A couple of threads today has made me realize that my work here is far from done so.....

[seeker]

When you're thinking of a name for a baby you should consider the following points.

1. Do you LOVE the name - and do you think you will still love it in 50 years time?

1. Do you think - even for a second - "Am I brave enough to use this name?" It's not you that's going to need bravery - it's your child. And he or she may not be a brave person.

1. Are people - teachers, employers, strangers, juries..going to make negative judgements about your child based solely on the name or its spelling? I know they shouldn't, but they will.

1. Will MOST people hearing the name assume that it's the opposite gender?

1. Is it a name that will go with a baby, a toddler, a young adult,a middle aged and an elderly person? You REALLY don't want to be a 50 year old Sunshine.

1. Is it a name that might make your child unhappy at any stage of their life? It's bad enough being a dumpy, spotty teenager with glasses - it' s even worse if you're called Apollo or Bellissima. And you don't want to be a Scottish boy called Jesse - for example. Or a girl called Candida.

7 Is it a name that has to be spelled or explained EVERY SINGLE TIME it's used? It's enough of a pain in the neck to have to correct Bryan to Brian - but at least there's 50:50 chance of it being right. Brion hasn't got a hope. Even if you do think it looks better.

If you answer yes to number 1, and no to all the others, then go ahead. If not, then please please think again.

Hedgewitch, I think that's the point Gossip was making. I would like to consign the pronunciations Si-oh-ban (Siobhan) and See-an/Cyan (Sian) to the same pile. Along with some others I can't remember.

How do you pronounce Sian?

[thick emoticon]

It's pronounced Sharn.

Oh, of course. I was thinking it had to be something wildly impossibly unguessable (as Siobhan was before anyone told me). Thanks, I can now pretend to not be thick

Great advice

BTW I would pronounce Sian in a similar way but without the "r", sort of like 'Shaaan'.

(Rogue "r"s are very dodgy in a suppressed Wiltshire accent.)

I have seen a name spelt thus: Shavaun

I agree with Seeker. You do not have to live with your name, your child does.

Some children will grow up liking their unusual names. For some less confident children it will be a burden.

I think that what I am saying is that if you give your child an unusual spelling or pronunciation of a name then the child is not really going to appreciate that in the future.

For the rest of their lives they will have to say

'My name is Loukas, spelt L-O-U-K-A-S' instead of Lucas.

'N-i-a-m-h, pronounced NY-AMM'

There was a lovely baby in the dr's surgery yesterday and when her name came up on the board I sat for 5 mins wondering how to say her name and thinking that she is saddled with it for life. OK, not a terrible name but not my choice but she will always have to spell it and her birthday cards will always be spelt wrong and pronunciations etc

Her name was Jordana. Now, the spellings from that will be Jordanna, or Jordanner but is it said like that or is it Jor-day-ner??

A puzzle.

And before you say that it wont be written down wrong, DH is Luca and he had a card from a friend with his name written as Looker.

I rest my case.

I think whatever name you give to your child, they might at a point or another in their life not like it because lets face the only way to be absolutely certain a child will like their name is to let them choose it!

I think the name we give to our children are for all sorts of reasons. In a world where races and cultures are mixed more and more and where fashion plays more of a role too, it is unreasonable to expect all the children to have "ordinary" names just because it makes other peoples life a bit easier!

My dcs have unusual names here but if they were to move back to their country of origin they would be "ordinary" names. They happen to live in the uk at the moment and I would find it sad to let go of their heritage just to please people I will not see twice in my life but who still think it is ok to comment!

Gorionine
There is a difference between giving your child an ususual name for his/her country of origin and an expat child having an unusual name in the country that they are now living in.

My DC have names that are not common here in Switzerland, or indeed Germany. But we liked DD's name, which is Scottish and so it was natural for us to chose a Scottish name for DS too.

A child born and bred in UK called eg. Fabian or Jan would be a different story. They would always have to explain the spelling and pronounciation.

MmeLindt,a lot of children are born and bred in a country tha tis not their parents country of origin (mine included) why should I call my son "James" if I think "Mohammed" (not my son's name but could have been) just because I live in the uk? Had your children been born in Switzerland would you have chosen different names for them? If so would it have been because you like a particular swiss name or because it would make swiss people happier?

