Did you tell anyone your names shortlist before baby was named?

[CakeandRoses]

Just curious! I've seen some posts recently that got me awondering:

1 Did you share your shortlist of names or keep them private (MN doesn't count) until your baby born and named?

2 What were the reactions to your course of action?

3 Would you do it differently if you had the chance again with future DCs?

We've tried both routes:

With DS we shared our very shortlist (2 possibles for a boy and 2 for a girl) with family and got some negative comments in response. It annoyed me a bit (may have been a bit oversensitive due to pg hormones and because MiL had already been a bit of a cow about other baby-related decisions) as we'd made it clear before telling them that the baby would definitely have one of those names and we weren't sharing them in order to get feedback.

The name we ended up choosing for DS was the one we got the most flak for (it's Felix: the older generation associated it with the ancient cat cartoon however the younger generation mostly adored it). We still LOVE the name and it sooo suits DS's mischevious personality - actually far better than the other, more serious-sounding name we had in the hat. I think it's grown on everyone now but who knows (or cares really)?!

This time round we've decided to keep shortlist to ourselves (with the exception of MN of course!) It hasn't gone down well, with DH's family in particular, who say they feel hurt to be excluded. We won't weaken on this though, particularly as our choice of boy's name is bound to cause again (it's Caspar, another old cartoon!)

My SiL is also pg and has been sharing every stage of their name-choosing (way before the shortlist even) so we look even 'worse' in comparison! I think she may be regretting it though as she's going round in circles trying to find a name which her DP is happy with, let alone everyone else!

We'd keep the name to ourselves again if DH gets his way and we have a DC3 one day.

No, we didn't tell either time. - Everybody then said they loved our name choices, but they had no choice, so had to really . However, I still had odd comments off a work colleague, simply because DS has an English name and DD has a welsh name - she pulled a face the first time she saw me and said oh I thought your choice of names so weird they don't go together at all do they?

Love Caspar and Felix. - Different without being way-out there and won't be too many of them in the payground (until now of course as all MNs rush to choose same names )

We never had a definate name before dc's were born, just a longish shortlist. I tended to discuss names I liked with family, in a broad sense and then say 'Oh, I don't know, it is so hard to choose - we will wait until we see the baby'.
Then people felt included but there was not the danger of them slagging off my favourite names!

Never breathed a word. Discussed names with my mum and sister but never let anyone know the names we really liked. What's the point?

No we didn't tell anyone our choice of names.

We had a very short list for DD and DS (they are twins). SIL used our first choice for DS so we went with the other choice. DD's name has always been my favourite girls name.

We just smiled sweetly if any suggested names to us (MIL did this often!)

We had a lovely response to our names and many people wrote in the birth congrats cards how much they liked the two names together.

It's our first and we're definitely keeping the shortlist to ourselves. However we are sharing some "longlist" names together with some "no list" names with family to at least have something to chat about with them - they are v excited!

My (lovely) Mum is v opinionated about names but will be so overawed by the new addition she won't mind anything. I'm hoping it'll be the same for the ILs (though they're quite conservative names-wise - ironically DH is the other way, but I know they'll think anything outlandish will come from me). Best not to get into it I reckon.

I shared with a few good friends - who all like the same sort of names anyway and my family, who liked DS1's name but couldn't believe I was serious re DS2. Didn't bother me particularly. Certainly was not going to abandon my favourite name because my Dad once had an unpleasant alcoholic patient of the same name!!!

I didn't share with DP's family as his sister was due 2 weeks after me so we didn't want any poaching and frankly I couldn't care less what they thought anyway!

LouMacca - I'd completely forgotten about the 'helpful' name suggestions from family til you said that.

Last time round, MiL called to say that they'd 'discussed it as a family' and decided our DC should be called 'Robert Christopher' (her brother's name and my DH's late father's name), which are perfectly ok names in themselves but almost as far away from our taste as it gets.

It made me laugh, how people thought we'd pounce on some random name they'd come up with - as if we didn't have an encyclopedic knowledge of every name and its meaning, having spent months poring over baby name books and websites out there!

i've asked my best friends but wouldn't dream of asking family

to answer your original question: no way.

We would never have discussed names with MIL (any woman who calls twins Robert David and David Robert doesn't deserve an opinion)
And yes, she hated our choices!!!

DH and I had our baby names chosen before we even knew I was pregnant, so there were no choices, I didn't mind telling other people because they are not British names, so no one could really steal them... only name we kept secret was DDs first name from my mother, as we wanted it to be a suprise (as we were using her name )

On the other hand my bro and SIL didn't tell anyone one (the first name isn't really a 'real' name, but it is now!!!) and I think they were right not to tell anyone cause they would have got alot of but now she's here, we are just happy she's here, so they get lots of

LMAO at deaddei - Robert David and David Robert: that is just soooper!

