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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby names - can't agree on any!

37 replies

rainbowface · 17/05/2003 20:00

I am expecting my second baby early September (already have a ds age 3). My partner and I used the only boys name we both agreed on last time and whilst we seem to have come to an agreement on a girls name now, we are going round and round trying to find another boys name we both like. I know we have lots of time but we both like completely different sorts of names and have read tons of baby name books and I really believe we are not going to come to an agreement if we do have a boy. Anyone else have this problem??

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pie · 17/05/2003 20:06

When my DH were getting together he told me he had a girls name and a boys name all picked out. At the time I hated both, but said nothing as I wasn't even sure what was going on with us and it may never have come to children.

Now that we are expecting DD2 in October he has 'put his foot down' and wants the girls name he picked out when he was about 8. His argument for not comprimising??? I had DD1 about a year before I met him and he had nothing to do with picking out her name!! WTF?

As he didn't want me to have this baby, unplanned and all, I have told him he can have his precious name, as a kind of olive branch and in the hope that he will begin to show some enthusiasm. I really don't like this name though and live in hope that he will change his mind. Although I realise this is unlikely to happen. Thank God we're not expecting a boy as I REALLY REALLY hate the boys name he wants. There would be some sort of UN peace keeping mission going on in our home if this were a boy.

Original poster

rainbowface · 17/05/2003 20:14

Pie, but doesnt that really grate with you though, having to concede to a name that you dont really like?

OP posts:

pie · 17/05/2003 20:39

Totally, rainbowface. Its not that I expect him to go with a name only I like, but I don't really understand why he is willing to go through names and find a compromise. I know that the name he wants is one of his longest standing childhood dreams and I guess thats why I haven't turned this into a battle. I said to him that has the girl will have his last name and a first name picked only by him I would at least like to pick the middle name, but noooooooo he's picked that one out too.

I still have 22 weeks before the DD2 is due though and well, anything can happen. Like I could accidentally forget to tell him what day I'm going down to the registry office.

WideWebWitch · 17/05/2003 20:47

Pie, if the baby is getting his last name then surely you ought to be able to find a first name that's at least a compromise? You really have to live with his and I don't think the fact that he has had his heart set on this since he was small is a good enough reason for going with a name you don't like. Do you really, really dislike it? Only you can decide whether it's a battle worth having or not though. Personally, I wouldn't dream of forcing the issue if I loved a name but dp hated it, I'd think we had to just keep looking until we found something we could both live with. Or, you're right, you could forget to tell him when you're going to the registry office Must admit I'd be really tempted if he wouldn't budge.

sobernow · 17/05/2003 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pie · 17/05/2003 20:52

I think that the real reason I'm not fighting him on the name issue at the moment is that I really really want this baby and he is relunctant at best. I guess I want him to want her and if that means giving into him, at the moment anyhow, then I will do that to keep the peace.

I do find it disrespectful though of him, as your right I will be using the name a million times in our lifetime. But I'm hoping that he will realise that is a very unfair position to put me in.

The only thing that I like about the name he wants is that it means ressurection and as I was told about 4 times in the first trimester to go home and expect bleeding as the baby wasn't going to make it it is quite fitting.

sobernow · 17/05/2003 20:59

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pie · 17/05/2003 21:01

nope!

Anastacia. Don't ask me why I don't like it, guess its just a matter of taste. I know that she will get called Ana os Stacey and I don't like those either. When ever I call the bump by that name it just feels wrong.

pie · 17/05/2003 21:02

BTW, anyone out there called Anastacia or having a DD with that name, please don't take offence, its just not for me!

sobernow · 17/05/2003 21:03

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sobernow · 17/05/2003 21:05

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pie · 17/05/2003 21:09

Thanks for the support sobernow, unfortunately he didn't even know that it meant that, he only found out because I asked him if thats why he liked the name. But no, it just sounds 'puurrtey'.

Ok he has an American accent but not deep south, just makes me feel better!

WedgiesMum · 17/05/2003 21:09

Just a thought pie but have you thought of a nickname for the baby?? My DD has a name that we both chose together and both love, but she practically always gets called Bird, or Birdie and seems to prefer that herself and I'm really really fond of it now too because it is who she is.

lisaj · 17/05/2003 21:26

Rainbowface - we had exactly this problem. Before ds was born, we couldn't agree on anything. It wasn't until about a week before that we finally decided that it had to be sorted and we did come up with one. It became a bit of a standing joke with friends about us and baby names. We had managed to agree on a girl's name fairly early on. When I got pregnant again, we didn't have another boy's name that we both liked, but fortunately we had a girl! Funnily enough, we didn't actually use the original girl's name that we had chosen first time round, as we had both gone off it. Maybe you will have a girl, which will solve your problem!

pie · 17/05/2003 22:23

www, I did try to point out the logic of reaching a compromise, but as you said its a battle I have to decide on whether to fight or not. As yet I haven't decided whether, or how hard, I want to fight on this one.

