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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Would you use a name you know your friend LOVES and has been 'saving' ....

58 replies

DisenchantedPlusBump · 28/07/2008 19:16

for when she has a girl?

When I say friend, the last time I saw her was about a month ago and before that Christmas. We do talk occasionally and I do class her as a friend, but not the 'see everyday or two and do loads of stuff together' sort.

Plus She has 3 boys, I have 2 boys (she is desperate for a girl) and I'm having a girl first.

OP posts:

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GooseyLoosey · 28/07/2008 19:44

If I loved the name, really loved it, I would probably go ahead and use it!

Hulababy · 28/07/2008 19:45

Ask her how she'd feel.

BrownSuga · 28/07/2008 19:50

Ask her and if she minds, use poppy as a middle name.

wb · 28/07/2008 19:57

I don't think it's possible to 'steal' the name Poppy - I mean, it's not like you only heard it for the first time when your friend mentioned it. But I doubt she'd see it that way.

How annoyed would you be if you didn't use it and then she named her daughter Claire instead?

CantSleepWontSleep · 28/07/2008 20:05

Poppy is a very popular name, so it's hardly stealing from her, esp as she's not even pregnant, and there's a chance that she may never be.

A friend was recently considering the name we were set on for a boy if we ever had one, and she knew that she was having a boy. Whilst I would have been a bit disappointed if she had 'nicked' it, I'd have got over it, and as it happens we are now relegating it to middle name for our ds anyway.

Since she's not even a close friend, I would certainly go ahead if it's the name you still love most when your dd is born.

Flossish · 28/07/2008 20:11

My friends mum told me I had to think of another name for my DD as she planned that name for her daughters daughter! I laughed and said that as its the only name dp and I had agreed on.

sprogger · 28/07/2008 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornsilk · 28/07/2008 20:13

Ask her.

carrieon · 28/07/2008 20:14

We chose what we would name a boy long before even trying for a baby. Then in the year we were trying, dh's cousin got pregnant, had a boy, and used 'our' name. They had no idea it was our name (1st name, middle, and same surname) and that same week we had a miscarriage after nearly a year of trying. We were absolutely devastated that 'our' baby had gone to them, which I know is completely ridiculous and not true, but when you've wanted something for so long and someone else gets it, it really really hurts. When we got pg again, we told them we had picked out the same name a long time ago and would they mind if we used it too? We were asking out of politeness so never expected the answer we got of 'actually we'd rather you didn't'. Well of course they have no right not to tell us that we can't use a certain name, but knowing it would make them unhappy did make us think twice, but there was no other name we liked so we went into labour still having no idea what we'd do. Thankfully the situation was resolved when we had a girl!! (and had to hastily think of a name - we'd got so hung up on the boys name thing we'd never considered girls, doh!). Now we're pg again and we've discussed THE name...and its fallen out of favour with both of us over the last 2 years and we've happily settled on another.

So that doesn't really help except to say that I've been on the side of being the irrational hormonal really-want-to-have-a-baby end of name 'stealing' and it hurts. What CSWS said about 'she's not even pregnant and there's a chance she may never be' to me is a reason NOT to use it - she may never get 'her' Poppy and may always struggle with yours, however irrationally. I know that I still struggle with dh's cousin (who we see about twice a year) because of 'what they put us through' (in my mind) when actually of course in getting pregnant, having a boy and naming it, they've not actually done anything wrong.

Sorry, I'm waffling now!!

Original poster

DisenchantedPlusBump · 28/07/2008 20:15

I don't think I can.

She is very set on it, has a print of a field of 'Poppys' to hang up in the babies room when she finally gets her.

I think it has some family ties aswell.

Plus with her loosing a baby whilst I am pregnant.

i just can't.

Shame, I did like it.

OP posts:

2point4kids · 28/07/2008 20:23

Its a lovely name, but I think you have made the right decision.

carrieon · 28/07/2008 20:30

I think you are being gracious and loving to a friend in not using it. I just hope you find another name that you like. Its ok to not decide before hand and just have some ideas and try them out when the baby is born.

Original poster

DisenchantedPlusBump · 28/07/2008 20:43

Im sure we will find something.

OP posts:

Twinkie1 · 28/07/2008 20:44

No I wouldn't.

Califrau · 28/07/2008 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noonki · 28/07/2008 21:06

I used the same name as one of my oldest friend's little boy, I asked her she said she didn't mind, I would have used a different one if she minded.

In our group of friends someone used a name that another couple had chosen... they were very upset, and still are, they have never managed to conceieve and are very bitter to the other friend, though know it is irrational as feel they 'stole' their name and in a silly way their child (though she knows that this is unreasonable)

if your friend never has a girl, she will be upset and potentially more so if you use her name

MamaG · 28/07/2008 21:27

I've chosen my unborn DS2's names and my niece whined "thats the name I was going to have if i ever get pg and have a boy" when MIL opened her big fat rancid trap and told her

I just said to DH "tell her to fuck off"

But I think you're doing the right thing not having your mate's name!

chipmonkey · 28/07/2008 21:34

Disenchanted, I'm so glad you're not going to use it! SIL did this unintentionally to me this year, she had a dd shortly before I found out I was having my 4th ds and used "my" dd's name. I cried buckets!

VictorianSqualor · 28/07/2008 21:36

MiL has told me that when her dog dies she is going to get a new one and call ir Rufus. As half of MN can probably verify I have wanted rufus as a boys name for number 4 (if it's a boy) for months. I'm not pg yet, and ehr dog isn;t dead.
It's a race to the finish

(I even told her when she mentioned it the other day that it was a name we had chosen for our fourth, if it's a boy but she said again yesterday about how she wants a dog called Rufus...)

harpomarx · 28/07/2008 22:07

VictorianSqualor - pamper that dog! it must not die!

harpomarx · 28/07/2008 22:09

I have never told friends 'my' name for unborn (and unconceived) ds. It is too special to me and I would be gutted if someone else I knew had it first. And as someone said above, it would be just as bad (if not worse) if I never had ds (really want 2nd child but am single mum)

tortoiseSHELL · 28/07/2008 22:12

No I wouldn't - if she never had a girl, if you saw her and called 'Poppy' it would hurt her every time.

Also, if you think of another name then it will be entirely without any worry/stress and you can enjoy it more without fretting about your friend and whether you did the right thing.

tortoiseSHELL · 28/07/2008 22:13

We didn't tell anyone dd's potential name and were on tenter hooks in case anyone used it, but I only know about 3 people with that name, all of whom I knew afterwards (or knew of their dd afterwards iyswim).

snickersnack · 28/07/2008 22:21

I'd ask her what she'd think. My best friend and I were pg at the same time - she was due a month before me. One night she mentioned if she had a boy (she didn't know the sex) she'd call him Thomas. Which was the name dh and I had decided we would use. I couldn't decide whether to raise the issue with her, but in the end I did. She and I talked about it and agreed it would be a good thing if they were both called Thomas - as we hoped they'd spend time playing together we thought they might appreciate sharing a name.

In the event, she had a girl and we called ds something totally different as he just wasn't a Thomas when he turned up.

hester · 28/07/2008 22:28

Normally I think it's ridiculous when women fuss about others 'stealing' 'their' names.

But, if I understood you right, your friend has lost one baby and is now having IVF in the hope of conceiving a girl? I really think you need to tread carefully; she will be feeling very sensitive. If she doesn't conceive, it may feel to her like you've got the baby she was meant to have.

Do ask her, by all means, but personally I would be considering the middle name option.

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