Still ruminating over baby name

[amy480]

I have an almost 5 month DD and posted on here a few months ago re. Possible name regret (name choice was not top of list, a compromise name, given when she was a week old). As time has gone on the regret has dwindled a bit but not completely gone away in the way I hoped it would. In moments when I’m alone / bored / sleep deprived I find myself still looking at names online and having a feeling that I could have given my daughter a better / less common name (her name is Ava). It’s a horrible feeling and not something that I knew I would ever feel (first child was named very easily, a name I’ve always loved, no regrets whatsoever). I don’t think I truly want to change her name, I just want this feeling of comparison and obsessing over other names to go away. I think it’s exacerbated by the fact that it is highly likely I won’t be having any more children. Has anyone else experienced this and have any advice for moving forward?

How is your bond with the baby generally? Is everything going ok? It’s a perfectly normal name, so I’m surprised you don’t just see her as Ava now. My nephew has a stupid name, and when my sister was pregnant the name just sounded daft to me (obviously didn’t share this with her), but he’s 1 now and he’s just him, with his name, it’s part of his identity.

I adore her and have had no issues with bonding (I’ve seen that baby name regret can be a symptom of post natal depression but I really don’t think I have that - no other symptoms at all).

Ava is a lovely name.

I think it'll just be a matter of time. Your baby is only 5 months right now, but she'll soon start turning into a little person. She'll walk and talk and respond to her name and you'll say it a billion times a day and it'll just be a part of her.

I wasn't keen on DS2's name at first (a very common name also), I didn't mind the four syllable long version too much but that's quite clunky for a baby, and I really didn't like the common and obvious shortening (or the other usual shortening). I called him all sorts to get around it (yes OK its Alexander, I called him Baby Alexander, Alexander Beetle, Little Lex, Lexington, Lexicon...). As he got older I got more used to it and now I absolutely love the long version, and the short version which we use every day is fine also, it is him. He loves his name and says it is the best name there is and well done to us for giving it to him!

I think you spend so long thinking about it some regret at the names you haven't used is normal. Mine was a compromise name with my husband as we have different styles, so I felt a bit of regret about it at first. But at age 2 she majorly suits her name, and wouldn't have suited my choice and I love it. Ava is a beautiful name.

What are the other names you are thinking of?
What is DD1's name? (give a similar name if you don't want to give the actual name)

Is Ava just a bit too ordinary/popular compared to DD1's name?

Ava is a perfectly nice name.

Whatever you had called her was never going to be as 'perfect' as the name you gave your eldest as it was a name you'd always loved.

I think you just need to have a serious think about whether you want to change it or not & make a FINAL decision about that, then whenever you find yourself thinking about it, deliberately think of something else.

it's a matter of training your brain to stop ruminating in it.. Decision has been made, STFU brain.

Ava is a perfectly nice name. - I don't like it. What were the two names you originally had in mind?
You suggested Polly - I really like it.

Page 3 | Baby name regret? | Mumsnet

Quite rude to come and post that you don't like someone's baby's name.

@Mmmchocolatebuttons , I was responding to a pp. OP has her doubts and if she has a name she loves she can change the baby's name.

It is probably more helpful than saying 'It's a lovely name.'

It's not helpful at all. She even says in her original post that she doesn't think she truly wants to change the name. Her baby is already called Ava and there's a good chance it won't be changed so it is rude to say you don't like it.

And my advice was not just "it's a lovely name".

I had this for about a year, looking back I think it was tied in with undiagnosed PND (not saying that you have it) it did eventually just fade away and I love DD's name now.

@Mmmchocolatebuttons , And my advice was not just "it's a lovely name".
And my post wasn't just "I don't like it."

That doesn't make it not rude.

What sort of name are you thinking of OP?

I love the name Ava, I have only ever taught one in 30 years of education and she was a lovely little girl.
If you are seriously thinking of changing her name, she will get used to the new name and so will everyone else.
Due to complicated family reasons, I was named one name. Then when I was 2, that name was changed to a different one. I have no memory of that at all, and relatives never called me by the wrong name. However, when I found out as an older teenager, I wasn’t very happy about it. As an adult, I changed my first name by deed poll, to a totally new name. I have been the new name for almost 40 years now.
Although Ava is a beautiful name, it’s not too late to change it if you want to. However, if you want to baby Ava to stay as baby Ava, just keep thinking of all the names that aren’t nice and be glad she has such a lovely one! (I know that’s not as easy as I make it sound)

That's what I was wondering, that and whether DD1 had a popular name that couldn't be shortened too.

I’ve a son and his name is popular (the shortened version) he has a longer name on his BC which is well known but less popular.

Its highly unlikely I will change the name but other names I like / was considering:
Alice (not able to use)
Elodie (not able to use)
Imogen
Esme - actually gone off of this one
Polly
Iris

i don’t think there’s a single name that doesn’t have pros and cons and certainly not one that everyone likes!

Thanks. FWIW
Polly - like a lot
Imogen - like but will get shortened
Iris - like

Does she look like one of the names?

Esme - not keen. Liked it until i realised it wasn't 'Esmy'
Alice (not able to use) - love
Elodie - It looks nice but I don't really like the sound (this is my thoughts on Ava too)

I'm guessing that the brother is something like Kit, Xander, Max or Theo.

Thank you. This is a nice way of looking at it.

My niece is about the same age and I really don't like the name.
BUT the baby seems to recognise her name. Her parents talk to her a lot and she babbles back.

I've not said anything.

(Ava is nicer than the baby's name, but the baby's name is very popular)

I really like Ava, it's on my baby name list for if we ever have a second child. I also love Alice from your alternative list :)

She'll totally grow into it i bet. Use all the unused baby names for other things. On my sons 1st birthday we went to build a bear and named it Milo, a name my husband liked but we didnt use! Or save them up for a pet in the future?

In my grandfathers words it’s time to shit or get off the pot.

Go change her name this week. Or accept it as her name. Pick one, if the first seems silly to you then you know you’re never going to go and change her name!

When I was expecting DS, I had the girls choices, and DH had the boys choices. This was before being told the sex of the baby was common practise, especially with first-borns.

DH hated all of my “trendy” boys names of 1985/86 and I vetoed all his girl choices as “ I knew a xxxxx at school she was a bitch”

Baby comes along and is a boy…

So DH chose the longer version of his own name and I really struggled with it. It took up until DS was chattering and answering to his name that I really got on board with it.

He really suits it and as he’s got older, he’s using his Ddads shortened version of the name. He is also horrified when I tell him what he would have been called if I had got to name him😁

Hang in there, OP… as previous poster says, when you’re using their name all day long, and they’re answering to it (sometimes😬) you won’t think anymore of it!

I think it’s a beautiful name. You could still change it I guess, although even at this young age she’ll be learning to respond to her name and it could potentially be confusing to change it now. But not as bad as if you left it another six months or more. This is really the latest I consider doing it. Could you add a really pretty middle name that you really like? Or are there any similar sounding names you like that wouldnt be ‘too’ much of a change? I’m thinking maybe Evie, Eva, Ada? But I actually prefer Ava to all of those! I expect as you become more familiar with it and she grows into her little nature and personality more, it will just become a part of her and you’ll warm to it to the point where you won’t be able to think of her being called anything else.