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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Crying....do I really have to?

32 replies

Fifilottie · 23/07/2010 19:56

I have no problem bf DD to sleep at bedtimes but her naps in the day are a night mare. I spend about an hour trying to get her to go down for naps. I am not a meany...she is tired and I am not just trying to make her sleep as a routine. When she is genuinely tired she cannot self sooth. I have ried everything. A blanky type comforter...a nap routine(not yet tried dummy), I am really interested in controlled crying experiences. My dd was born early and maybe I have been over protective. Dp thinks we should let her cry to sleep...but does it really work. Need to learn more? Dp thinks I am soft and that I should go out if we need to try controlled crying.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

colditz · 23/07/2010 19:58

Don't, I'm guessing that she's under one, therefore it's thought to be damaging and inappropriate.

Try putting her down 2 hours after she last woke up. Don't wait for her to be shattered.

Original poster

Fifilottie · 23/07/2010 20:10

Yes, I thought the same. She always shows tired cues after two hours of being awake. I really have tried/read and researched everything...I don't really wait for her to be shattered. I Put her down when I know she is tired but she needs attention to sleep. Dp and I don't get why everyone says "put them down" at a specific point as she is just unwilling to self sooth...sorry have put threads on here before with the same problem. I love love my DD but my whole life is spent trying to soothe her to a sleep she really wants and needs. DP is worrrying too as she wont let him sooth her to sleep so all is on my shoulders and I can see that he feels useless in that situation. I can't help but think that Cc will help.

colditz...she is five months

OP posts:

colditz · 23/07/2010 20:16

tooooooo young. Just cuddle her. She'll grow out of it.

notyummy · 23/07/2010 20:20

Sleep cues? We used the same lullaby cd everytime which helped dd start to work out what was going on.

MrsBadger · 23/07/2010 20:22

5m?
soothe her
she is too young to do it herself

Original poster

Fifilottie · 23/07/2010 20:22

Thank you. A little reassurance is a good thing. My maternal instinct tells me when she cries I should pick her up. It just feels like the right thing to do... I can't ignore my instincts...but but people tell me that cc makes life easier...Really??? My question is just for learning and help....not judging

OP posts:

Habbibu · 23/07/2010 20:23

Oh, much too young. Will she not feed to sleep for naps? Can you schedule a walk for roughly the same time each day so that she falls asleep in pram/sling? And yes, introduce sleep cues, but be aware that they may not register with her for a while.

People say "put them down" about other people's children...

ttalloo · 23/07/2010 20:30

I disagree with other posters - IME babies can self-soothe but they need to get used to falling asleep by themselves when they are still a few weeks old. I don't mean controlled crying but just putting them in their cot with a full tummy, clean nappy and well burped when they are tired so that they can snuffle themselves to sleep.

I did this with DS2 because I knew that I wouldn't have the time to cuddle him to sleep at every nap and bedtime as I'd had to do with DS1. Which made for a pretty difficult first couple of years.

But I do agree that at five months your DD is too little for controlled crying, and it's better to do as habbibu says and time her need for naps with trips out in the pram. That's what I ended up doing with DS1 in order to avoid being a human mattress for umpteen hours a day.

Original poster

Fifilottie · 23/07/2010 20:35

Tu Habbibu. I realy doooo everything? She does not feeed to nap in the day as feeds in the day give her energy. I schedule everything. I feel like i am doing it all right. She is an attention seeker. She growls at us continuously. DP and I just want to make her happy. Is she really too young as we dont know what to do

OP posts:

plantsitter · 23/07/2010 20:37

I would cuddle DD tight while dancing quite vigorously to a kids' CD when she was this age and she used to drift off pretty quickly. Has the advantage that a year later the same CD will send her to sleep if necessary!

Habbibu · 23/07/2010 20:40

God, ttalloo - mine both went bonkers if left like that, clean, warm, winded, sleepy. Red faces, tears, screaming, the works. DD was fed to sleep until she packed it in of her own accord, and was a fab sleeper to 6mo, terrible 6mo-12mo, and great then on. DS is terrible full stop, but that's a long and refluxy story...

