How to respond to name criticism? Older child

[changename87]

Hi,
Posting here as name related and I'm not sure how I should have responded.
Firstly my child is 12 .
She has what is perhaps to some considered slightly more upper class name. But honestly it's just a traditional name.
Think along the lines of Tabitha , Penelope , Harriet , Lucinda in style. ( I'm not putting the name for privacy)

So I work in a very middle class area public facing and we deal with families.
I have a colleague who today was making jokes about some of the posher parents who contact us and used my child's name as a typical posh name.
I did point out quickly that it was DD name.
But still she wouldn't let up on it. She was basically really rude to point others in office quickly jumped in saying how they had always liked said name.
I basically left it, just said it was a name I had always loved. and ignored her.

My DD has always loved her name. gets a lot of complements on it and although of course nobody likes all names nobody has ever been rude to my face.
I am now quite upset and no idea how to approach this. I will no doubt do or say anything at all. But quietly dislike this person going forward.
I also don't like colleagues daughters name myself ( think it's rather low class actually) but I would never in a million years comment.
This is a professional setting btw.
Anyone else had this? I'm not a hormonal new mum and I'm still upset!

She probably said it without thinking and didn't know how to backtrack. Obviously should have apologised but some people just double down. It's not nice but I think you need to let it go. I know plenty of people don't like my child's name but I really don't care because I do.

All of those names you’ve put up are perfectly normal names, my eldest has one of them! I think you should ignore this ignorant person, even if your child had a far out there bar it’s none of her business and she’s being an idiot. What is her child’s name?

Yes I agree. I am surprised I am so upset to be honest ( hormonal probably) but she really was not getting the hint.
I do love my child's name and more importantly my child loves it.

Other people’s opinions don’t matter but I can understand why you were upset. At the time, I would have pointed out that she was being rude about my child’s name and to please stop.

My children have names that I love. I have no doubt that others won’t like them for whatever reason. That’s fine because they’re my children and DH and I love their names.

Whilst I know you’ve said you’d never say it to her, it’s quite rude for you to say her child has a “low class” name.

I am genuinely scared to post names as this could be identifying quickly.
Her DD has a unisex last name type name similar to something like Devon /Riley / Mason .

So those names aren’t to your taste. That’s fine. It’s still rude to call them “low class”.

Is there anything else going on with you right now? I’m wondering if this is a deflection because whilst mildly annoying, it’s not the sort of thing that would occupy most people’s minds for more than five minutes.

Take care. 💐

Well yes it is rude what I think in my head LOL obviously I will instantly criticise her child as she did mine. ( in my head only)
But I would never say this and probably wouldn't have bothered to think it until she put the spotlight on me!
She was the one being very classist in a professional setting btw!

Is your last name Bucket, by any chance?

Exactly. Just leave it.

Why are you in such a tizz about it?? It’s one random persons opinion and you two obviously have different tastes!

Some people don’t know how to get their foot gracefully out of their mouth. I wouldn’t give it another thought.

She sounds a bit rude and slightly odd to be so opinionated on a name.

Forget it and maybe give her a bit of a wide berth when exchanging opinions!

It’s quite telling that you immediately jumped to insulting her child’s name as “low class”. Did you name your child hoping people would think her “high class”? It’s fine if you did.

And no, it’s not the obvious to straight away insult her child’s name because she insulted your name choice. Be the bigger person.

Have you otherwise gotten along okay with them previously to this? I know others on here will say ignore her and that you are overthinking but I’d be pissed off as well and it would change my opinion of that person

Whatever a child’s name, it’s rude to persist in using it as an example of awfulness when a colleague has said it’s their child’s name. A normal person would say something conciliatory (oh, it really suits your child or whatever) move on swiftly, and not mention the name again.

I do think you shouldn't care about her opinion as it seems as if you have very different taste in names.

But the doubling down is rude. It is one thing to say something rude about a colleague's child's name but refusing to backtrack is actually completely out of order. At the very least she should have stopped talking.

My daughter is names after my grandmother. So no I did not have any aspirations and most people wouldn't with the name .It's very traditional!
I just thought " well I wouldn't have picked your DD name either" ( bad me)
Colleague was basically making fun of a parent who she had just spoken to them used a few other fairly common names for our area including my child's name as examples of the type of parents we deal with!
Thinking back I think she may have also thrown in someone else sons name although she wasn't present.
So yep I am over reacting but I am currently not feeling any warmth towards her.

She was definitely rude! She should have immediately apologised but she doesn’t seem like the sort to do that.

OP, is there possibility she think your child's name belongs to Traveller/is chavvy?

I know it's not nice to say that, but to me it sounds like you are social worker? Was she trash-talking poorer people?

You're overthinking this.
You are comfortable with your choice gor your daughter's name.
Your colleague doesnt like that type of name and wanged on about it. She made herself look a bit silly and made her judgement public while yours is private.

But so what?

I think a lighthearted, kind (even faux!) "Now, now colleague, I know you wouldn't want to cause offence, and your straying into that territory now" would be the way to go, but only at the time.

How embarrassing for your colleague. I would imagine that she felt quite silly so continued to be fool.

Do you respect your colleague? If not, don’t worry about her opinion.

Here's me thinking how nice it is that there has been a democratisation of names. I know of a Toby, not a posh kid from a private school but a snot nosed PITA.

Enjoy the names most of them are nice.

It doesn't sound like you have a high opinion of your colleague so why would you care what she thinks about a name? Just file it under stupid things stupid colleague says.
It sounds like she's made herself look bad in front of others if they were jumping in so the consequences are all for her.