Should (quite a bit) older siblings get a veto on a new baby's name?

[SoLongMarianne]

I'm pregnant (still superstitiously negotiating 1st trimester so not "out" on mumsnet yet but am a regular poster) with older kids (all over 9). I was idly discussing names with my other half today only to be interrupted every two seconds by our children's impassioned pleas not to inflict any of our most treasured choices on the new bairn. Cries of "Urrgh! that's the worst name I've ever heard!" and "No! There's a horrid kid called X at school and I will never forgive you if you name my brother/sister that!" and so on and so forth abounded. I'm not planning to hand over naming duties to them wholesale or anything but if they really hated a name should that be taken into account?

I agree with Janni-they are the ones who know what the reaction in the playground will be!
I should have a short list. I chose a name for my brother, which wasn't used (perhaps just as well!)but I really disliked the name chosen and have never changed my mind.

I don't think anyone should have a say in the name of a baby except the parents, with the mother having the final say

I wouldn't choose a name that they absoutely hate!
Get them to write a list of favorite names, then discuss name meanings etc.etc. so the feel involved.
I've read that hearing their oppinions is what matters to kids most - you don't have to agree with them though!

it would be a lovely idea to include them in choosing the name, but you don't have to go with what they say. But they could pick middle names

Why don't you ask them what names they would choose, and see what you and DH think about those?

Liking that idea Because.

Thunder is actually quite a cool name.

Agree letting them pick middle names would be nice. 2 of our kids are known by their middles anyway!

If it was a name I really loved and miracle of miracles DH actually agreed then any yuk from siblings would be ignored, yes. It was hard enough finding something we both liked.

I did run our final choice past the 3 at home as a courtesy.

(was your 22.35 response to me intended to be as aggressive as it came across? )

What?! Of course it wasn't, catweezle. Why do you think that? I thought your advice was great and wanted to discuss it a bit more, especially as you're one of the people who's been through a similar situation.

Sorry I clearly read that wrong.

I don't think it would affect their feelings toward the baby BUT someone else had a good point about them knowing the reaction from the playground. (also would you want to use a name that someone horrible at school had?)

DS2 wanted to call this one Patience. I was tempted but I'm glad we didn't because she has none

So Long Marianne why dont you ask them to make a list (not sure how many there is) of say 5 names that they like and then dh and you could pick one of those as a middle name?

No I wouldnt permit my children to have a say in a siblings name I dont feel it is their right to do. Neither will I ever do like my mother did when I anounced the name of our son (Conrad) and say thats HORRIBLE (in that way) well tough mum you named your children horrid names so why do you think you would like what I choose? I very much hope when my children name their kids I will be able to go ohhh thats PRETTY even if inside im screaming OMG WHAT HAVE YOU DONE...

My uncle named my mam and I think it suits her lol

No worries at all, catweazle (sorry for name mispelling earlier).I think of my posting style as breezy but I guess it was misread as brusque! Anyway- really am sorry that you thought I was being rude when you (and all the others) were being so lovely and helpful.

I think you're right about not going for the name of any horrid people at school. Just worried that they seem unkeen on all our choices and we only have a few that husband and I agree on to start with! Our name preferences tend to the fairly dull/traditional (but not stuffy,) I'd say, and all their friends bar a few have more unusual/trendy names that we maybe wouldn't choose so I'm wondering if a clash is kind of inevitable. Sigh!

Oh well- we have 30 weeeks to sort it out, I guess. Thanks to everyone on this thread- much food for thought!

I think you should listen to their reasons. At school my name (first and last, unfortunately!) rhymed with something very rude. So when a friend considered naming their child the same name, I insisted upon them not to and why (they were quite shocked as I changed my name when I reached 18 and noone knew this). Your children will know which names receive this treatment so it's worth a listen!

That could be a good idea, Lonnie. Sorry to hear about your mum's reaction to Conrad's name. I think Conrad is a` great name but anyway agree with you that it's definitely the duty ofclose relatives to swallow any negative reactions they may feel.

I will definitely listen.

But have to say that so far it's all been along the lines of:
Adult "X is a nice name"
Other Adult "Yes! It's great!"
Child: "Not X! There's a girl/boy called X at school and I hate him/her"
Adult: "Oh! ever heard of him/her before. Do you know him/her well?"
Child: "No."
Adult: "So why do you hate her/him?"
Child "I don't know. But please don't call the baby X!"

Rather than "NOOO! X will be teased and her/his life will be miserable."

Ah I can remember that type of convo well LOL

we presented a shortlist and asked for views (bearing in mind the suggestions we ahd from DS1 and ds2 were 'M' and @crisp packet' hmm] and canvassed for opinions: we also bore in mind what ds3 (speech issues) could actually pronounce and between them narrowed it down, giving ourselves ultimate choice. In the end the boys / ds3 factor was the key to the shortening used (Sebastia, shortened to Bas)

when dd found out we were going to have a baby boy she was adamant she wanted him to be called Nagano after hr favourite ninja warrior

I was 10 when my sister was born and I hated her name at the time (Grace). She's now 15 so 15 years ago it was only just making a re-appearance so to me I associated it as an old woman's name.
I'm glad they ignored my opinion as I now think it's a beautiful name. Yes it's over used now but she was one of the originals lol.
It just goes to show that my opinions were worth diddly squat at the age of 10 and my parents were totally right to go with a name which THEY loved.
It is of course nice if the whole family love a name, but if your kids are like most kids I know I suspect that at least one of them will find an objection to every name under the sun! lol
.

I know a Maisy Dora (about 3) who was names entirely by her big sister, no parental veto. Wonder what her influences were then?

My DH was 4 when his brother was born, and DH was allowed to choose the name. Luckily he chose Peter rather than Megatron or Skywalker.

Maisie Dora is quite nice.

DD1 wanted Emily for the new baby, which turned out to be a boy.

Our dds were 10 and 12 when dds arrived. We made the mistake of asking their views. In actual fact we ended up with our choices for the first 2 names and dd2s choice for the third name. DD2 really didn't like DD3s name but we stuck with it!

Our Ds wants to call his new baby brother Wall-e!! Every time i bring it up about it not being this name he gets stroppy/upset! We've now told him that it will be the babies middle name, obviously not officially on the birth certificate. I don't want him to hate ds4 to be, if he's not called this. He talks about his baby brother wall-e to everyone!!

Awwww Jenny that is very cute! How old is he? It would be hillarious if you actually named him Wall-e! He's obviously very excited about getting a new brother, bless x