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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby girls name picked 3 years ago but brother-in-law just left his family for woman with same name?!

35 replies

Zacksmummy · 08/01/2009 23:08

What would you do? - stick with the name you both liked/imagined using if you had a girl or would you be put off by the pain caused within the extended family by "the other woman" of the same name?! Brother in laws wife and children don't yet know about the other woman for definite yet or her name, she lives abroad and we have never met her.
Hubbies attitude is that if we like the name then we should stick with it regardless (I'm a bit more sensitive so I'm worried!)
(Baby due in 8 weeks but don't know if boy or girl....)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Northernlurker · 08/01/2009 23:10

Tricky - but I would pick a name thats similar but different - you could brave it out - but you'll always associate the name with this sad thing thats happened. Do you want to say then name and then we can suggest alternatives?

CatchaStar · 08/01/2009 23:13

I personally would go with a different name as the association would always be there.

It sucks, but is there a close second that you like as much?

Original poster

Zacksmummy · 08/01/2009 23:18

The name is Lucy. Also thought of Lisa as it's similar as Northenlurker has suggested. (I confess I posted another thread a couple of days ago for names to go with "Zack" but as I didn't get a huge response I thought I should explain why I'm having a hard time choosing and see what others think!)

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 08/01/2009 23:24

Lucy is a lovely name - if she really looks like Lucy then maybe you should go with it - or you could try Lucinda or Lucia or Louise. Susie is rather similar sounding and sounds nice with Zach.

Northernlurker · 08/01/2009 23:43

Or you could spell it Lucie which I think is very pretty too - she would spend a lot of time correcting other people though!

ninedragons · 08/01/2009 23:47

Back to the drawing board, I'm afraid.

I like Northernlurker's suggestions of Lucinda or Louise - they both have the same pretty, classic vibe as Lucy.

snice · 08/01/2009 23:49

I think Louisa is prettier than Louise

lavenderbagg · 09/01/2009 04:56

I agree with you would be insensitive to use it.

twentypence · 09/01/2009 06:31

Can you go with Lucinda and then shorten when either everyone accepts her into the family or they split up and everyone forgets about her?

Littlefish · 09/01/2009 06:55

Eloise is beautiful.

Littlefish · 09/01/2009 06:55

Eloise is beautiful.

fgpl · 09/01/2009 10:26

Oh no. How awful.
Wouldn't use it myself I'm afraid.

Gorionine · 09/01/2009 10:30

Lucinda? like the loony in The apprentice? not sure that is much better...

seriously now, your Ds might find it a bit upsetting, then again she might not mind at all, have you asked her? is she aware it is a name you had in mind long beforwe this sad event?

TheRedQueen · 09/01/2009 11:10

Zacksmummy: I desperately wanted to call my DD after my much-loved Grandmother, Mary. However, in the months before DD was born, my husband's brother and his wife (also a Mary) went through an extremely bitter divorce, and, as a consequence, I let myself be persuaded that we should call DD a different "neutral" name to avoid ill-feeling.

I would have to say that I still regret not having stuck to my guns, in particular as it's now clear to me that the name would in fact soon have become "owned" by my daughter and the light that she brings to the whole family, rather than continuing to have an negative overtone because of the ex-sister-in-law.

Fimbo · 09/01/2009 11:14

What an awful situation.

Does your mil know? Could you ask what she thinks?

Lucinda is probably the best option at the moment which you could later shorten to Lucy.

Hope your sil is ok when she finds out about the ow.

justme85 · 09/01/2009 16:41

Have you made it known that your baby girls name is going to be Lucy? As if your family are aware of it perhaps that will make it easier should you choose to stick to your choice. Also how often do you see your sister in law and her children? If you are close maybe it is better avoided however, if you rarely have contact I can't see how or why it should alter your decision. I was going to pick a name that a 2nd cousin used for her son and considered changing it until my nan pointed out I nearly never see her or her son so it would not affect either of us. If it's going to be a reminder for you however of this then maybe a new name is better. Leyla? Lois? Lacey?

MarchNowFebMum · 09/01/2009 17:17

Lulu?
Lola?
Luisa?

Original poster

Zacksmummy · 09/01/2009 17:44

Thanks for the comments - will have to think on it some more. It's my sister-in-law rather than my sister and we're lucky if we see them once a year because we live at opposite ends of the country. I only know about the situation as my brother-in-law has confided in my husband (his brother)over the phone. The situation seems fairly complex (aren't they always!)Personally I think it may be a mid life crisis thing gone too far but maybe this will be the big love of his life

OP posts:

Gorionine · 09/01/2009 17:51

Maybe she will be out of the picture very soon, and you should not give up on a name you relly like? What if your baby had been born just days before, would you have felt bad as well ?

Rindercella · 09/01/2009 17:54

Lucie as someone suggested earlier is a very pretty spelling. Or else cross everything that you'll have a boy! Horrible situation.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 09/01/2009 18:00

I would stick with the name you like. If baby is due in 8 weeks time then noone will think that you've got close enough to your brother's new woman in that space of time to name your DC after her.

Plus things may well fizzle out with her and then you will always regret not going with the name.

greenday · 09/01/2009 18:07

What about Lucille?

Personally, I would find another name. The pain and association is too much, and other family members may unintentionally 'resent' her (short of a milder word) .. if YKWIM.

xxhunnyxx · 10/01/2009 00:49

This is a very tricky situation.

If it was a BIL who had left your sister for a woman named Lucy then I would say defo don't name your child Lucy. However, as she's your SIL so (without wanting to sound cruel) prob wont be part of your family for much longer I think it's not really the end of the world.

If your baby is born before his children learn about this other woman then your lo would be the first Lucy and this other woman would just happen to have the same name.

It's up to u tho, if you're worried about it then maybe it's not a great idea, u have to be 100% sure.

Lucia and Lucille are both nice.

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 10/01/2009 00:54

OK so what would you expect to have happened if your DD already existed and had the same name? WOuld you be made to change her name, or have the whole family whining at every gathering about how she reminded them of the EEEEVVIL one?
TBH as you don't see the relevant people more than once a year, don't worry about it.
If you do have a DD of course you might take one look at her and go' You're not a [lucy] you're a [susannah/whatever] anyway or go right off the name for other reasons.

delphinedownunder · 10/01/2009 02:18

I'd stick with the name you like too. We always had a name in mind for our daughter (long before she was born) and then a good friend of ours met and had children with a woman by the same name. She turned out to be a complete madwoman and left our friend penniless and bereft and almost friendless. When our daughter was born, we discussed our choice of name with our friend and now our daughter 'owns' the name and the crazy one is long gone! Our friend is also much better now!

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