DD, DH & I need to set ground rules for the summer holidays - we are having a family meeting - we need help

[KatyMac]

We are having a meeting this afternoon

DH & I are likely to disagree on what is acceptable so we are having a pre-meeting (which I think goes against the family meeting ethos - but it saves rowing in front of DD)

Where on earth do we start - I am thinking behaviours/chores/sanctions??

But what does everyone else do?

(this is made worse by my working F/T from home & having clients visit frequently)

What we don't do is start the school holidays coming expecting radical changes in behaviour & duties. Surely, it's got to be a natural extension of what they already do? I expect my child (10) to make his bed and tidy his room up, for example.. and for the holidays I'd expect that to carry on. If there are particular aspects to your daughter's behaviour you don't like then try to think what it is you'd like them to do more of, perhaps.... rather than saying 'if you do X you will be punished' it becomes 'if you do Y more often you will be rewarded.'

yes but she spends 8 hrs of my working day at school in term time

Previous holidays she has been 'entertained' by various summer school/guide camps etc which are not running this year - so poor soul has 10 hrs of at work time

Rule 1. Don't be a Dingbat
Rule 2. Keep Calm and Carry On.
Rule 3. Be Nice to Each Other.

I think that covers it.

Everyone's child spends 8 hours a day at school! Rather than setting rules, chores and duties maybe just spend some time together, see what happens and go with the flow?

I'm thinking:

Structure for the boring stuff (hygiene/medication/music practise/chores)

Rewards for non-boredom/appropriate behaviour

Some way of getting across "unless the house is burning down or someone is being hurt leave mummy alone while talking to clients"

Issues around "How do we fill the rest of her day?"

Chil - I am at "work" for 5 of the weeks

Anything else?

katymac - i take my hat off to you for working from home full-time for 5 of the summer holiday weeks. no way could i do that with my two (9 and 7). i can't believe there are no holiday camps at all this year around where you are - how come they've all stopped?! - that's Very Bad News Indeed!! we live in the absolute rural sticks but even here i have managed to find a week here and there of activities to enrol them into. i can't see how else you're going to do this! She must be an astonishingly self-controlled child that you can contemplate this at all - I just can't imagine how I would work that. Mine are frequently fine, but they are also frequently pretty demanding - it's the unpredictability of how much or how little they seem to need/require from me on any given day that would make working from home so stressful for me.
I massively enrol other parents for playdates etc during the hols, too - do you feel you just can't overdo that, I suppose, given how many days you've got to 'cover'? Any local family? Workday sharing with DH?!

It sounds as though you're looking for problems before they start a bit ... and how old is DD as this has huge bearing on what she might (or might not) get up to..

I worked f/t at home from before her birth to about 12years old (now go out to work) and she's always integrated into my day - knows not to disturb me when clients were round or I was busy etc, but equally if I had a 'light' day we'd go off and do something she wanted to do - it was all a bit of give and take, not fixed rules...

DH is home but not dramatically well

Playdates - having extra here is great but I get offered "we'll have her for a few hours" so I can't get her there/collect her so it doesn't really work.

She does fine most of the time - but 3 of the weeks she did last year just aren't happening this year

My 'work' is quite flexible but the whole running small nursery/childminding thing precluded so much for her......."can I have an ice cream"/"yes in the front garden where no one can see"

We do a fair amount after 6 but it will be hard - hence rules/family meeting

Sounds mad!!

I have 5 dc to keep occupied, and I love the challenge. But rules etc are the same ones as always....... And they need to relax a bit and have some FUN

Can you try and arrange some sleepovers? Have you got any friends or family she could visit for a couple of days at a time to break it up.

It's a bit of a nightmare for you this summer!

I know - nightmare but also we do need to be together atm more than most summers; if I had a different job I'd have taken unpaid leave just to be with her this year, but I can't

So we have to deal with it

I'm planning structured after 6 stuff (like the beach, shopping, library) - thinking 3 nights a week

I should be able to get her to London for a long weekend with family - but she doesn't really want to go (this may change)

I did wonder about buying a cheap tent so she can sleep in the back garden but then I thought that was a bit silly this year

Is your dd recovered, KatyMAc?

Library for audio books and then she can dictate reviews and type them up for herself?

Not really recovered but she does have a bit more sight

Yes practising her touch typing needs to happen

& she has a music lesson each week

But over dependence on computers/TV/DS is completely out & reading will be a big loss (normally hours spent lay on her bed reading)

I wonder if you can rent cd audio books from somewhere, or cheaply through the library?

It all sounds very formal. Don;t you already have a holiday routine in place? How old is dd?

Very pleased to hear that her sight is improving

So are we

Poncydog - most of the things she did in the holidays she can't do any more

Pixie - That looks fab - I will talk to DH when he gets in, & borrow the money from somewhere

Pixie DH says NO

old boss of mine told me she used to begin every summer holidays with an enormous row, slap all the children and send them to their room for hours. after that they usually behaved much better.

i have modified it a bit but usually a huge fight in the first week clears the air a bit and warns the buggers to behave a bitnicer for a week or so.

Maybe I'll try that