Which parent’s last name to give baby?

[UnexpectedCurveBall]

My daughter told us last week she was pregnant. Unplanned and unexpected. She and her boyfriend are only 18. He works, she is coming to the end of her first year at uni (we’re helping her plan for how she can finish her degree with a hybrid of online before going back to in person). They want to keep the baby.

My question is, whose last name would you give the baby? Hers or his?

I was going to type a whole background and explanation to my thoughts, but it was getting to wordy and wasn’t all really relevant. I think hers but my husband was surprised and assumed it would be boyfriend’s last name. I’m curious to know if most think like me or if it’s still assumed babies get their dad’s last name.

Hers. For many reasons but hers definitely.

Hers. But also, up to her. It’s not a decision I’d weigh in on - if she decided to use his I wouldn’t tell her I thought she was wrong.

Definitely hers. My nieces and nephews have their mum's name as mum and dad were not married (and are no longer together in fact).

I told DH I didn't mind having children without being married but they would be having my name, I think that is one of the factors that drove him to propose!

Hers - I think there is a perceived pressure to automatically give a child the fathers surname but unless they are married then it can cause a whole heap of issues down the line if they split up. From passport control to having to obtain letters/permission and carry birth certificates for travelling abroad with them as a child.

If they get married in future then it's pretty easy to change their name by deed poll if both parents sign it.

These are all the reasons I was thinking of, and did say to her. I did say that the decision is hers but I strongly, strongly advise that the baby needs her last name at the moment. I hope they make it, he is a nice lad, but let’s be honest that statistics are not on their side. if they do end up married down the line, I’d happily pay the deed poll fees myself.

Hers - I was 16 when I got pregnant and DS took my last name. I’m married to his dad now and we’re all double barrelled.

Hers or both.

I had my eldest son whilst at uni. He is now 26. We stayed together for 20 years and had more children.

I was pressured to give them his surname by mil mainly. We did, but in the end we re registered the children after we got married.. archaic registry laws..then they both got both surnames.

They were always known as myname-hisname by everyone apart from his family. Some of the children have now chosen to drop hisname.

At least double barrel, don't just give his name as others have said its a pita in terms of travel etc.

Hers. For all of the practical reasons already mentioned.

If they later get married they can re register baby/child and get new birth certificates and change surname then. We did this. You legally have to re register baby if you get married after having them its archaic registry lawas but does make a difference especially if they go on to have more children after getting married.

Honestly its a weird law but we caught advice on it and when we were registering to get married the registrar made it clear that we were supposed to re register the children.

Either hers or double barrel. Not just his.

Definitely hers

I’ve known a lot of people in my life who have given their child the Dads surname - always at his insistence - then massively regretted it when they split

Not saying they will definitely split but as was said up thread, statistics are not on their side

Don't babies automatically take the mother's last name?

If the parents are married, AND the wife has taken her husband's surname, then of course baby's name will be the same as the father's too.

Hers. 100%.
She'll save herself a million and one headaches.

Thank you for all your replies. I’m glad I’m not ‘out there’ in my thought process.

@Madthings , thanks for that information. I didn’t know babies could be reregistered so I’ll let her know that information.

They can’t really double barrel as her name is already double barrelled (not by us, DH’s last name was already double barrelled when we got married).

Hers, of course. If they get married he can change his surname to hers and the child’s if the family all want the same name.

In my (admittedly limited) experience, it was typically the dad’s name if he was involved at the time of birth. My DH has a child from a previous relationship and they have his last name. DH said it wasn’t even really a discussion, just assumed by his ex as well as him. I have three cousins who all had their dad’s last name but my aunt didn’t marry their dad until the eldest was about 12.

My best friend’s stepdaughter has her mother’s last name and I remember being surprised as her DH is very involved and always has been according to them. My friend said it’s what the mum had wanted and her DH hadn’t minded and understood her reasons. They are the only ones I know who used the mother’s last name (and I think they were together at the time if the birth).

I agree re the name, however the needing permission for travel etc still applies regardless of the name.

That’s based on him having PR (and they are more stringent now - I’ve been stopped more with my younger kids who I share I name with than my older kids who I don’t)

No, there’s nothing automatic.

You can actually give your baby any surname you want.

Hers, for all your reasons OP.

I used to work with a Nursery teacher who always said that if children automatically took the mother's surname it would save a lot of trouble for children and teachers a few years down the line.

Hers for many reasons:
-it’s easier to travel with the baby if she is travelling alone with the baby.

-it’s easier dealing with —-officialdom
-my son has my dads surname, not what I wanted but I was pressured. Big regret. We never married thank goodness. I’m married now but I didn’t change my name. I like my name, why change it - no need to
-it’s a patriarchal system in the uk
_ ultimately it’s up to her and her alone as she’s 18 but I’d point out that she can change the baby’s surname later if they decide to get married.
_ probably no point in telling her the stats for young single mothers and she has your support so she’s lucky but if he does bugger off she’ll regret her kid having his surname.

_ and again it’s so patriarchal !

Don't babies automatically take the mother's last name?

There's no law in this in the UK. A baby can be registered with any surname, even a completely random one!

Certainly it was traditional (until maybe 20 or so years ago) for the child to have the mother's surname. Unmarried - maiden surname. Married - married surname. I can recall several classmates in the 80s coming back after the summer hols with a new surname because mum had remarried. I always thought that was a bit odd, like the actual dad being written out, but the point of the tradition was about the child's name following that of the mother rather than the father.

It's only more recently that it is more common for the child to be given the father's name or double barrelled.

I think mother's name makes much more sense for all the good reasons posters have given. I was adamant that my children were having the same name as me. Their dad felt the same and they are double barrelled which was the compromise. (We are married but I never changed my surname.)

Hers. Of COURSE hers.

They can still double barrel as I was in this situation (already double barrelled) and gave my DC one of the double barrelled bits plus dad’s name. (So if I was Williams-Smith and he was Davies, DC is Davies-Smith)

I’d go for hers or both but definitely not his alone

Yes, this
a lot of my family are Swiss and they do this

Well, it's your daughter's decision, but I very much hope she gives the child one or both of her surnames. As a PP pointed out, since she has a double-barrelled surname she could give the baby one of her surnames plus the boyfriend's, if they sound ok together.