what to do wheen you really can't agree....

[mumatron]

i'm only 15+3 but we have been ttc for 2 years (4 mc before this one)so the subject has come up quite alot, but we just have polar opposite taste in names.

all the names dp like sound made up. the only normal names he likes are, imo, not going to suit us, i.e very italian etc.

i tend to like more traditional names, although i would like a name that no one else i know has used.

the last few discussions we have had have become quite heated. i just can't see a compromise being reached.

with my 2 dc their dad was quite happy to let me have the final say.

help us please!!

when obviously

pick a name you like. When your DC is born and handed to you, loudly say "hello XXX! I've been so looking forward to meeting you!"

Afterwards, just keep saying "s/he just really looks like a XXX" with a great big smile on your face.

I defy any man who's just watched the love of his life go through childbirth dare argue with her name choice...

oh and obviously, before hand whenever the issue comes up, just suggest you both contribute to a short list and you'll decide when you meet him/her which name suits them best.

ooh, i like that idea. my current tactic is ton say that as we are not married i will just sneak off and register without him knowing.

unless he wants to get married that is....but thats a whole other thread

Nah, if you've been ttc for two years and have finally succeeded, yet he is still adamant about his names and you're not getting anywhere, I doubt he will be so bowled over by seeing his DC born that he will budge at that point either.

You should both come up with a list of about 20 names and give each list reasonable thought, then strike out 10, and work on what remains, remembering there will probably be second names too.

Or narrow it down to a theme like family names, Old Testament names, European names, English, Scottish, etc., names and go from there. Or you could decide to eliminate science fiction names, made-up names....

Can you give us some examples of your names and your DP's names?

for dd2 I did all the research and came up with a 'long list'(v long) then, we spent an evening passing it between us ,each crossing one off....it seemed to work! Although obviously not what I might have come up with on my own (perhaps lucky for dd!)I am v happy with both of my daughters' names. Good luck!

we are sort of ok for girls names because it wont be a girl

he is really pushing for Loren for a boy and nevaeh for a girl. also has lots of footballers names on the list. his theory is if you name it like a footballer, it will be a footballer i kid you not ladies, he even has juan on there.

i like evan or noah for a boy, but i know at least one of each so that puts me off a bit.

i would love to use oscar for a boy but it doesn't go with surname.

i don't remember having any of this last time

he's now saying we should let the dc's decide i don't think so

Don't ever agree to Loren or Nevaeh!

whose surname?

If the baby's getting his surname then you should get to choose the forename. Sounds fair.

i don't think even he could wear me down that much. he was over the moon when i told him nevaeh was heaven backwards. quite worrying isn't it

forever it was my choice to give dp's surname as i hate mine. would not want to pass it on. dp says he doesn't mind which surname but i think thats just because he hopes it will give him more leverage with the first name.

Would he like Niamh (pr Neev) or Neva -- a bit like Neveah but in a different league?

I like Evan, and if you like it then why not use it? Most names are used by more than one person after all.

Not sure what other names you like but here are a few ideas in case you/your DP like them

Sophia
Laura
Isabella
Louisa
Corinne
Elodie
Marianne
Abigail
Zara
Rebecca
Amelia
Ma ya
Juliet
Amber

Elliot
Aaron
Nathaniel
Thomas
William
Samuel
Reuben
Jacob
Milo
Maximil ian
Daniel
Alexander
Henry
Frederick

i wont use Evan because a really close friend has just had a baby and used it.

and dp has vetoed every name on your list apart from daniel, it's a family name on his side, but always gets shortened to danny. tbh it just doesn't do it for me.

thanks though, some lovely girls names.

Can you give us some more examples of the sort of names your DH likes?

Sorry, should say DP.

let me see if i can find his list. he is keeping it pretty well hidden after i laughed at it.

these are some of the boys names.

Ilario
Juan
Loren (his fav.)
jabari
DeAndre
Dayshawn
Lakin.
Damarrio
Cortez

the baby will have a slightly unusual surname that ends in er so first names that end the same mostly sound wrong. thats why i'm not so keen on oscar anymore.

although i did just suggest mason of the top of my head and he didn't write it off immediately! we may be getting somewhere.

You just keep going until you find one with agreement. None of my DSs have the names I would have chosen on my own-but neither do they have names DH would have chosen. They suit them now they are here!

Interesting to see the list! Gives an idea of what sort of names your DP likes. I'm going to try to think of a few similar-ish alternatives in case there are any you both like.........

Ilario - derived from Hilary. How about Alerio, which means "wise man"? Adam, Archie, or Ashton? Elias, Ivan, Irvin or Inigo?

Juan - how about John, Jonathan, Jonah, Jack, Joshua, Jago or Jerome?

Loren - Lawrence (with Loren for short?), Leo, Linus, Liam, Louis, Luke, Lucian, Lucas

Jabari - James, Judah, Jared, Josiah, Jediah

DeAndre - Andrew, Brandon, Andre, Andreas, Declan, Delaney, Dennis, Dermot

Dayshawn - Damian, Dylan, Dayton, Sean

Lakin - Cain, Nathan, Leighton

Damarrio - Darius, David, Dalziel, Darcel, Marius, Marcello, Marco, Mark, Marcus, Marlo, Martin

Cortez - Curtis, Cain, Carlos, Cassian, Charles, Clifford, Conan

now i'm going to be the picky one and say out of all those names i only like Archie, but i work very closely with a very annoying archie.

how the hell are we ever supposed to pick a name?? there are no names i love and am desperate to use. my other two were so much easier.

i have a jack and the only down side to his name is the fact that there is 3 of them in his class and he gets referred to by his full name.

dd has a slightly more uncommon name but not so out there it raises eyebrows.

DeAndre, Damarrio and Dayshawn are very African American names, same for Cortez and Jabari -- do you have any link to that culture? A name like that would be seen as a huge disadvantage in the US, where they are not just African American but inner city African American. Read 'Freakonomics' for a description of the disadvantages of names like this.

Ilario, Juan, Loren and Lakin -- Ilario and Juan are Spanish, with Loren quite waspy and Lakin a bit made-uppey. I know a really old Loren, a retired professor.

I think of all the names, Loren is the least objectionable -- maybe Laurence or Lorenzo could be alternatives.

I like all CoffeeFestival's alternatives and think this is a good tack to take with your DP.

meth no links to any cultures tbh. we are both welsh and so are our families from as far back as we can see.

thats party what puts me off a name with a strong link to other countries/cultures. it just doesn't sit right with me iyswim.

loren is the best of the bunch, i agree, but i can imagine having to correct people who assume it's lauren like the girls name.

i sound like i'm being really petty now i know.

thank you all for your input anyway. i'm sure we will manage a compromise somehow.

There are loads of great Welsh names.

I don't think you're being petty. A name is worth careful consideration and you don't want to saddle a child with one that would be a negative.

Oh there's some great Welsh names that can't be that common even in Wales! I know of a little boy called Caeo which is Welsh. I also like Haf for a girl (means summer though so might not suit your dates!)