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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Putting my foot down with my choice of name with DH

47 replies

LizzieHart · 29/01/2010 18:09

I am 19 weeks pregnant and do not know the sex. We have our 20 week scan on Monday and are not planning on finding out.

My problem is, if it is a boy, we have decided on a name that hasn't changed for months or years of suggestion (DH suggestion). However the name I have always wanted for a girl, DH hates and refuses to even have it as an option. I have wanted this name since I was 18 (I am now 34!).

Do I put my foot down and say that he chose the boys name so I get to choose the girls name?

We are just pulling names out of the '101 baby names' books and not really agreeing on one, and all the names we choose are compramises, not what either of us really want.

Help!

OP posts:

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belgo · 30/01/2010 08:01

you can't force your dh to have a name he doean't like. That's ridiculous. Choose a name you both like, there are many out there! We can't always have exactly what we want.

CantSleepWontSleep · 30/01/2010 08:36

You both have to like the name.
I have the same problem with boys names, as dh doesn't like any of my top choices, but I can't force him to use them. I can try some gentle persuasion though! Funnily enough, he didn't like dd's name when I first suggested it, but it became his favourite by about 30 weeks!

diddl · 30/01/2010 09:05

OP-You want Ria (As in Butterflies?).

What could he possibly have against that?

What does he want?

I agree that if he hates the name you shouldn´t use it.

But if he can´t think of anything....

I named both of ours.

Fortunately husband didn´t hate the names I chose.

Jojay · 30/01/2010 09:12

He has to like it too.

DS2 ended up with a name that was neither of our first choice, but we both like it now.

They just become their name if that makes any sense. Don't stress about it, forget it for a while and think again in a few months time.

AngryPixie · 30/01/2010 09:29

My nephew is James Robert - just watch out for the jokers (always adults) who feel the need to call him Jim Bob

PandaEis · 30/01/2010 09:53

i think YABa tiny bit U.

if your DH doesnt like the name then sorry but you will have to bite your tongue and move on (sorry)

my DH HATED every suggestion i made when preg with DD and even didnt like the name we eventually gave her at first (sian it is a variation of his name BTW he is sean) i thought he would like it but wasnt too bothered as i was convinced we were having a boy and we both LOVED the name we had chosen for a boy well, we had DD and i suggested her name about 5 mins after she was born and DH started crying and said she looked EXACTLY like a sian and couldnt have thought of a better name for her himself

maybe put the name you love on a list that has others you like and keep looking. you have AGES left yet to decide and you might find that when your baby is born you change your mind anyway

congrats BTW

SqueezyB · 30/01/2010 11:24

I have the same problem, we have a boys name we both like (though he chose it) my favourite girls name is Tess and DH says it's a dog's name and hates it!

I keep randomly referring to the bump as Tess in the hope he'll get used to it!

Would the name be Mariah or Riah? If it's the former I could see why the Mariah Carey connection would put him off. I quite like Ria instead.

Or how about Rhiannon? You could call her Riah as a nickname, he could use the full name?

pagwatch · 30/01/2010 11:50

you should drop the 'its been my dream since I was a feotus' stuff and let it go. It is, I have to say, pretty childish.

This child is soon to be the most important person in both of your lives.

If you can't be mature and considerate towards each other by choosing a name that you both like - rather than inflicting your wish upon the other, you should sit down and contemplate why you are happy to upset each other over this very first decision.

And ria is a bit crap

SqueezyB · 30/01/2010 20:07

Pagwatch, I don't think it's childish to have liked a name since you were young, I chose my DD's name when I was about 15, luckily DH liked it! I mean, obviously if the name is Britney or Kylie perhaps you should think again...

melpomene · 31/01/2010 14:43

I think both parents should have the right to veto names they dislike. Do you like any similar-sounding names - Rhiannon, Rihanna?

Would he agree on Ria as a middle name, perhaps, with a first name that you both like?

piscesmoon · 31/01/2010 14:59

All names are a compromise, unless you are very lucky. It is essential that you both like it.

pagwatch · 31/01/2010 16:04

FWIW I don't think it is childish to like a name since you were young.
I loved Maria since I was 5.

What is childish however is sticking to that as a reason to refuse any compromise.

If the OP was saying "I would love this name as it is the name of (perhaps) a very close family member who has passed away" that would be a more reasonable stance to have a hissy.

But " I loved it for just years so I want my own way " is a bit a) selfish and b)a bit "and when I get married I want a big spangly dress and to ride in on a horse like a big old princess"
and before you know it you are this twat

I do apologise though that my tone was harsher than I intended.
Having a tricky week and DH and I could not cope if we were involved in power struggles about minutia - so this thread was not a good one to post on.

Sorry OP. I can't retract my view ( as it is what I think ) but I didn't mean to be so grumpy about it

tethersend · 31/01/2010 16:21

Pag, that photo always makes me laugh. Cheers!

on the name issue, though...

pagwatch · 31/01/2010 16:33

fair enough

jemart · 31/01/2010 16:46

I gave my DH a final shortlist of 3 names to choose from. Good compromise.

Saucepanman · 31/01/2010 17:08

Pag I did think that post was harsher than your normal style, really nice of you to explain it, and I hope this week is better for you.

rofl at before you know it you are this twat though, I so thought it was going to be a pic of Jordan!

piscesmoon · 31/01/2010 19:14

My 3 DCs all have completely different names from the ones I would have chosen if it was entirely up to me. The fact that you have wanted to use it for 16yrs, or so, is just tough! Move on.

Original poster

LizzieHart · 31/01/2010 19:57

yama Yep - ish! JRT Hart! and having discussed matters with DH we are going for Amelia so she will be Amelia Hart! No reference to the famous flyer!

Saucepanman I LOVE Gabriel! That was on my top 5 boys name list. I lost track with that thread, I am not online enough to keep up! When are you due?

myredcardigan DH is a guitarist so he might end up being called Jimmy! Jamie - everyones best friend who is also good a music! Jim Hart the racing driver... so many possibilities! DH thinks Riah sounds like a urinary tract desease!

Blanchet sounds like liar. Rye-ah. It is short for Mariah and is a derivative of Mary. One of DH problems is that people will spend her entire life pronouncing it wrong and she would have to spell it all the time, but I have to do that with the surname Hart!

Riah is out and Amelia is now agreed top girls name, with Jasmine a close second.

OP posts:

MaggieTaSeFuar · 01/02/2010 09:30

Wait until you've just pushed out the baby and then say, "oh she is a [nameyouvewantedsince18].

MaggieTaSeFuar · 01/02/2010 09:31

ria = diaorrhea

Saucepanman · 01/02/2010 09:45

Am due 8th June. Still v sick [unamused]

Amelia and Jasmine both lovely, but agree re asking when you have just given birth- they are strangely amenable then! Maybe have a list of asks- name, diamonds, etc

sophieandbelly · 01/02/2010 11:02

its so hard if u love the name, but how would u feel if he choose a boys name that u hated and he 'put his foot down!!'

i also loved a name for my first that my oh didnt like, i just didnt mention it again, altho he knew i still loved it, (we also didnt no what we were having)

and when she arrived he changed his mind and i got my name, sometimes keeping quiet pays off and if not u may have to settle for something thats 2nd best. good luck hope u get a little riah

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