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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

is it ever ok to question someones name choice?

40 replies

yada · 17/10/2009 18:26

background info is friends dd (16) fell pregnant, huge shock to my friend but she has come round and really supportive to her dd now.

her dd has decided on names for a dd/ds. dd name is lovely (madeline) but her choice for ds is a bit out of the ordinary (diesel).

her mum is worried that she will regret it in future and whle it might be a "cool" name for her ds while she is 16 she wont think so for years to come and that teachers etc will will read his name at school and judge him before they meet him.

wwyd? she is worried her dd will think she is interfering and make her more determined to call him this (if it is a him), she has asked me to talk to her but she will know that it hs come from her mum.

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FlightAttendant · 17/10/2009 18:28

diesel?

FlightAttendant · 17/10/2009 18:29

Sorry

I don't really know. I think you could suggest somehow that she make sure there is a sensible middle name as a backup iyswim

But in the end it's down to the mum. I've rarely heard worse...

Original poster

yada · 17/10/2009 18:29

yes honestly!

OP posts:

lljkk · 17/10/2009 18:31

I don't think friend's mum can safely say anything about it; because she's too close; The DD is too primed to be defensive to anything her mother says.

I think that OP (or someone similar) as a family friend could safely question in a nice unjudgemental tone, perhaps saying "Are you sure that he'll be able to carry off such an unconventional choice of name?"

But leave it at that .

If she's early in pregnancy she'll change her mind 400x between now and the birth, anyway, just like the rest of us would.

wonderingwondering · 17/10/2009 18:32

You can say 'we both know your mum isn't too keen on the idea for x y reasons' but then go on to talk to her about it without being judgmental or telling her what to do.

I'd talk generally about the implications of a name, and say that her own mum's reaction is an indicator of how other people will react if she goes for an unusual name. But it is her decision, and you should make it clear that you understand that - she's going to be a mother, so she needs to start to understand that she'll have to make decisions and live with the consequences.

Original poster

yada · 17/10/2009 18:34

she is about 3-4 weeks away now and is pretty determined that these are the names.

i have tried saying to my friend that there is a 50% chance it wont be a problem but she is getting stressed about it now.

middle name will be after friends dh (pregnant girls dad) and that is a traditional/old fashioned name which means he will have something to fall back on but also sounds rather odd with the first name.

OP posts:

TeamEdward · 17/10/2009 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ramonaquimby · 17/10/2009 18:35

diesel is no worse than some sleb picks like apple or moses or bluebell tho. i'd leave it

CarmenSanDiego · 17/10/2009 18:35

a) Is it likely to change her mind? Probably not

b) She may well change her mind in her own time.

c) I think it's really arrogant to imply that she's wrong and you and her mum are right. She's going to have a whole lot of other parenting decisions to make and doesn't need this second guessing from the very get-go.

The name's not that bad, but even if he was called Jammy-Splodgesticks, it's still her decision.

I have a really unusually named child and she loves her name and is really popular in her class. I don't think that having a 'cool' name does you any real disservice. Look at that Dr. Pixie Wossername off Embarrassing Illnesses. She's a doctor and everything!

doughnutty · 17/10/2009 18:39

Ask her (the mum) to go to a big shop/supermarket and shout it as if the child is out of sight. If she isn't embarrassed about doing that then let her get on with it.

Could your friend use the initials if she really doesn't like it?

Original poster

yada · 17/10/2009 18:44

babys initials would be d.w, which im sure i have heard before

is that not of the cartoon arthur?

OP posts:

bellissima · 17/10/2009 19:24

I think that if she asked your opinion then you could give it. If she just tells you that Diesel is her choice then a remark along the lines of 'oh that's rather unusual' would be okay (along with Flight's suggestion of a standard middle name), but you can't really leap in and tell her she's wrong. It is, ultimately, her choice and yes I think it's a bit awkward when the choice is one that a child/teenager/adult is reasonably likely to regret being made for them - but it is her baby.

Oh - and there is, fortunately, deed poll. Or indeed a middle name. One of my best schoolfriends uses hers because she hates her first name.

