Sod's Law as applied to Child Rearing...add your own here!

[PussinJimmyChoos]

No-one will want to pop in for a visit when your child is playing delightfully with minimum mess. Expect lots of visitors when they are smearing sudocrem on the curtains and having toxic nappies

They will ALWAYS nap for hours when you are wide awake and in the mood to play

They will ALWAYS be wide awake when you have a stinking cold and wish to lie on sofa gasping quietly

They will never need the loo in places where the loos are clean and child friendly

They will need the loo in places where the loos are life of grime

The one time you forget the potty/the spare pants/the wipes will be the time that they poo their pants or wet themselves

Food that you have lovingly prepared from scratch will be rejected

The same food that they reject from you, they will eat with gusto at nursery/granny's/friend's house

They will always need a wee/poo just as you have got into the bath/shower

They will decide to have a lie in just when you need to be up early

You give them a bath then they do an explosive poo (the type with all the little unexplained specs that are almost impossible to remove with a wet wipe).
You buy them something amazing for Christmas/birthday and they have more fun playing with the box.
You put blankets/cushions on the TV unit/coffee table/hearth and they fall into the toybox behind the sofa

You will loiter by the phone aalll morning waiting for an important phone call, only for it to happen when you're upstairs dealing with a pootastrophe.

P.S edwardcullensotherwoman the unexplained hard to remove specks are nearly always Weetabix. We have been puzzling this for years.

They will choose the day that grandparents visit to really test the boundaries of what you'll take and/or spectacularly hurt themselves, leading to much pursing of GP lips at your poor parenting skills.

Always very selective in the holiday activities they choose to write about at school.

Last half term we went to the Tate Modern, we visited the local museum, we rode on bikes. We did art projects, we made muffins. We visited Grandma. His friends came to play.

But according to his school book, all we did all week was to go to Argos...

Also, they will be spoiled by Sky+ and not understand that you can't pause or rewind programmes at Granny's house, leading to major meltdowns.

When I was growing up we only had three channels and even they were only available for part of the day [rearranges boob a la Les Dawson] Kids today don't know they're born

They will always fall over and hurt themselves (black eye/split lip/grazed chin etc) the day before you go visiting/to the HV/family wedding

They will show a complete inability to count to 10 for granny, but are able to tell Daddy to the nearest penny how much Mummy spent on her new shoes which she is pretending were in the sales.

They will spend all afternoon shrieking hysterically but will suddenly be cheerful and laughing as soon as DH walks in the door.

Age 6 months, they will happily fall asleep in the arms of a creche worker, despite having failed to do that with either parent since the age of 2 weeks.

I love these

You phone the emeregency out of hours doctors describing your lethargic child who has no appetite and a temperature only to arrive at the doctor's with a bouncy, smiling bundle of energy!

when you are at your most tired ever, when you daren't sit down for fear of falling asleep instantly, when leaning against a wall could result in slumping to the floor with a little bit of dribble coming from your mouth, THAT is when the little darling finds the secret sweet stash and runs laps around the walls whilst dragging the baby behind him. Bless

wigglemama Oh yes. Who hasn't had that?

Spot on, wigglemama!

I am still laughing at these posts. So true!

I am a month in to potty training. Why does DS always want a pee when we are halfway to where we're going? Never wants to go just as we leave? And of course I daren't not stop, in case this is the time he decides to pee all over the car seat.

At which point I find a car park and stop, he decides he doesn't want to pee, and would much rather try and run off across the car park.

And I know the one about little angel in public, little devil at home, too...

When getting their feet measured that they will twist and contort until the shop assistant assures you they are a size 7 - you will then buy a couple of cool shoes in size 7 and in the sale for you to get home and realise they are several sizes to big and wonder why you hadn't noticed the size 7's they have worn everyday since November are also too big!!

They develop obsessions for a certain food product, so, having been caught out a few times, you make sure you buy in bulk to ensure never Running Out Again. As soon as your supply can meet demand, they lose all interest in it, leaving you with 14,000 mini pots/bags of whatever shite you were fooled into buying in the first place.

Similar principles apply to disposable nappies. If you manage to buy enough to see you through for a while, the child in question will instantly outgrow them.

They will obsess over a toy in a shop and really really want it and get really excited and then you buy it, take it home and they don't take a second look at it and want to go and play with the dustpan and brush.

Or you'll suggest a toy as a present from ILs that you know he'll love and they open it and look really disappointed.

You buy LOADS of calpol, Nurofen and suchlike and they don't get ill until JUST after it's gone out of date.

They say 'mummy yoghurt, mummy yoghurt, MUMMY YOGHURT!!!' when you stop mumsnetting cleaning and get them the yoghurt, their response is 'mummy no'.

Children are always fine when you drop them off at school/nursery/ childminders. Half hour later they are supposedly at deaths door. You rush back to collect said child. Half hour later they are perfectly well but, as they vomited at school/nursery/childminders you have to take the following day off as well.

oh and the above always happens on a day when its a nightmare to leave work/ you have a really important meeting/appointment/ once in a life time chance/ job interview for the job of your dreams!

They make lovely friendships at playgroup, and it turns out that all three children aren't going on to the next door school.

this is good

After months of infuriating and pointless interruptions every time you attempt to have a conversation with another adult, you will finally decide to lay down the law about this in a loud and public manner. When you have finished explaining how RUDE it is to interrupt, you will invite them to share their little gem with you, upon which they will announce 'I just wanted to say how much I love you mummy'.

This should make it into Classics

Loving this!