And guess what her DH is called CakeandRoses- yes you've guessed it.
How confusing when they all got post.

We kept our shortlists for DC1 to ourselves - had enough trouble with DH and I having very differing tastes and reactions to names.

Definitly never tempted to bring anyone else into the mix. Names grew on us and we went off others throughout the pregnancy. Had about 4 or 5 top ones when DD arrived. Then had 3 possible middle names we whittled down to one.

This time we have the shortlist from last time reused moreorless. DH is being more open to 'daring' names (for him, being from a conservative hebridean background where the same few names have been used over and over for eons).

I think family might suspect what we will probably go for - they asked last time what Anna would have been if a boy and that's still a high contender (Alexander) but I think we'll stun them a tad with an unusual middle name now DH is all daring (Probably Jonah).

Yes we did share, and totally regretted it, mainly because family (esp DH's) were so mean and unpleasant about various choices.
Stick to your guns and keep it to yourself - after all, its your baby and your decision. We will not be sharing again!

Hi OP,

Why dont you just act dumb and say you are not yet sure what to name your LO? then you dont seem to be keeping anything secret? YOu may have to put up with their suggestions, but at least that will keep the peace and who knows- they may even suggest a great middle name for Casper!

I shared both times with mine. Had Toby and Evan for a boy and Sadie and Shauna for a girl - couldn't give a shit what people thought of them (and cant remember any reactions)
I am flabbergasted that so e people even think they have a right to voice an opinion of a name for someone else's child... so rude.

Even if i hated a name i would pretend i liked it or find something positive to say about it.

Manda25: I think you're in the lucky minority to not get any comments!

Lora69: I'm one of those stupidly honest people that has to tell the complete truth even if a white lie would make my life easier! Also, surely this tactic wouldn't work right at the end as everyone must have some idea of name by week 39?

Put it this way, if you were to go shopping with friends or family and you pick out a top or a dress, and your shopping pals will pass comment, however if you were to wear said top/dress to a party chances are the same person would be very complimentary.

I see it the same way with babynames.

I'd rather keep it quiet then tell people when the baby arrives and let everyone be nice to my face. Don't give a rats butt if they slate the name behind my back one bit.

My child, my right, my choice.

We only told family about name choices. My immediate family is very close and so when we told my parents our favourite name (which is now our daughter's name and fairly unusual) they did say "you CAN'T call her that" and "But she'll be called [ ]", "It will be pronounced incorrectly" etc. Being close I told my father to bugger off as I loved it and the name grew on him and he (and my mother) now love it. I think that was useful because they had a chance to get used to it before she was born.

However, we didn't tell anyone else as I think to tell people is to invite comments and I didn't care for their opinions...haha. We knew the names was unusual and some people would perhaps think it was a bit odd - in fact most people have said they think it's super pretty and really like it!

I like to compare it to decorating - if you asked people their opinion of a paint colour or wallpaper then they might say they didn't like it etc. But if they came to your already decorated house they wouldn't dare say "ooooh I really don't like that wallpaper, I think you should go with this one instead". Same with baby names I think and people do have very different taste - just like interior design! If that makes any sense at all...

Hi cakeandroses, DS1 was to be Felix but he just didn't look like one when he was born, and is Barnaby. We had a dreadful time agonising over his name because we talked to family about it. this time we agreed on Caspar! I didn't want to discuss it with people this time, but DH is wobbling over it and I think he's been talking to his family about it. Makes me so cross. So we have 2 and a bit weeks to go and no definate name! I envy you and your husbands solidarity!!

Silversky/Kingroadie - loving the shopping/decorating analogies. I couldn't agree more!

audley - How weird that we have such similiar taste in names! Barnaby is delightful (and goes v well with Caspar)!

I really hope you and DH can come to an agreement without being swayed by others (ggrrrrr!) Also, it might help to know that the name Caspar generally gets good marks on MN Of course, some people will think 'friendly ghost' to begin with but they'll soon forget that once they've got to know the child.

Or maybe, this one will look like a Felix?

No, didn't discuss with parents or anyone.
I wasn't on MN at the time, but the grief people get tells me we were right.

Once the baby is born, no-one cares what s/he is called, they are just excited.

I feel like saying 'Noooo, don't do it' now when a pg friend/relative goes to tell me their name choices! It's advice every couple should be told before ttc!

My mum asked, and I said, "I'll tell you if you don't give me your opinion." "OK," she said, then when I said, "If it's a boy it will be X or Y," she burst out with "Oh no, not Y!" Hmm... Was a girl anyway, luckily .