again, but I'm getting so cross with dd and I know it's not really going to help.

The habits that are getting me down are:
wiping her hands on the table
wiping her nose/mouth on her clothes
putting clothes (her own, and other people's, even non family members) in her mouth
lying on the floor - in the very narrow hallway at home, outside, in shops, you name it.

I can't just keep saying "DON'T DO that!!"

I do get down on her level and try to explain why, not every time, but once out of every 25 times, say.

I know she really can't help it...she does these things as a reflex without even thinking about it; it's an ingrained habit.

Any tips on how to train her out of these things gently? Or am I just expecting too much?

OP posts:

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Original poster

mrsbabookaloo · 17/08/2010 09:57

A lot of these things are ringing very loud bells here - repeating things, not listening etc but I'm going to stick to the ones I mentioned above in my OP as the ones that drive me the most crackers, and i also think I should maybe tackle them one at a time.

A week focussing only on using a knife and fork, a week on wiping your hands on a napkin, a week on not chewing clothes. It's hard for them when we're just saying DON'T do that about everything.

OP posts:

kingfix · 17/08/2010 10:06

mrsb a friend of mine does that one thing at a time...but she says it takes a month! So it was July for listening, August for washing hands and so on. Patience, patience.

I will try not to show my irritation. It has got to the point with nose picking that I think she partly does it to get a rise out of me.

Also, and I know there are lots of threads on this, have you read 'how to talk so kids will listen'? I took it on our summer holidays and have been trying one or two of the suggestions, with a surprising and delightful amount of success. Now if I could just be serene all the time...

Original poster

mrsbabookaloo · 17/08/2010 13:58

Kingfix...thanks for reminder re "how to talk so kids will listen"...it's in a pile of other slef-helpy type things on my bedside, but not looked at for months!

OP posts:

Grockle · 17/08/2010 14:53

Montmarte, I am frequently heard saying, 'Yes, I know, I heard you. STOP repeating yourself'

Typical 'conversation' goes like this:

Mummy, shall we go to the beach. I think we should go to the beach. Do you want to go to the beach? We could walk there. Shall we go? Do you want to go to the beach mum? Mummy, let's go to the beach. I think we should walk to the beach. Mummy? MUMMY? Are we going to the beach?

If he stopped for one second, he'd have given me time to say, "Yes, good idea, let's go to the beach" but he never gives me a chance to respond!

Grockle · 17/08/2010 14:56

And it's not only about exciting things, he does that with everything. I love him to bits and haven't seen him for weeks and miss him terribly but goodness, four year olds can be infuriating! Still, he makes me laugh and if I take a step back and just listen to him rabbiting on, all these things that drive me bonkers are actually quite endearing and he's fab. I wouldn't change him from the world (except the wiping his hands on the cushion when he has a napkin )

cockles · 17/08/2010 15:01

What about grunting? Mine grunts or snorts constantly. It drives me crazy and I can't keep nagging him about it!

KnackeredOfLeeds · 17/08/2010 15:12

Mine too is a snot smeared food wiped walking mass of edible bogey, that's hands are always in his food.. even his drinks.. arrghh it drives me insane..

I have just come to the conclusion that it's attention seaking DS is 4 (just) and DD is 1.5.. If I can call it attention seaking I try to ignore him and it actually gets a bit better or I'm just not looking?? he would rather spend his mealtimes teaching his little sister to do exactly the same as he does Grrrr...

yama · 17/08/2010 15:27

I'm so glad I opened this thread.

My 4 year old has recently started doing the following:

wiping dirty hands on her clothes
sucking her thumb and other fingers
kneeling on her chair at mealtimes
demanding I wipe her bum

She has stopped saying please and thank you without prompting.

I try to cut her some slack as she is about to start school and dc2's arrival is imminent.

Good to know it's a stage.

volorg · 17/08/2010 16:58

Thank you for making me laugh so much! Have been tearing my hair out about trying to get my nearly 4yo to basically listen!

My biggest bugbear is her refusal to listen plus, when told off for this/told to stop the particular behaviour, throwing herself to the floor and having a tant even though I have (usually, on a good day) not even raised my voice.

Will try and remember that I am in a very large club next time it happens.

Seriously, haven't laughed so hard for a while

Nettiespagetti · 19/08/2010 11:27

oh and dont forget the continual. "Get your hands out of your trousers"

lorna3 · 20/08/2010 15:45

Aw I'm feeling for everyone on this thread, and worrying for when dd3 gets to this age.
dd1 and 2 have grown out of nearly all of it - they do like to try and avoid washing their hands, actually most things avoiding water really!

Bunsouttheoven · 21/08/2010 00:44

My dd is 4 too & drivng me bonkers with ignoring me, incessant talking without listening, refusing to be told anything, no longer saying please/thankyou, whining & cross shouting/tantrums. I previously read on another thread that the 'terrible twos' turn into the 'fucking fours' & they are not wrong.
My dd is wonderful in so many ways but is also driving me a bit potty atm! Before I go to sleep at night I vow to have more patience though I seem to run short about tea time. Funny thing is I thought I had boundless patience but the ffing fours coupled with long term sleep deprivation due to her 17 months old brother has left me thinking otherwise!

AuntieBulgaria · 10/06/2012 20:46

I know this thread is two years old but I was going through all the 'fours' threads and this one sums up my DD perfectly at the moment.

The wiping of hands on dresses, the sudden lack of manners after being really quite polite for quite a while, the incessant yelling of 'muuuum' from another room. She also has the table manners of a savage, albeit a savage who is fairly finnicky about food.

And for my part, the forgetting about praising the good behaviour, the over-estimating what she should be capable of, given she is still only four, the general one step forward two step back of all of the other months/years of her short life so far.

She's back from grandma's tomorrow night. I resolve to have more encouragement and less tetchiness.

DestinationUnknown · 10/06/2012 20:54

Great post AuntieBulgaria - thread may be old but it sums up where ds is at right now & you have reminded me to work on my own attitude! I bore myself with all the nagging I do right now...

montmartre · 26/02/2013 22:45

Just coming back to this thread... mainly because now it's my youngest behaving like this, especially the repeating everything ten thousand times. Reading my post about my DD, makes me realise lots of it was 'just a phase', thank goodness!

She's still incredibly dreamy though... I think that's her nature really.

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