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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

If your not married do you mind having a different surname...

63 replies

mama2moo · 15/05/2010 15:22

to your children?

Im not married to dp and I am starting to hate the fact that I have a different surname to my 2 girls.

A lot of people tell me to just change my surname. Isnt that a bit weird though?

We have no plans to marry.

OP posts:

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BikeRunSki · 16/05/2010 20:49

I was married when I was pg with DS, but had never wanted to change my surname, still used my maiden name.

When I was pg I had an overwhelming desire to have the same surname as my DS. There was no question that it would not be DH's surname- traditional English, easy to spell and pronounced and common place round here. My maiden name is non of these things, and to be honest, a bit of a bind. So I changed - hook, line, passport, driving licence and sinker.

I am Mrs Surname, DS's mum on Sat-Tue, and Dr Maiden name, clever government scientist on Wed-Fri. I like my split personality, but possibly because 1 - I can legitimately be Dr Maiden Name, 2 - I have 2 brothers and 2 nephews with my maiden name, so it isn't going anywhere very fast.

belgo · 16/05/2010 20:54

I am married but still have a different surname to my children.

I don't mind a bit, and I'm happy for them to take dh's surname because I much prefer it to my own.

Hedwig3 · 16/05/2010 21:01

BikeRunSki -
I must admit your split 'personality' sounds like a fab compromise!

Who wants the same name as their MIL like they are the 2nd wife or something?! Gag!

Hedwig3 · 16/05/2010 21:02

BikeRunSki -
I must admit your split 'personality' sounds like a fab compromise!

Who wants the same name as their MIL like they are the 2nd wife or something?! Gag!

prettybird · 17/05/2010 08:19

I do know of one family where the mum and dad decided that the children whould have a different name to either of them. One parent's name is a really long complicated foreign name while the other parent's name is a relatively common British name.

The children's name is a short, very slightly foreign name, which apprently has some meaning to both parents.

An imaginitive solution to this dilemma, although not sure it is one I would choose!

bellissima · 17/05/2010 09:29

One reason I use both my DH's surname and my maiden name is that in the country where we married (Belgium) it is normal for the wife to keep her maiden name. Thus you have Mr Van Hire and his wife Mrs Van Wheel, and the family Van Hire-Van Wheel on the doorbell sticker (another legality!). The children normally take the fathers surname but (I believe) can now take the mother's. However, on return to the UK when we set up a joint bank account in our different names the very first time I signed a large cheque the bank called my husband to check whether that was okay . When I complained they said oh that's normal if you are not married and only one salary is coming in . In the end it was easier to use my 'married' (in UK terms) name for certain things here.

BlauerEngel · 17/05/2010 10:45

I don't see the issue here with having a different name from your DC, or with changing your name if that's what you want, or with doing a work/home name split if that suits you best. Changing your name to your DP's surname is a leetle beet weird if you're not actually married, because you will spend more time explaining to officials how come you have the same name but are single.

I'm surprised by the diversity of family naming options in Germany these days. Until recently the law was very strict, and a married couple had to share a name, or the woman went double-barrelled, leading to such gems as a politician called Sabine Leuthenhauser-Schnarrenburger. It was clear that change was necessary!

Our class contact lists for school generally include parents' names as well, and it seems that fewer than half the families all share one surname. It's surprising how often it is that the children have the man's name and the woman keeps her maiden name. We have the opposite - the kids have my maiden name and my DH is the only one with his surname in the family. There was a practical reason for that - his Irish surname, while beautiful, is difficult for Germans to spell and pronounce, and I didn't want the kids to spend their lives explaining. DH is quite happy for us to be known as 'the Mysurname Family' for informal occasions.

yellowflowers · 17/05/2010 15:12

I am married but have my own surname. We are planning to give our baby my dh's surname because I think schools and doctors etc assume the baby is not the dad's if they have a different surname but they don't assume it's not the mum's. I may be wrong but that's how it feels to me.

noddyholder · 17/05/2010 15:13

I never think about it!

Pezz · 26/05/2010 22:52

Why not use both your surnames for the children.

Frolie · 27/05/2010 18:35

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and my partner and I have been together for 13 years. I really want our baby to have my surname and my DP really wants the baby to have his. We are at stalemate. We can't double barrell the baby's surname, because mine already has a hyphen. I just can't envisage my baby not having my surname. I don't know how we're going to find a solution...!

Hedwig3 · 27/05/2010 21:20

I have wondered in the past what happens when there is already a double-barelled surname in a marriage/relationship.

Would either of you consider a new combination for your new family?

Good luck with your discussions.

SirBoobAlot · 27/05/2010 21:22

We double-barrelled, as it just seemed the right thing to do and we both have very boring surnames . If we hadn't have double-barrelled, I imagine DS would have taken mine.

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