"Jan"'s parents might be eastern european and "Fabian"'s ones might be french even though there children were born in the UK.Or they could have been named after a foreign grandparent. I relly do not see a problem as long as the child name is not sounding like a rude word in the country were he lives at the time his parents choose the name.

MmLindt, I just realised something else you say:
""But we liked DD's name, which is Scottish and so it was natural for us to chose a Scottish name for DS too.""

Is that not the point? giving your child a name YOU like? regardless of what other people think?

"Is that not the point? giving your child a name YOU like? regardless of what other people think? "

Well no, not entirely, because it is your child who has to live with it. I speak as someone who was given a perfectly ordinary name because her mother liked it. Fine, except it f-ing well rhymed with my surname!

When our mixed-nationality dcs were born, we had no idea where they might end up living. They are not expats, they just belong to two cultures and currently live in one of them. We thought of choosing some totally bland name that wouldn't seem unusual anywhere, but the problem was we couldn't really think of any bland names that we actually liked.

And usage has changed so much in the last 30 years that names that are bland and everyday in Sweden are unusual in the UK; conversely, names common in the UK are often quite unusual abroad.

And names have different associations. "Edward", which dh liked, sounds good in English, but in Swedish sounds like the deceiver of innocent maidens in some cheap tatty romance from the early 1900s. The kind of person who would forever be curling his moustache and smoking fat cigars. Yuk!

So in the end we went for very strongly Swedish names- particularly for ds- and it has worked very well. Yes, he has to explain how it's spelled, yes he has to explain who he is, but he is proud of that, it's his identity, it makes him feel special. At least it's a name that has no negative associations in either culture.

Am not sure that it is always wrong to choose an unusual name. Most of the names that are now common in the UK must have been very unusual when someone first used them (no Kylies 30 years ago); yet they clearly caught on quickly and no longer involve any social disadvantage. Whereas the sort of name that someone of my generation might think of as safe and ordinary is really quite unusual now (no Marks or Fionas around here).

The thing that always baffles me about these kinds of threads is that there are people who think there are names that are 'correct' in some way. There is never going to be a single name that 100% of people will like, let alone love.

And even if there were and we managed to identify the one for each sex which everyone liked we would have to find other means to make them identifiable as individuals and the whole business starts all over again!

Soupdragon, how unfortunate!

I do understand what you are saying but maybe you are who you are now because of the name they gave you? Maybe with a differnt name you would not have the same personality?

I don't think there would be anything wrong with being a 50 year old Sunshine actually. Better than all the millions of 50 year old who are gonna be around in a couple of years called Jack. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I have a totally crap, unusually spelled, difficult to pronounce etc etc etc name which I hate. But it sure has helped me be the person I am today i can tell you that.

I so agree with the op. Names should not arrive before the child like luggage sent on ahead. It is cruel to try to express your own personality through your child's name. Teachers will judge, peers will mock. Not nice, but so so true.

moopymoo, even a usual properly name expresses the personality of the parent who gives it!

should say "properly spelt", sorry!

True, but not in an ohh look at me big shouty way. Imo. But I am a fusty old cynic!

No, moopypoo (and others with the same argument),you are right on a point, people do make fun of other peoples names, but IMO they do it anyway if they do not like the name, it does not have to be unusual to be funny or picked on. Henry is a nice usual name but is now connected to "Horrid Henry" for exemple, there is no geting away with it so you might as well choose a name you like hopping your child will as well because ther is never a guaranty that absolutely everyone will like it anyway!

"maybe you are who you are now because of the name they gave you?"

Yes, I'm sure I am. Painfully shy with a phobia of being laughed at.

This may sound incredibly harsh, but some kids are just more likely to get picked on than others. There is no way of telling when they are born but some will really struggle through school getting called names. If your DC is one of these children it will not make much difference if he is called Jack Smith or Zaphod Moon Unit Pilot Inspektor Sunshine Smith, the other children will think of something to taunt him with.

So pick a name you really, really love and hope for the best. And if your DC is one of those children who has a hard time at school, despair not loads of kids survive bullying to go on and be successful adults.

I am moopymoo btw, not moopypoo... see how silly names can get twisted???