Still ruminating over baby name

[amy480]

I have an almost 5 month DD and posted on here a few months ago re. Possible name regret (name choice was not top of list, a compromise name, given when she was a week old). As time has gone on the regret has dwindled a bit but not completely gone away in the way I hoped it would. In moments when I’m alone / bored / sleep deprived I find myself still looking at names online and having a feeling that I could have given my daughter a better / less common name (her name is Ava). It’s a horrible feeling and not something that I knew I would ever feel (first child was named very easily, a name I’ve always loved, no regrets whatsoever). I don’t think I truly want to change her name, I just want this feeling of comparison and obsessing over other names to go away. I think it’s exacerbated by the fact that it is highly likely I won’t be having any more children. Has anyone else experienced this and have any advice for moving forward?

theres nothing wrong with the name Ava! It’s actually a nice name. My friends daughter is Eva

Ava is a pretty name and not so popular now, so don’t worry about that. As said by a PP, she’s still very young and once she gets older, she’ll become her name more. It’s hard to ‘see’ a young baby as their name sometimes, if you get what I mean.

My youngest DC is in Junior school now. I sometimes muse on names and think ‘what if I had called DC this?’. I put those thoughts down to youngest DCbeing my last child so I know i have lots of names unused 😁 I think that’s probably contributing to your thoughts too. But, when I look at youngest DC,I see them as a person not a vehicle for a name and I can’t conceive them having any other name than the one they have.

Ava is ... not so popular now It's in the top 10 and has been since 2011.

I had this with my second. I LOVED my first son's name and we really struggled the second time around. We picked a name that is fine but a bit mainstream.

On the plus side @amy480 Ava is a very pretty name and is much nicer than the other options you have put as options .

I had this, baby was my third. I have two boys already thought she was another boy so we didn’t really discuss baby names. Then she was a girl with massive feet 😂.
Was pressured to name her, also to work with a family middle name which is okay but wouldn’t have been my choice.
4 months in, regretted it. Spoke to my husband he thought I was crazy. Left it another 2 months spoke again and he agreed. She just didn’t suit her name, I couldn’t imagine saying it in the park. So I changed it at 7 months.
I was so anxious telling people, did a fb post about it. So many lovely comment. But the minute I did it I felt so much better. She is now 3 and couldn’t imagine her being Clementine now. Now I just laugh about it. And I still haven’t changed the family decor sign someone bought us.

Have you ever had any OCD symptoms, or ever been assessed for OCD?

Ava is lovely and a stylish, grown up name that I'm sure she will grow into beautifully. The Ava I know is in her 20s and is a wonderful kind, intelligent and loving young woman so the name reminds me of her
If you really can't use it you still have time to change but it doesn't seem that you have another name burning away at you

Its a lovely name. I think it just takes time getting to know them and as they grow it does just suit them more I think.

change it,

Change it!I waited a year, hated people using his name in my presence. I considered pnd but it was more than that, I just didn’t like it at all for him! Changed it and I’m so much happier.

Might sound stupid, but you need to make a conscious effort not to keep looking at names if you aren’t going to change it. I did the same whilst pregnant, it becomes almost obsessive. I’ve now unfollowed all name pages on social media, deleted any notes I had on phone etc as just kept going back to it!

Ava is a beautiful name

I think this is relatively common- I felt exactly the same and still do sometimes for similar reasons and often doubt myself.

we had our first daughters name picked out for years. We then struggled to conceive and had IVf, and so her name had just become so important to me. It is also a popular name but nothing would have stopped me used it- that was what I was going to call a daughter if I was lucky enough to be blessed with one.
we then were very lucky to conceive very quickly and relatively unplanned with our second. Still very wanted but completely blindsided me after our journey to get to number one. I had never thought of another girls name. Pregnancy was hard, I carried a lot of guilt about small age gap etc.

we thought a lot about it, for months and months we went round and round about names. The name we both loved was Olivia but we were put off as so popular. One day I decided that it was silly to not name her the name was liked because of popularity so it was decided.
when she was born I really struggled to bond, I think in hindsight I had postnatal depression. I felt desperate to just pick a name and stick with it because I wondered if the reason I didn’t love her as much as my first was because she didn’t have a name. She’s almost 2 now and she is completely perfect for her name- I do still have a wobble every now and again and wish I’d called her one of the other names on my list…. Key word being my list as husband was completely against all other names I liked and I forget that when I ruminate over it. Olivia was literally the only one we both liked.

basically - you are not alone! I think its more common that you think with second children. I think often depression, sleep deprivation and overwhelm play a factor. Ava is a beautiful name, truly lovely. Don’t let anyone on here make you doubt urself more and definitely don’t change her name- it will just cause different doubt and anxiety.

I agree with this, time to decide. I have regret over my DDs name, but she's a teen now, and really likes her name. I can live with a little regret; we all do. And as my DD likes her name, it's not really regret, just a flight of fancy "oh, she could've been Katie". (My choice). I'm slightly sad I didn't get to use Katie, but I have 3 children so I'm very lucky. Btw, I really like the name Ava. It's not too common. I work in a preschool and we don't have one in our class.

I could have wrote this post word for word! I really sympathise with you because I know how much it can eat you up and feel borderline catastrophic and consume your thoughts!
We also compromised on a name and it was a relatively uncommon name. For ten months I over thought her name and eventually broke down to my husband and sister. I honestly felt so so much better airing it. My husband gave me the option to change the name, but e

I assume you are probably slightly depressed even if it’s not pnd. Worrying about the baby name is part of that. You have picked a stunning name for your beautiful little girl, it’s her name and she will be recognising it when you say it to her. If you are still not sure come up with a nickname and call her that.

My father has always disliked my name. It was supposed to be something else but got changed before I was registered. I think he’s held it against me ever since, and named all of my siblings and half siblings, I’m the eldest. I love my name, it’s the one decent thing about my childhood.

Also not really relevant but the book the names that came out last year springs to mind.

I know a little girl called Ava and she is adorable. Not a name I'd thought of prior to knowing her but because shes so lovely I now love the name. Hopefully your feelings will change as she grows in to it and owns her name and one day you'll feel thankful for choosing it and sticking with it x

This actually made me laugh - thank you for bringing some light to the situation!!

This is lovely to know, thank you x

Did you change the name? I think your post was cut short but would love to know.

no this is very sensible advice. I think social media and tbh some baby name threads on here, really don’t help.

Ava is a nice name. You could maybe go for a longer name with Ava as the nickname if you wanted a different name but also were nervous to change it? Aveline, Avery, Avril, Avelina, Avana. Avelyn, Savannah, Maeva, Valerie etc

apologies yes it was cut off! No we didn’t change the name. Ultimately after airing my concerns I began feeling so much more at peace with my choice. I am an over thinker by nature and for me any name I chose would have caused over thinking in some way (as you said, all names have pros and cons)

i also recently stopped BF and I do think my hormones have settled since then which could have contributed to my anxiety about the name.

ps Ava is a beautiful name and I don’t think it’s too popular (we are in the UK) x

Thank you for your advice. Both my children are IVF babies and I think having a second child albeit very much planned was something I couldn’t have even dreamed of and I think the name thing ties into that, almost like the name needs to match how amazing I think my miracle baby is.
love Olivia and truly curious where all the little Olivia’s are as I don’t know any!