Has anyone else done this?

[BeckyBook]

My husband and I plan on giving our future children a surname made from our two surnames combined ie the first three letters of his surname and the last four letters of mine. It actually makes a really nice normal-sounding-but-unique name and we're really happy about it.

However, I have had some interesting responses when I tell people what we plan to do. (Can I point out I only ever mention it when someone asks what surname our children will have. I have a reputation amongst my friends as a feminist, and we are considered quite a hippy couple by most of our mates and family, so people are curious about we will do.) Some of the responses have been positive, like 'Oh wow! How modern!', some surprised - 'ooh never thought of doing that' and some odd - 'are you sure that's legal?'

Have also had plenty of responses along the lines of 'oh that's cruel, they'll be the laughing stock of the playground, they'll be ostracised, people will laugh at them'. What I want to ask you good ladies is, has this happened to anyone else who has done this? My thinking is that there are plenty of kids in London today who have different surnames from one - or both - of their parents, and I don't understand how this can still be considered an issue. Has it been for you?

Oh and one friend told me that I would have to carry birth certificates around to prove to people that I am the mother! Anyone experienced this?
Very keen to hear other's stories

Fair enough!

Thanks mumof3whippets - i do appreciate your post!

I can appreciate that it does sound pretentious. To me, that's the bit that rings most true, and is the biggest problem. But I wonder how many other things seemed totally out there when they started, but we now find them normal. Did everyone think that 'Ms' was only used by men-haters at the beginning? (do some people still think that?)
Nylon is a hybrid word (it was invented in New York and London at the same time), I think its a good one!

The logistical problem of what to do with the name for future generations is the only real issue I have considered. That was what put me off double barrelled names because i thought it isn't sustainable, would be ridiculous to have double-double barrelled names. (Which is why I prefer the hybrid option because your children can still double barrel and keep their whole name if they like. Or the woman - or man - can take the others name, to me, it would be silly to take someone else's double barrelled name because it looks like half of it is yours, when it isn't)
However, having thought about it, I've thought that what matters is your generation, how the woman/man feels, the name of that nuclear family. Future generations can decide what they want to do for themselves. (Whether they want to take the man's name, or double barrel, keep their own, or hybrid) For carrying on hybrid names, i would have thought the best thing to do would be to choose the most aesethetic combination. If anyone is upset, then it obviously runs deeper than just the name choosing, so that's a different issue. And they should be glad they got to have part of their name as the surname for their immediate family and not mind if their part gets dropped.

I cannot understand the hysteria and tears of JamandJerusalem's family. Is it just fear of change? Fear of doing something different, or of being seen as weird/different/pretensious (i can understand that). No one is suggesting that they have to change their name.
No one considers the woman's feelings (and her family) that she has to abandon her name. My mum said it took her about ten years to fully get used to changing her name to my dads (and still doesn't like it).
To me hybrid is like double-barrelling, but slightly better because its less of a mouthful, and creates one unified word.
Yes, i know it seems pretensious! But I do think its good...
Thank you again to mumof3whippets for your calm reasoning.
I have a feeling that maybe people's reactions are a strong gut reaction based more on feeling, which is understandable as it is to do with identify and family and history. However, I think its a shame that others can't understand that the women getting married may also have feelings about their own identity that they feel inspired to do something different from what is currently the norm.

i wanted to do this, giving first 3 letters of my name and the rest of partners last name would have been Mccthomas...but just stuck to Thomas in the end because OH didnt like it...

This isn't a new thing at all, both my grandparents on my mum's side come from families where they all assumed a new plucked-from-nowhere name when they married. I know of other people whose grandparents had the same thing. I don't think it's nuts, it's just something that isn't done so much any more. I have no idea about the practical implications, although surely most people upon realising you had a different surname to DCs would just assume they had their father's name?

Quite a batty thing to do, but hey, go for it if it pleases you!

Gagamama - do you know what the new surnames from your grandparents families were? and the other ones that you've heard of...
i'd be interested to hear what people came up with...

I think it's a brilliant idea. We have three different last names in our family - although the children are hyphenated - and it has never been te slightest problem.

The hyphenated names are both quite unusual, so the dcs really like being the only ones in the world with that name.

I would go for a not too out there first name though - you can have too much of a good thing!

Why dont you all change to the hybrid name? (not read all replies so osrry if I've missed something). When I got pg wth ds1 I didnt want him to have my name as it was exh's name, didnt want him to have dh's name as we werent married, but I didnt really want dh'ds name either, so when we got married I wanted us all to change. But he didnt want to in memory of his Dad (he has sisters, and his brother married i Hong Kong where they use her surname, so dh is the only one with kids with the family name now).

Growing up with 2 surnames (mums and dads) I couldn't wait to change my name to just one when I got married, I liked the names but two was a pain in the neck when filling in forms and explaining to everyone.

