Did you tell anyone your names shortlist before baby was named?

[CakeandRoses]

Just curious! I've seen some posts recently that got me awondering:

1 Did you share your shortlist of names or keep them private (MN doesn't count) until your baby born and named?

2 What were the reactions to your course of action?

3 Would you do it differently if you had the chance again with future DCs?

We've tried both routes:

With DS we shared our very shortlist (2 possibles for a boy and 2 for a girl) with family and got some negative comments in response. It annoyed me a bit (may have been a bit oversensitive due to pg hormones and because MiL had already been a bit of a cow about other baby-related decisions) as we'd made it clear before telling them that the baby would definitely have one of those names and we weren't sharing them in order to get feedback.

The name we ended up choosing for DS was the one we got the most flak for (it's Felix: the older generation associated it with the ancient cat cartoon however the younger generation mostly adored it). We still LOVE the name and it sooo suits DS's mischevious personality - actually far better than the other, more serious-sounding name we had in the hat. I think it's grown on everyone now but who knows (or cares really)?!

This time round we've decided to keep shortlist to ourselves (with the exception of MN of course!) It hasn't gone down well, with DH's family in particular, who say they feel hurt to be excluded. We won't weaken on this though, particularly as our choice of boy's name is bound to cause again (it's Caspar, another old cartoon!)

My SiL is also pg and has been sharing every stage of their name-choosing (way before the shortlist even) so we look even 'worse' in comparison! I think she may be regretting it though as she's going round in circles trying to find a name which her DP is happy with, let alone everyone else!

We'd keep the name to ourselves again if DH gets his way and we have a DC3 one day.

Not answering your post, but a friend of a friend is called Cass and I really like that as a nickname for Caspar

(I just facebooked and realised Cass is short for Cassidy - that's definitely getting remembered for future use)

No! We didn't tell anyone, because their input was not wanted. It's much harder for people to criticise after the event. As it was, my MIL made a comment about the fact that she'd 'never get a Katie' after we used Catherine as a middle name, and my mum didn't exactly keel over with excitement when she first heard DD2's name.

Funnily enough we were going to call our DS Felix and, despite my asking him not to, DH told his brother a few weeks before the birth. His brother was extremely negative, it put DH off the name and DS now has another name. We both love DS's name, so all good in the end, but I do still love the name Felix.

With DD we didn't tell anyone until she was born. Much happier situation all round.

No - didn't tell anyone when we were expecting DS1, and now that we're expecting DD1 we're not telling, either!

No-one has been offended that we haven't told them - I honestly can't understand anyone being so precious that they would get upset over not being told. It's none of their business!! And there are nice ways of saying that you want to keep it a secret until s/he arrives.

5DollarShake - the preciousness of people being upset about not being told was a surprise to me too! My poor DH has nearly folded a couple of times and has given clues as to the name! Thankfully, my side of the family know that emotional blackmail begging me and saying that they feel hurt won't work with me so have just accepted it gracefully.

No we just kept saying that we couldn´t think of anything, then told people the name.

I told some people, but not those who I thought would criticise or feel that they had some kind of right to suggest alternatives
like diddl just keep saying "not sure" then announce the name as finalised.

No way: if you tell people your shortlist, people think that you are inviting comment, and they can be very forthright with their opinions!

I'm not this time, i told people the last few times and as the last poster said they then took it that i was inviting them to comment. No one liked our names but i didn't much care for their alternative suggestions either so i just smiled and called them what i was intending to anyway.
This time though i think both myself and my husband will just go with 'we've not decided yet' until delivery day
Plus thats true at the minute, haven't a clue yet !

DIdn't tell first time and nto telling this time either.

We told people of our choices last time, and when DD was born, MIL said she was releived as she didn't like our boys names.

So, to save her the worry, we aren't telling this time around and our boys names are exactly the same!

I'm taking the route of sayingt hat we have a few names we like this time but can't fully decide.

Definitely the best plan is not to tell anyone. MIL says we are boring spoilsports but I'm really glad we haven't weakened. She loved my nephews proposed name and got really sulky after he was born when they changed it to something else, so figure it's really not a good idea for many reasons...