Jujubean77 · 17/10/2009 19:26

fuck that is an awful name to burden your child with.

ShinyAndNew · 17/10/2009 19:32

At 16 my thinking is if you tell her not to name him Diesel, she inevitably will just because she can. If you/her mum tell her you don't like the name she will name him that because she can.

I also agree with Carmen, she doesn't need second guessing at this stage. She needs support.

If you/her mum don't like her choice in names, fine, it's not your child it is hers. Yes she will mistakes along the way and she will need supporting. But surely what she calls him/her is her choice and no one elses?

TheDemonicButDandyLioness · 17/10/2009 19:49

I don't think it's that bad.

But then it doesn't have that shock factor for me because I knew at least one Diesel as a teenager - I went to a German school and it's a German name.

I think it's OK to politely give your opinion if asked or you're discussing it. You could say something along lines of, "it's a strong and unusual name. Have you considered that as a middle name? With the first name being more traditional? Because then you could use Diesel as a nickname but your son would have a more standard first name." Hmm, even that sounds a bit tactless ... I think the girl's mother could get away with saying that though. Mothers can (and do) wade in where others fear to go!

But bottom line - it's her choice, it is a proper name and it's none of your business really

mathanxiety · 18/10/2009 05:32

I just hope the child's name is the only problem he'll ever have in his life. Is this the only thing the family is worried about in the circumstances?

savoycabbage · 18/10/2009 06:13

I don't think it's that bad either. In fact it could be quite easily a lot worse.

It does remind me of a conversation that I overheard between two old ladies about "Supernanny". One was telling the other that the child had been called Petrol and how terrible it was. The other one was asking her if she was sure and the first was saying that she was. I was almost demented trying to work out what it was. I had to find an old newspaper or I would have never slept again.

buzzybee · 18/10/2009 06:30

I think its almost inevitable that a teenager will want to call her baby something "cool". A name is hardly the worst thing in the world to cope with. A boy in my DD's class at school is called Jedi and while I'm sure most mums have rolled their eyes the kids (a) think its pretty cool and (b) just get on with it. About the only thing I can suggest is to ask her what her friends think of the name - if she's had some negative feedback already from one or more friends she's much more likely to reflect on that and possibly reconsider than what her mum or her mum's friends think. I guess your friend could call him some sort of nickname? Maybe just "D"? My DD2 is called "B"!

pranma · 18/10/2009 13:00

I am sure there is a pop star with a son named Diesel.Tell her it is fine and sounds just like Denzil!

LynetteScavo · 18/10/2009 13:08

Diesel the train in Thomas is a baddie, isn't he?

frightstick · 18/10/2009 13:43

Why not buy her a diesel engine from the Thomas train set. She might not think it's so cool as a rather ugly train, rather than a designer sweatshirt.

PrincessFiorimonde · 18/10/2009 13:55

Pranma, you might be thinking of Frank Zappa's son Dweezil.

I believe Dweezil Zappa is also a rock guitarist.

btw, his sisters are called Moon Unit and Diva.

Nancy66 · 18/10/2009 13:58

if one of the parents to be asks you what you think of a potential name then it's perfectly acceptable to say if you don't like it.

But if people don't ask, keep quiet or trot out the classic 'ohhh that's unusual' line.

monniemae · 03/11/2009 17:16

If she was 30, would her mum be panicking about how teachers would judge the child? She may be only 16 but needs the support, assurances and trust of those around her, not a pre-natal hand-wringing of what will become of the baby. And if she's this determined about the names, hopefully it means she'll be able to stand her ground about other decisions that are hers to make, as a mother.

It's cute, anyway, on second (or third) look..

birdofthenorth · 03/11/2009 17:36

I would suggest her mum (and you if you want to get involved) make positive suggestions for male middle names which are more conventional, so that if she does go with Diesel (a ridiculous name, but one she's more not less likely to stick to if you undermine it), the boy has a more sensible fallback option should he not want future teachers, employers, girlfriends etc to be put off by a name akin to Petrol.

That, or just pray it's a girl!!

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