Also I never liked not having the same name as anyone - my name was completely unique and I sometimes felt a bit left out from everyone else in the family. I love that DH, DS and I have the same name and I feel special to be part of our "name" family.

Just my experience, I hope it helps you make up your mind.

Good post, wheniwishuponastar.

chocorange - i agree, i'd prefer me, my husband and children to all have the same surname.
wish it didn't seem so strange to hybrid as its the one thing that is putting my hub-to-be off. he already feels like he comes from a slightly strange family (his dad died when he was young, his mother became a lesbian and then he and his siblings and stepsiblings were brought up by the two mothers). i think me insisting on him changing his surname in any way would be an encroachment of his 'masculinity' and tampering with his dad's memory or something.
i wish it was just the norm, then it wouldn't feel like a slight to anyone.
i guess for those who can do it without it causing offence to anyone should do it, to pave the way for others!
my hub-to-be's surname is very strongly 'ethnic' (his word), and since its from a different nationality from mine, i think it will look a bit strange me having it.
he himself doesn't like his surname being so obviously not-british, and contemplated changing to mine, but then decided against it.
minefield!

I agree - I wish people didn't get so damned funny about it all, it's really no-one else's business and they'll get over it. I wish we'd been braver and just gone with it, really, as I'd rather we all had the same name. I think DH's family just couldn't understand it, and therefore thought it was some kind of rejection of their family or snubbing of them of some kind. And possibly demasculating of DH.

(as an aside, the first thing my mother in law said to me after our marriage ceremony was this:
DH's aunt - "So, you're Mrs DH now, eh?"
Me - "ooh, no, I'm keeping my name"
MIL "I expect you'll be Mrs DH when you're spending his money"
Me - "........... if that's the case, he can be Mr JandJ when he's spending mine!". So you can see what I'm dealing with!)

Oh, and they send post to 'Master DS DH' rather than DS JandJ even now! Very irritating.

Do it, wheniwishuponastar, pave the way for the rest of us

I know two families who have done this, one I knew in the 80s and one recently - but in both cases, both parents also changed their names to the new hybrid. I kind of admire it - it's not sexist and it's creative and if it makes a nice name, why not? I don't know of any problems it's caused. Unless the name turns out daft, I can't see that it would make anyone a laughing stock.

I wouldn't do it as I don't think it's necessary - I don't mind having a different name from DP and DS and for DS to have DP's name. I am a feminist but as we're not married I like DS having DP's name as his official link to him IYSWIM.

JandJ: what a strange/rude/weird thing to say... especially coming from a woman!!! bizarre.

The Jury is still out on what I/we will actually do.

When I tried out taking my partner's surname, just to see what it felt like, my parents flipped out! Really not sure why - particularly as my mum took my dad's name, so I did not think this would be a controversial thing. I'll have to figure out what that's about. They like my partner (at least they say they do/seem to) so i'm not sure what the problem is!

Not sure if I have come to this discussion too late, but here's my tuppence-worth anyway: I think the OP's idea is a brilliant one. Double-barrelled names can be so unwieldy, and it's a lovely, original idea. My mum worked with a lady who split with her partner when she was pregnant. She wasn't sure which surname to give the child, so made up a completely new one for him. I think it's very progressive and modern, FWIW!

Can you remember what the made up surname was MamaLazarou?

Spoke to DP last night and i think he wants to go double-barrelled, which i guess is ok. though whether he will actually use his double-barrell is another question.
does anyone know if we will have to legally change our name to use a double-barrell when we get married. my dp thought that it just happened automatically, but i thought you had to change it by deed poll. Does anyone know?

I think you'll need to do it by deed poll. If your DH does that in advance of your wedding then when you marry you can take 'his' name. Otherwise you'd both have to do it by deed poll and it'd cost twice as much.

interesting... so if we pay to have his name changed, then i can just 'take' his name for free?
(does anyone know how to go about doing the deed poll thing?)

As far as I know, yes. Don't know how you do it though... Does this help?

great - thank you - so it costs £33 to change your surname (unless you take your husbands)

Seeing all the form filling, i can see why some people would rather just keep their original names, and give their child a double-barrelled name.

One poster on here said she didn't like being double-barrelled, while her parents kept their own names, as she didn't like being the only one with her surname. Although I can see why people would opt for this option (in fact, i'm thinking of doing it)

Does anyone else have thoughts/experience on this?

My two children have a double barrelled name. They really like being the only two people in the world with their last name, and every now and again they google it, just to be sure there aren't any more of them anywhere!

ah that's sweet.... do they have short first names out of interest?

Slightly reminds me of 'what would your porn star name be (name of 1st pet + name of 1st road lived in = Honey Burlington )

You could just settle for Bananahammock as a surname ;)