I think it's rare to be in a situation where you and DH can decide without any interference and people offering their opinions, but this can be one of them so make the most of it!

We kept them to ourselves both times, discussed generally early on with DS1 but decided pretty quickly that we didn't want to be put off by peoples negative comments so kept the names to ourselves.

Did the same with DS2 and once he was born and named DH said to his mum that the alternative name had been George and she had the nerve to say "now THAT is a lovely name..."

We didn't tell anyone.

My mum still made it clear she disliekd the names (esp DS1 and DD) even when they were named IYSWIM, but most other people were polite about an actual baby ("oh that's such a pretty name!" etc) in a way that I suspect they may not have been about a hypothetical name.

Best not to tell, esp if you are way-out there (think 100 yeras ago faves) like me. I did ask Mum what names she would have liked. She didn't come up with much. But then I hate most things about my name and I guess she picked that.

I knew a couple who couldn't decide between Woody and something much more normal (like Matthew). Nobody liked Woody - but if it was the actual baby we would have been a bit nicer I suspect. (He got the other name)

I can't believe anyone would dream of asking. How rude?!

No way - don't share your shortlist as there will always be someone who has an opinion and ruins a name choice for you (like people like me tend to do on MN baby names thread, but if you post on baby names thread, you're asking for honest opinion)
I never divulged any of the names DH and I were considering for the 3 DCs - and even then, after DS1 was born, someone was rude enough to mock the name we had chosen
(It's not a weird name, just a name the person didn't like.)

I like Caspar and I think it goes well with Felix.

They have a track record of whinging that your taste doesn't match theirs. So they are being a bit silly acting all hurt that you won't include them this time around

When my x mil heard my list she kept saying "you have to think of the child".

. The names weren't off the wall. Greta for a girl and Bruno for a boy were the absolute 'craziest' ones. She wanted me to use James (which was the name of her recently dead 2nd husband. That would have gone down well - silly woman!)

I would never ever share the name before birth and naming. Reason is that if you do so you get undoubtly influenced and the name choice should be yours only!

We very carefully chose the name and also checked numerology etc before deciding.

Never let anyone influence you to change a name if you are decided on it.

It never ceases to amaze me what some ppl think is acceptable to say! I'm so sooo careful now when friends/family tell me their shortlists and try to just focus on the names that I like (and then feel terrible if it's obvious that I hate the others!)

I think being able to share your names on MN is really useful as (most) people on here don't have any axe to grind over the names or any wish to control your choice. It's brill to be able to check your sanity over specific things. For example, see my previous post asking whether the rhyming of Delilah with my surname was too silly: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/baby_names/949250-Delilah-rhymes-with-our-surname-Ridiculous-or-ok. If we asked our family this question then they'd never be able to get past their own like or dislike of the name Delilah!

and thank you Magaly for saying you like Caspar and think it goes well with Felix I'd previously posted asking if they go well together and some ppl said they sounded a bit cartoony/pet-like together. We've decided to ignore that and go for it anyway as I'm sure they'll just grow into their names in their own right rather than being seen as a duo, iyswim

I was/am a total baby bore about names and just couldn't help discussing possiiblities with just about everyone who showed a passing interest. With the predictable consequence that all our favourites were regularly panned by one key person or another and this, combined with my own tendency to passionately love a name then go off it completely, made for lots and lots of changes of mind! But for all 3 children we knew what we wanted as soon as we saw the baby, pretty much. I could never go the decide and them keep schtum route, personally.

LOL at Skegness. I share the same 'problem' as you - I am obsessed with names and would love to talk about them all day long to EVERYONE so I'm finding it a real struggle not to this time round (but far less hurtful!)

I'm with Skegness - heck - I'm running some suggestions past people for our theoretical second child (our DD is only 14 weeks!!)

I'm a name addict and I could not keep our ideas secret. In a way it worked out well, because we chose a name that everyone liked. Telling people beforehand meant that we saw some accurate reactions to our ideas, which WAS valuable, especially now I think of some of the suggestions on the table.

We're very happy with our DD's name, although MiL did veto one name which I LOVED and still pine for a little (Alice).

Maybe next time!

LOVE Felix, btw - and Caspar is growing on me. Good luck!