Fifi - all 5mo are attention-seekers. they're programmed to be that way! You're doing fine. the first few months are a real voyage of discovery, and some babies are easier than others - they're wee people with their own personalities. Hang on in there.

Original poster

Fifilottie · 23/07/2010 21:05

TU will try my best

OP posts:

Roo83 · 23/07/2010 21:10

I used to just take ds out for a walk in the pushchair, even if he screamed the whole way round he'd eventually drop off it kept going!! Not the easiest way but at least it kept me fit too. Also once he eas crawling/walking he seemed to tire himself out properly and would nap much more easily and for longer periods too.

Hang on in there, most things at this age are a phase and they change very quickly

Original poster

Fifilottie · 23/07/2010 21:15

T U roo. x I hope it will be ok. DP wants More inf on CC though,,yes a man wants advice from mnts...dare I day.xxx

OP posts:

plantsitter · 23/07/2010 21:16

I realised I sounded a bit smug in my post. What I should've said was

'one day while I was trying desperately to distract DD from screaming her head off but not going to sleep, I put some music on and danced with her. I sobbed gratefully when she fell asleep in my arms and from that day on doing the same thing worked.'

Just so you know.

Original poster

Fifilottie · 23/07/2010 21:23

x thank you plant sitter x

OP posts:

TheHouseofMirth · 23/07/2010 22:12

Both my DS have been cuddled to sleep (though actually we did a fair amount of dancing with DS2 too!). I could personally never ignore my child if they were in distress so CC's definitely not for me but that's probably not of interest to your DP so here's some other info. Even advocates of CC believe it should not be used in babies under 1 year old.

hefferlump · 23/07/2010 22:23

Cuddle her, feed her, love her and at the end of the day go with your gut and your heart........ she'll grow out of it in the nicest way - knowing how loved she is by you xxx

dearprudence · 23/07/2010 22:25

I'd give her a dummy, myself.

My DS didn't have one until about 5 months as he didn't seem interested, but one day I tried him again and it was a total godsend from then on.

I know lots of people don't like them but I wouldn't have been without it.

I really dislike CC.

ttalloo · 23/07/2010 22:30

lovely post hefferlump

KickArseQueen · 23/07/2010 22:34

Waaay to young for controlled crying, you don't "have" to do controlled crying to get her to sleep. There are other ways. Why is your dp so set on using controlled crying on such a young baby?

Quality · 23/07/2010 22:37

I cuddled DD1 to sleep for her naps until she started reception. it was a nice 10 minute break in my day.
DD2 goes down for a nap but she goes faster if cuddled. It forces you to stop doing stuff and lie down for a minute. i find a lie down on the sofa with come dine with me on and they are out in 10 minutes. No bother.

funnysinthegarden · 23/07/2010 22:43

give her a dummy and let her grizzle for a few minutes without going back in to her. DS2 is 5 months old and goes off to sleep without any problems, once he is left to his own devices of a bit.

BTW CC is not the same as letting them grouse and moan for while in their cots.

violetsmile · 24/07/2010 08:46

s was same with naps, was so hard because if he got over tired, he fought sleep even more and became hysterical! 5 months is far too young for crying herself to sleep, she is a tiny baby and it feels like it's been going on forever to you now but seriously it will stop. I still can not leave my 3 yr old to cry now but actually have bever had to because when he was about 11 months he just settled himself and we;ve never looked back. It doesn't last forever.

Agree with quality, after months of rocking him to sleep while he screamed, he gradually just wanted me to lay on the sofa with him for a nap. I still do it now sometimes, not because he asks me to, but just because I like it!

Quality · 24/07/2010 09:31

oh yes, second what funny says, there is a big difference between crying and being upset and moaning and grumping. The first I would never leave, the second I never respond to!

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