Naming a child after someone who has died

[NameSeeker]

I would love to name our child, in some way, in honour of a very close and beloved family member who died, who was called Helen.

I'm dubious about naming a girl the exact name- too much pressure/associations too sad? It was a very tragic, young loss. What does anyone else think?

What I'd really like to do is use a different name that is linked to Helen somehow.

Helen means "light" so anything along those lines meaning-wise would be great.

Otherwise, a phonetic link could work. We have thought of Leonard or Leon for a boy- thoughts? We've not turned our thoughts to girl's names yet (strangely). Any suggestions?

Or do you think it's something I should avoid doing completely?

(ps have got ages to decide! Early stages of pregnancy)

I think it's a lovely idea. But, why not keep the actualy name? Helena is a nice name. Nothing wrong with putting it in the middle. Or, perhaps if you don't like Helen, did did she have a middle name you could use?

I don't think it is sad because you are not remembering her death. You are honoring that life that preceded her death.

My DS1 is named after my brother who died. My dd has the names middle name as my Grandmother who died the week before dd was born

I would say just use it if you like it as a name

How old was the person that died?
Were you in a close relationship with these people?
Yowey.

Forgot to add best to ask the parents/children of the person who died if they mind

I have a friend who's DH died very sadly while she was pregant with their DS1. She named DS1 the same name as DH, but it's abbreviated differently. I think that once a child is there with their own personality, you don't really associate the names in the same way that you do before the child is born.

My SIL gave her DS both her deceased father's names (first and middle) in that order.

Never thought it was unusual really.

Mr dd's middle names are my mum's names. She was born a year after mum died. I like to think a middle name has some kind of meaning IYSWIM. ds' middle name is my dh's middle name and also the name of dh's dad.

I'm not sure i'd use them as a first name though, but that might be because of the actual names i've used rather than the thought of using them as first names. I do like the suggestion of using a name related to the original name though

NameSeeker, I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I think it's a lovely idea that you would like to remember her this way.

You have described how Helen was beautiful and full of grace. What about the name Grace or a name meaning beautiful, such as Aoife, which is Irish (pronounced ee-fa).

Maybe you could use the name as a middle name? We chose our son's middle name after the death of my grandfather and when he is older I look forward to telling him the reason behind his name when he is older.

Enjoy your pregnancy!

Lucy also means light? I think

DS was born on the same day - about 90 years apart - as my (long deceased) grandad, so we gave him that name as an extra middle name - didn't decide until the day.

It feels quite special now when we explain why he has that name. Of course not as raw as the loss of someone young, but it means a lot to my mum who idolised her dad. It's a good thing to do.

Nameseeker, we named DS1 after his grandfarther, my dad, who had died 4 years before his birth.

We knew that he was going to have the name as either a first or middle name and then my grandads name as either a first or middle name.

My son is named after a wonderful couragious and amazing man. In the end we used it as his first name, in full, but call him a shortened version that my dad was never called.

He knows he is named after his grandad and likes it, plus I wanted a name that meant something.

My son's name was chosen because it was the only name that we could agree on and no family member was called that - it turned out that my great grandfather had that name. His middle name is a version of his father's grandfather's name (who at the time was on another planet with alzheimer's, he has sinced died). Ds thinks its special but he is weird having been into archeology and family history at a young age. He always gives both names when asked his name. first, middle and surname. He feels that it is all his names that makes him him.

I would just like to add that my children like to hear the stories behind their names, they are special stoies as they are all family names.

My DS is middle-named after my older brother. He would have been a wonderful uncle, as he was a wonderful brother and a kind, loving, funny, generous man - I am proud to give my son his name and look forward to sharing stories with him about DB when he's older.

Helen is a lovely name, as are all the variants I hope you enjoy the naming process and all the memories it may bring.

I gave my dd as a middle name, the surname of my favourite great uncle that died days after I found out I was pregnant. I always intended to use his name in some way because he was such an inspiring and amazing man.

If you choose Helen or some form of it then it's best to use the possitive to explain why to your child.

ds knows he is kind of named after his uncle (ds name) - actually we just liked the name and I didn't think about Uncle X until we told my Dad what name we'd chosen. Although oddly enough Uncle X was a very close friend and colleague of Auntie Y whose name I would used for a girl....

Ds also has both grandad's names as middles - (one living, one deceased).

All fine and dandy but oddly enough ds did get upset one day and when I asked him what was wrong he said, I'm just thinking of Uncle X and how sad he must be that he never met me. I did have a momentary wobble of 'oh no, what have we done' but I think it's OK really.

I think it's a lovely thing to do. I am Helena and I was named after my dad's sister who died shortly before I was born- she had always been known as Helen but her full name was Helena (pronounced Hel-ee-na), so that is my name too. I like the thought of being named after her, and also use the shortened version Lena

My mum's great aunt, who died the day before I was born, had the name that my mum says she had always wanted to use. Both are valued to me.

I lost a friend at primary school to childhood leukaemia, called Laura. We talked about using it for dd, but didn't in the end, though I would consider it again, if there was an 'again'.

My dd has my mum's name as a middle name - she was diagnosed with incurable cancer 2 weeks before my dd was born - she was always going to though. It took me months to persuade my mum it was a considered choice not an emotional reaction.

My sister died 3 years ago and her two best friends have both chosen to call their daughters after her. One as the first name and one as the second name. She has an unusal name and I think it was a lovely thing to do to honour my sister and to show how much she meant to them. If in the unlikely event that i have another daughter i would definately be honouring my sister by using her name either as a first or a second name.

Helen or helena are lovely names to use as a first name.

I hope that helps

I have had similar thoughts as DH is named after a relative who died young, and we had our children after my brother had died.

In the end, I felt that I was too close to the person who had died (my brother) to name a child after him. It would feel that my baby was a replacement. DH is an extra generation away, and that feels lovely - like his Dad gave a gift to his parents naming his son after his uncle, if you see what I mean. Too many years have passed to feel as though DH is supposed to be filling the gap.

In the end, we had daughters and so avoided the whole dilemma. I know of several friends of my brother, though, who have given their boys his name as a middle name, which again just feels like such a wonderful gift. When their sons ask how they were named, they will here about my brother and his memory will life on.

One last thing - did you know that Lucy also means "light"?

Leonora is another version of Helen.

What aout Leonora Vivien.. I like the fact that in the circumstances, Vivien means life. That could be Lea, Lara, Leoni, Leona, nora, Lori... endless

Sorry about your sister.

I used William as one of my DS's names. My DD was called Billie. I didnt want to give him Billy because I felt it would be too much for him to carry IYSWIM but I thought William was a good compromise.

I think its lovely to use a lost loved one's name for a new baby but I think it does need a bit of thought.

I named my son John Suliac, after my uncle and father, who are both dead. Most names are saints' names anyway, and saints tended to die young and tragically. I don't think it's dark or sad to name a child after someone who is deceased - I think it's nice as their memory lives on in the child. I am proud that my son should bear his grandfather's name.

I didn't give dd my mother's name - i felt it was too sad, too much pressure somehow, too much baggage - my mum died suddenly and prematurely. But I'm not saying this is the right answer, I'm still trying to get my head round why I felt this way and wondering whether to give my second child the name as a middle name if it's a girl - feels less pressure somehow, but then also feels unfair on first dd. As you can see I find it all a bit confusing and wish i could resolve it in my mind. Go with your gut, I think it's wonderful to commemorate lost love ones in naming children, just for some reason I couldn't do it.