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Original poster

Putting my foot down with my choice of name with DH

47 replies

LizzieHart · 29/01/2010 18:09

I am 19 weeks pregnant and do not know the sex. We have our 20 week scan on Monday and are not planning on finding out.

My problem is, if it is a boy, we have decided on a name that hasn't changed for months or years of suggestion (DH suggestion). However the name I have always wanted for a girl, DH hates and refuses to even have it as an option. I have wanted this name since I was 18 (I am now 34!).

Do I put my foot down and say that he chose the boys name so I get to choose the girls name?

We are just pulling names out of the '101 baby names' books and not really agreeing on one, and all the names we choose are compramises, not what either of us really want.

Help!

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shushpenfold · 29/01/2010 18:12

We had this too. I do think you're being unreasonable - I would hate to put up with a name for my child that I actively disliked. We ended up with a long list of 'OK names' for both of us and then compared lists. In the end it worked and actually now like the name we 'fought' over better than the ones which we both agreed on!

shushpenfold · 29/01/2010 18:13

P.S. My husband is a teacher and had an example child for every concieveable name choosen....and all the nasty nicknames! Good luck x

shushpenfold · 29/01/2010 18:13

conceivable!

myredcardigan · 29/01/2010 18:17

Do not agree to a name you actively dislike as it will fester and play on your pn, hormonal self and drive you mad. You could well end up resenting your DH for it. I know this sounds dramatic but I have a friend who agreed to call her baby son after her FIL. She disliked the name before and even more so afterwards and it caused endless arguing between them.

Likewise, it would be unfair to call your DD a name your DH disliked. Thou, in the main, men tend to care less about these things.

Does he know you dislike the name? Does he not then see he is BU to say no to you having your girls choice?

woodyandbuzz · 29/01/2010 18:21

Are you totally against finding out the sex, because if you did find out, it might save you the worry and these arguments?

If you really don't want to know the sex, then I suggest that you don't argue any further about it. Wait until your baby is born and then see how you both feel. My parents spent a long time arguing over the name they were going to give me and both remember it to this day.

LetThereBeRock · 29/01/2010 18:21

YABU. You can't use a name that your dh hates and vice versa.

fridayschild · 29/01/2010 18:21

Can you agree a variation of the girl's name? One of the mums at school dislikes Alexander as a name but her DH had been dead set on it since forever for his first born sun. They settled on Xander.

LetThereBeRock · 29/01/2010 18:22

I thought it was the OP's dh who dislikes one of the names and not the OP.

myredcardigan · 29/01/2010 18:24

Is your preferred name something very outlandish? Or trashy? (sorry) By that I mean something you heard on an American tv programme as a teanager and have loved ever since? If not then what is his big objection?

Original poster
LizzieHart · 29/01/2010 18:24

I like his choice of name, as it turns out to be my Grandfather's name (and would have been my name if I were a boy!) so it is right on so many levels.

I wanted my special name, or alternatively a name chosen from a member of our family, but one of us had vittoed every single aunt, sister, mother, great aunts, cousins and nieces!

We both have strange rules when it comes to naming our child... nothing that starts with the same letter as our names (so the post doesn't get mixed up), and with a surname like Hart, nothing that ends in a K, T or F sound (K-Hart, T-Hart or the best F-Hart!!)

OP posts:
myredcardigan · 29/01/2010 18:26

As an aside, my DD1 is Lizzie.

Original poster
LizzieHart · 29/01/2010 18:30

woodyandbuzz no we are not totally against, but that will either stop the arguement if it is a boy, or just create more stress/pressure to chose if it is a girl! Oh I don't know!

fridayschild the 'full' name of said name is worse, we both hate that! the name is Riah, which is short for Mariah.

OP posts:
MrsvWoolf · 29/01/2010 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LizzieHart · 29/01/2010 18:31

myredcardigan Great name!

OP posts:
weegiemum · 29/01/2010 18:32

Forget the thing about initials! The is going to be a problem for how long?

We all had different initials then my Dad remarried and my stepmum had the same initial as my sister - it was usually pretty obvious from the context whose letter it was!

That is a silly thing to stop you choosing a name you might like.

Neither of you should agree to a name you actively dioslike though, and its not a case of "I like his name so he has to like mine". I was lucky, had wanted Katherine as a name for a dd from childhood and dh liked it and we now have a 10 yo Kathy. But if he had hated it I would never have insisted!

Saucepanman · 29/01/2010 18:32

Lizzie I am in same situation with DH- am 21 wks with our 4th. We have a boy's name that we both adore but DH has vetoed my girl's choice, which apart from being my lovely favourite aunty's name, is to me of equivalent to our boy's choice- they are both "the name" for me. I keep mentioning it periodically but no joy yet! I wouldn't put my foot down regardless though, I will have to get DH on board if I want it.

I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours!

Original poster
LizzieHart · 29/01/2010 18:33

Saucepanman My name is Riah - what's yours??

OP posts:
Original poster
LizzieHart · 29/01/2010 18:35

PS if it is a boy it will be James Robert.

OP posts:
Xavielli · 29/01/2010 18:45

James Robert is lovely.

yama · 29/01/2010 19:02

So your boy will be JR Hart. I like it!

Saucepanman · 29/01/2010 19:05

Lizzie mine are Gabriel for a boy, and I would love Georgie for a girl. Like both of your names

myredcardigan · 29/01/2010 19:30

My DS is also James. If it helps, I'm not keen on any shortenings and so far it's just been James.

I've never heard of Riah but that doesn't mean anything. Does it have a meaning that you like? Perhaps that could help bring him round. Maybe he's nervous she'll get teased as in 'Riah, Riah the big fat liar!'
She'll probably be the only one in her class whereas poor James may not. Though J.R Hart does sound cool either as pop star, writer, QC or PM.

Blanchet · 29/01/2010 21:21

I think Riah will be pronounced like "Ria" i.e. with a "ree" sound, by most people. It might not be such a big problem at school once everyone's used to it, but in adult life, it will be "Riah, R-I-A-H" or "No, not Ryan" (I know Ryan would be weird on a girl but having never heard of Riah it's what my mind might leap to!).

So... if your DH's objections are anything along those lines, then I think he has a valid point. I know it sucks when they are dead against a long-cherished favourite though!

(And I do like James Robert)

Saucepanman · 30/01/2010 00:49

Oh Lizzie, I am on the June thread too

nooka · 30/01/2010 07:39

Sorry, but you have to both like the name. If your dh doesn't like it, you have to find something else, as he would have had to if you didn't like his idea. I'm sure you will, you've got a while yet and there are many many names to choose from. And why choose a name that you don't like the full version of? I hate nicknames given as full names, perhaps your dh does too - I don't think it is an unusual way to feel. Or perhaps he just can't get past the connection with Mariah Carey?