Sod's Law as applied to Child Rearing...add your own here!

[PussinJimmyChoos]

No-one will want to pop in for a visit when your child is playing delightfully with minimum mess. Expect lots of visitors when they are smearing sudocrem on the curtains and having toxic nappies

They will ALWAYS nap for hours when you are wide awake and in the mood to play

They will ALWAYS be wide awake when you have a stinking cold and wish to lie on sofa gasping quietly

They will never need the loo in places where the loos are clean and child friendly

They will need the loo in places where the loos are life of grime

The one time you forget the potty/the spare pants/the wipes will be the time that they poo their pants or wet themselves

Food that you have lovingly prepared from scratch will be rejected

The same food that they reject from you, they will eat with gusto at nursery/granny's/friend's house

They will always need a wee/poo just as you have got into the bath/shower

They will decide to have a lie in just when you need to be up early

put a nice outfit on your child. you have just created a muck-magnet.

your childrens favourite word which they say all the time will sound like a swearword.

They will be on their deathbed until you take them to the GP's/Hospital, and then they will be right as rain, making you look like an idiot.

In the months running up to Christmas, they set their heart on an expensive and difficult to get hold of toy. They talk about said toy morning, noon and night. They write their letter to Santa begging for this toy. You travel miles across London to the only shop that sells the toy, pay above the odds, get it home and smugly wrap it and put it away ready for Christmas. At 6pm on Christmas eve, they tell you that they've changed their mind, that toy is actually not very good at all and there is a completely different toy that they are now desperate for. They ask you to help them write a new letter to Santa while you pour yourself a large glass of wine and try to restrain yourself from shouting expletives.

They winge and whine all through a shopping trip about wanting to go on one of those stupid, over priced car rides that go round and round. You finally give in, sit them on, put the money in and they instantly cry and want lifted off.

You and your DH haven't had a night out in ages so you book grandma to come and baby sit and plan a night out (meal + cinema).
As soon as cinema is booked DS starts teething and is up 2/3 times a night. So we are tired but decide that we need a night out so we force ourselves to still go in the hope that tomorrow is Saturday and the DC's might sleep in.
We have a nice evening, but come back to DS screaming in his room for the 3rd time that night and as a consequence DD didn't get to bed until really late.
Saturday morning arrives and they are both awake and ready for action at 6am, but because they have not had enough sleep they are both incredibly grumpy and every little thing is like the end of the world.
DD's swimming lesson turns into a complete nightmare as she is not listening to a thing the instructor says and prefers to lie on her back with her eys closed than do any swimming (usually pretty good)and then manages to lock herself in the toilet and is unable to get out. etc etc etc.
Anyhow you get the picture. So after a day from hell when you are counting the minutes until an early bedtime you finally collapse onto the sofa with a large glass of vino and think 'was it worth it!'

loving this thread

Despite virulently infecting all the local nursery children for weeks and weeks, the chicken pox will only errupt when you are about to go on holiday (this happened to me on two separate occasions!)

DS (now 9) has thwarted many of our attempts to have a nice romantic meal in a posh restaurant by getting an injury that requires stitches and several long hours in a&e. How does he know to do it on a Friday night?!

they tell you they want to speak to granny when you are on the phone, but as soon as you hand it over they go mute

they tell you they only want strawberry toothpaste but once its on the brush they demand mint

they demand cold milk at bedtime but as soon as you hand it over they want warm

they only want to sit next to mummy then kick off because daddy is over there

they do a brilliant job on a floor puzzle leaving you full of praise but when you have someone there to see it they sit there chewing the nobs off

they show a pasion for something and eat it over and over but when you put it front of them at a friends house they say ' dats gusting'

you order something for them in a restaurant which they have chosed but when it arrives they say 'don't want / liek' that

Druzhok, yours are brilliant

Also PMSL at "When you carefully make them a birthday cake in the shape of a volcano (their current passion), they will burst into tears and tell you that birthday cakes are supposed to be flat on top."

The one about the favourite words sounding like swearwords - whenever DH and I have a bottle of wine DS shouts "I WANT COCK" (cork) - only a matter of time before this happens in public.

they laugh and laugh when you throw them in the air at home, as soon as you do it in front of granny they burst into tears and do sniff-sniff-sob for ages afterwards

When you are driving on your own in the car without darling little ones, you see multiple tractors, diggers, trains going over bridges while you are driving under them etc etc etc

The little darling begs and nags and a begs abit omre to go to dance/ gym /whatever activity they have taken a fancy to.

After hours and hours searching for said activity/club After you have paid for a term they then refuse point blank to go. scream, shout, cry cling to you. Oh but they would have loved the free session. bless

At 0835, every single weekday of every single term, every single four year old in the land needs a poo.

The night you accidently get pissed and go to bed late they will wake up in the night, having not done so for ages. And then punish you by waking up at 5.30.

so true queenofsleep - I had a rare night out while DH stayed in & sober few weeks ago. Ds woke several times in the night so we both had to get up - being sick everywhere and going through three lots of bedding/towels/pyjamers etc, then guess who had to wash them all the next day

Send out party invitations - dc then falls out with friends and wants to 'uninvite' them.

I think it has rained at some point every year for my dc's july birthday in the garden (not exactly looking promising at the moment!)

One time I actually remembered PTA cake sale it was cancelled.

Took home made cakes for youngest dd's birthday at nursery - 2 other birthdays same day and so they weren't given out.

They will always decide they need to use the loo YOU are using at the time (we have three FGS, but no, they have to use the one I'm on).

And yes, Colditz - it was at about 8.35am and he is 4

When you're a first time mum and start to think that you may just have the hang of going out with a newborn so decide that you don't really need to pack the spare top for yourself in the nappy bag (at the time thinking to oneself, they can't sick up that much can they and feeling v smug about being more efficient) - DS decides to do an explosive poo in the coffee shop, soaking through all his clothes and covering half the front of your white top in a huge yellow poo stain.

You have to do the walk of shitty shame all the way home

These are fantstic and so true, must go in classics

They will always do the complete opposite of anything you tell anyone else they've been doing. For example:

Yes he sleeps through now you say... Not anymore

Oh he eats everything he's great with food...suddenly refuses to eat anthing but yogurts

Yes Mil he's walking... stops for 2 months making you look like a liar

Oh he's been good as gold recently, I love looking after him. I say to another mum who knows DS was terrible for a while.....that was a week ago and the very next day he turned back into the brat from hell and is keeping it up much to my delight

he has a nearly 100% success rate at doing this, I mean how does he know? I've taken to just saying nothing now in the hope he can't out smart me

I will never let my children watch so much TV/eat sugar/be so badly behaved/have a car that looks like a rubbish dump . . . .I thought before I had children.

How they have taken all these thoughts on board - did they hear them in the womb?

My DS2 has "CBeebies" as nearly his first word . . . after "shuddup"

these are briliant

wigglemama yep, so true! Anyone else have this with babies who (as bumps) went quiet and so you had to go in for monitoring at the hopsital... at which point said baby started kicking loads making you look right daft?!

sod's law of parenting also dictates that it lashes down with rain at exactly the point when you have to strap your little darling into the car seat this giving you a soaked back and bum....

They will always repeat something you said, whether you wanted it to be repeated or nor.