Wedgiesmum, if it comes to it I will probably use a nickname, but we are so not a nickname family, if you know what I mean.

sb34 · 17/05/2003 22:28

Message withdrawn

Bossanova · 18/05/2003 02:53

Pie, you say you feel that giving in to this name may make him more enthusiastic about her but has he considered that giving her a name you hate may affect the way you bond with/relate to her?

She's your baby too and you deserve some say in the matter. Hope you can sort this out.

Bobbins · 18/05/2003 03:01

My partner who is Portuguese, would like his first born son to be called 'Willy". What can I say?

Bobbins · 18/05/2003 03:06

OK...this is horibly sexist, bit i belive as you carry it for nine months, it is the woman's prerogative to have the last say as far as naming goes. I really believe this for some silly reason. It is like some kind of instinct.

I am sue this doesn't help. It's like saying this is the way it is...so NURRR. Sorry pie.

Bobbins · 18/05/2003 03:12

atrocious spelling .... partner is watching Deer Hunter and I'm knocking back the vino, as I've already seen it two times and it's so bloody long. That is my excuse.

Nicknames are fine in my book. I have plenty plenty.

eidsvold · 18/05/2003 08:27

rainbow - it was very difficult for dh and I to agree on a name.... particularly for me as I was a teacher and so many names just brought back memories of students ( good and bad) and I wanted something a little different. Dh did not like the names I had thought about ..... finally after much searching - via the internet and more baby names books than I care to remember... dh found one and we both loved it. I also got to pick her middle name which we both love too.

Perhaps you could try searching via the internet for names from different countries/cultures - you might be surprised.

Having said that - thank goodness dd was a girl as we had no boys name picked out - we just could not find one we liked!!! Lucky for her and us.

She also get so many nicknames - we actually have to make ourselves use her real name so she'll learn to respond to that.

Ghosty · 18/05/2003 09:10

eidsvold ... I had that problem when we were choosing a name for DS ... every time I thought of one I would have a picture of a child that I had taught and I would go off it again ... LOL
Pie ... I don't know what I would do in your situation ... it's a difficult one. Within 5 minutes of my DS being born all my DH's friends shortened his name to a version that I detested ... I told DH that if I had known they would do that I would never have called him that in the first place ... so I started using another shortened version that was marginally better and it took me quite a while to get used to it and took me about a year to make it clear to DH's mates that DS' name was NOT !!!!
Anyway ... Pie ... how do you like the name Annie? It is quite sweet and you could shorten Anastasia to that ... if you liked it that is ... and DH could keep calling her Anastasia ...

StripyMouse · 18/05/2003 09:20

eidsvold - know exactly what you mean about boys names - we find it very easy to find girls names we agree on (fortunate as number one was a little girl) but boys names are so hard so find. We just don?t agree at all and I am fairly sure that number 2 is going to be a boy. There is the standard set of about 20 boys names that you hear everywhere (Harry, Jack, Jacob, William, Sam, Ben etc. etc.) I quite like these names but they are so common in our area that I would like something just a bit more original. Then there are the "old mens" names (Norman, Arthur, Donald etc.) I know some of them are quirky and even cute but I can?t bring myself to like them and dh hates those sort of names. He prefers the "80s" type names such as Miles, Piers, Barclay, Brent etc etc. - to me they just sound like Dynasty or Dallas characters and then others could have the potential to become the Kylie/Britney/Kevin and Wayne names of the future....hmmm. The nwe look at the unusual names sections and find it hard to imagine having a Aaarvard or Hravashan as names fitting into our particular family. Therefore we are still at square one. Oh well - still got plenty of time to go.

(Sorry if some of those names are those of your dearly beloved - no offence meant , I realise that it is a subjective and personal choice, just used examples to explain our personal difficulties!)

doormat · 18/05/2003 10:14

I have had this problem with 3 of my children,
When I was pg with dd3 I really wanted Sarah as name but when she was born she did not "look" like a Sarah so named her differently.

Ds2 was named on the hospital steps as he wanted Joseph, I wanted Joshua. We had argued for months on what he should be called. He ended up with a much nicer name.

Ds1 is a different matter. He was going to be Daniel and I insisted on it all the way through pregnancy. While in the labour ward I had heard on the radio that Jamie Bulgers mum had given birth to a boy Michael weighing 4 pound and 14oz. A couple of hours later my son was born weighing 4 pound 14oz. Instead of naming him Daniel I named him Jamie.

janh · 18/05/2003 11:11

pie, I don't know if this will help but there is a whole series of books about a girl called Anastasia, by Lois Lowry, she is an absolutely fantastic character and very funny - maybe if you read a couple of those you would like the name a bit more?

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