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Original poster

What do you do when you can't agree?

45 replies

bronze · 31/12/2008 11:51

I've written a list of 20ish names. DH has poopooed (good word) them all. Hes suggested a couple names. I know that his names are perfectly respectable names as are my choices but they don't make me go YES thats the one as I guess my choices don't for him.
I've read the entire boys section of a 50,000 names name book and can't find any more.
Now this isn't about which of my names or his names do you like because that's not going to make either of us change our minds but more where do we go from here? What have other people done?

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aGalChangedHerName · 31/12/2008 11:53

Erm i picked all of my dc's names. Not much help to you but i kinda always get my own way

I figured that since i was having them i should oick the names iyswim?

Luckily DH didn't really hate any of the names lol

Tillyscoutsmum · 31/12/2008 12:03

We had a shortlist of my favorite name (which he didn't hate), his favorite name (which I didn't hate) and one which we both thought was ok. We then decided after I'd gone through 36 hours of labour and pushed out a 10lb baby with no pain relief.......we went for my favorite

ninedragons · 31/12/2008 12:04

Slot your DH's choices into your master list. Rank your list and choose the first that you both agree on.

We were in the same position, in that I'd made almost all the suggestions. DD's name was my number 3 but DH's number 1.

silverfrog · 31/12/2008 12:12

we had this with dd2 (dd1 we just seemed to agree on - eventually!)

we had what we thought were her two middle names, but despite making lists and lists of names we couldn't agree on her actual name.

We both had names we really loved, but which the other thought were just "ok".

This went on right up until she was born, and she was nameless for a week or so.

Then we hit on the idea of using one of her middle names as her first name, as finding another middle name wouldn't be too hard, since there were many we liked well enough, but couldn't imagine using day to day.

This worked for us, but may not be much help for you if you are stuck on middle names too!

We had to use the name we did (having decided to go with one of her middle names), as out of the two, dh really didn't want to use one of them as a first name, so it was decison made, really.

We now call her a totally unrelated nickname anyway, but we do that ith dd1 as well!

Original poster
bronze · 31/12/2008 12:15

Ninedragons I wish that would work but we can't agree on any of them.

Silver I wish we could do that but the chosen middle name is too similar to a nephews. Its a family name so they won't mind us using it as a middle name but far too confusing as a first name.

We've never not had a name prepared before. I might end up having to scream at him while in labour to get him to agree. I don't think it would work though. Problem is this is our third boy so we have already used 4 of our top boys names.

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ninedragons · 31/12/2008 12:19

How pregnant are you? Perhaps you should put the matter aside completely and come at it again with fresh eyes in the last fortnight, if you have that long.

Original poster
bronze · 31/12/2008 12:22

23+5 but I went into hosptial at 24 weeks last time and had dd at 27 weeks.
I can't imagine it happening again and having a baby whisked off who hadn't got a name. Her name gave me a connection to her.

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silverfrog · 31/12/2008 12:27

oh, I really feel your pain.

Dh & I are considering going for dc3 - if we do, i hope it's a boy, as we have exhausted all girls names!

Dh has two children from his first marriage (1 boy, 1 girl) and we have 2 dds - all of them have 3 first names, so that's 9 girl's names out of circulation (and in a different life, any of my step daughter's names would have been high on my list!)

If we have another girl, we will be well and truly stuck...

How do you feel about asking you existing dc? they might come up with something good?

or wait and see - we only decided to use dd2's name (Beatrice) after she was born - she was known as ET for a week, until we decided it suited her

silverfrog · 31/12/2008 12:27

sorry, x-post. Can totally understand why you would want a name ready.

loobylu3 · 31/12/2008 12:27

I sympathise bronze as I am in the same position! DH and I can never agree on baby names (expecting DC3 in Feb) and fight/ disagree throughout the pregnancy with me making lots of suggestions and him not liking any of them. He will make a couple of suggestions which I think are terrible!
Having said that, we have agreed (eventually) on the names of our other two children although they weren't either of our favourites.
So, even if you can't agree at the moment, try not to worry because you will be forced to when baby arrives! Also, if you have agreed without too much trouble on your other children's names, I'm sure you will be fine. I think your idea of waiting until just after labour is a good one! Might try that too!!
Sorry, no great ideas but good luck anyway!

Original poster
bronze · 31/12/2008 12:34

at ET

he cant go and register a name without my permission can he (we're married)
I don't think he would though I'm tempted to

Now I know why the Duggers have so many silly names...

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MrsFogi · 31/12/2008 12:39

Wait until he has seen you go through labour - he will agree to anything in the hour following birth.

Leo9 · 31/12/2008 12:41

well I think the person who carries the baby and goes through the labour has the casting vote, personally!

silverfrog · 31/12/2008 12:42

It really suited her - all huge eyes, and a tiny little nose...

has your dh gone through a name book at all? If you both come up with a list of 10 or so, which isn't that hard, and then try ninedragons' ranking method?

Imo, the most important bit is to have a name that neithe rof you hate, as opposed to one that you both love. You will both come to love the name once it is attached to your dc

LiffeyValleyOfTheDolls · 31/12/2008 12:44

No help, but just sympathy. I made a list of 30 names that I could have lived with. xh said 'nah' to all of them. He had two on his list. Both names already used in my close circle. ARG

LiffeyValleyOfTheDolls · 31/12/2008 12:47

Bronze, what are your husband's suggestions?

Original poster
bronze · 31/12/2008 12:50

Joel and Joseph.
I can see they're perfectly respectable names just don't want to name a child of mine them. Especially Joel as its sounds funny with our surname. Theres quite a few Josephs around too

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LiffeyValleyOfTheDolls · 31/12/2008 12:51

Hmmm, yeah, they're two I'd put into the very ok category.

What are your top 2? Just to get an idea of your style.

Original poster
bronze · 31/12/2008 12:53

top 2? ahhh
ok I like Elijah (also like Elias and Eli)
Gideon I thinks my second favourite but I can understand that its a bit more unusual for dh to cope with

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TsarHumbug · 31/12/2008 13:02

We agreed in the end but if, if we hadn't (I will probably get toasted for this) I think I'd kind of expect to have the casting vote. Mum's perk for doing all the work. Imo.

LiffeyValleyOfTheDolls · 31/12/2008 13:17

I really like Gideon. That's fabulous.

Prefer it to Joseph. TELL your husband that some random internet sprite that neither of you have ever met prefers Gideon too.

There. That should settle it.

What about Gideon with Daddy allowed to nn him Guy sometimes??

Original poster
bronze · 31/12/2008 13:20

Have a Guy in the close extended family.

See I knew my names were batter!

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Original poster
bronze · 31/12/2008 13:21

batter better

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Original poster
bronze · 31/12/2008 18:15

bump- anyone else got any magic ideas?

Funnily we've just agreed on our fourth girls name yet we know we're having a boy

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2pt4WiseMen · 31/12/2008 19:47

Do a list of your top 5 and get your DH to do the same.
Take it in turns to cross off the ones you like least from each others list until you have only one name left each.
If you can agree at that point to have one as the first name and one as the middle then perfect!
If not - toss a coin!!!