Help me, I have baby name regret

[Lostandanxious]

Can you help me please?
I have baby name regret. I have named my baby ruby and the other name i had in mind was kate which I now think I should have gone with. We gave her the middle name kate in case she would like to use it down the line, but sure why did we even have that thinking which makes me think we made the wrong choice? We have registered her name and I am certain it can't be changed in ireland once registered as its the first name. She is 7 weeks and we have received gifts with her name on, and basically everyone knows her name now and would come across so weird and unusal of me to cha ge it. My partner is happy with the name. Should I just change it and deal with the weirdness now or just try get over my anxiety about this???

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth-family-relationships/after-your-baby-is-born/registering-birth-your-baby/#39e620

You can amend the name if you wish OP.
I’m Irish and my name was changed a month or so after I was first registered.

Contact your local Civil Registration Office for more information if you decide you do want to change it.
www2.hse.ie/services/births-deaths-and-marriages/find-a-civil-registration-service/

I had the same dilemma: two names we liked, I'd opted for one, dh for the other. Ds1 also preferred one name, so we went with that, but I really struggled, and hated the name we had used for a while. It just didn't seem to suit him.

The struggles went on for a few weeks and then honestly, I forgot about it all. He grew into his name. (It helped too realizing why I had gone off the chosen name. DS1 was blond. When ds2 was born, to our surprise, he was (very) dark haired and the name I went off was definitely linked in my mind to blonder people. Once I realized that part of problem was that names invariably carry with them expectations, probably based on people we've met or seen over the years with that name, it helped. The name wasn't awful. And Ruby is a lovely name. But it seemed to be describing someone else!) His name now suits him fine.

I'd call her Ruby Kate for a while, which sounds great. Let it all settle for a while and enjoy your new bundle of fun.

By the way, I hate my own first name and changed it as soon as I could. At least you won't be too disappointed if she does that!!

Just a heads up, as I wish someone had told me at the time... Name regret is one of the lesser known symptoms of post-partum depression. I'm obviously not saying that you have PPD, but please think about whether this is a stand-alone issue or if there are other symptoms you're experiencing, and seek help if you need to.

You could just refer to her to everyone as Ruby Kate, rather than just Ruby? Both names are lovely

You or family can use the middle name, and she can use either name when she's older. I think both are lovely.
Is it just Kate as the full name or short for Katherine, Katerina etc? Either way Ruby and Kate are both lovely.

THIS

@Lostandanxious
Please talk to your HCP/ health visitor about how you're feeling.

You don't have to suffer xx

FWIW Ruby Kate is lovely & I think nicer than Kate Ruby!

I honestly think Ruby & Kate are both gorgeous, classy, stylish names!
I can completely understand how you’re feeling though - we swapped our daughters first & second names around when she was 3months. After all couple of weeks of her being born I just felt like her original middle name suited her better & kept her original 1st name as a middle name. I was worried what people would think but it wasn’t a very big deal at all … you’ve just got to be sure it feels right as you can’t really swap it back again!
Id recommend trying out both names for a few weeks, see what feels right and hopefully your husband will be on board too!

Both lovely names so you can’t really go wrong! Goodluck x

@MonaChopsis I am indeed suffering with anxiety and now it seems ppd, but I think in part due to the name. Im trying to get help.

@Lostandanxious I'm so glad to hear you're getting help. Be kind to yourself, it is a lovely thing to have a baby but a massive massive adjustment, and I think being anxious to be the best Mum you can be tips quite easily into just being over-anxious.

If it helps, I had massive name regret at the time (and very probably undiagnosed PPD) but years can't imagine DD being anything else. Ruby is a lovely name and I'm sure as your anxiety eases you will come to love it again.

Ruby is a nice name. Kate is OK too but Ruby is better.

Both my in-laws go by their middle names - you don’t need to change it officially to use the middle name?

Kate feels like more of a nickname to me whereas ruby is more of a complete name. I much prefer ruby

I didn’t like my DS2 name for ages, it’s was more my DH choice. I don’t think I called him by his name for months and months. Then as his personality started to come out I realised he really suited it. Now he’s 3 and I can’t imagine him being called anything else!

Change it quickly before you have to go through a deed poll process to change it. If you change it before one year it is a straight forward process of just calling the office that you got the certificate at and changing it. Forget other peoples opinions, it’s your baby and only you know what’s best. All the best.

Came to post this.

both names are beautiful.

also - are your feelings being respected and listened to by your partner and family otherwise? Or is this a tangible example of a wider problem of feeling pushed around?

take care of yourself.

My son’s girlfriend ie called ruby

she is wonderful so I love the name

I much prefer Ruby to Kate.

I have a niece Ruby, she’s a right little firecracker. It’s a lovely name, you’ve made a good choice. Soon she will have little nicknames, and as another poster said you can informally hyphenate with Ruby Kate.

I’m biased as I have a Ruby who is also 7 weeks! And she already goes by lots of nicknames.
With my older DC I often use their middle name when I talk to them. And they also answer to several different nicknames.
So if you want to call her Kate yourself it wouldn’t be weird and she’d probably end up answering to both.
Be kind to yourself, it’s a huge adjustment having children and I know the anxious feeling of second guessing everything. Sending hugs.

I disagree. OP needs to be happy with the name too. There is something wrong if the most important thing is to keep DH happy. A caring DH would listen to your concerns and seek a win-win solution for you both. Your views are equally important. Particularly as you carried baby for 9 months and gave birth to her. Could any anxiety/depression be due to having your feelings regularly disregarded?
It is definitely not too late to change the name and if doing so is the worst ‘upset’ and ‘trauma’ DH and family and friends experience they will be very lucky. What a frankly ridiculous thing to say. Likewise the advice to ‘definitely get over the anxiety’. Yeah, that always works - not.
Go you OP, stick up for yourself!

Very much agree.

Thank you. And everyone who commented. I gave myself time for treatment, but the name is still bothering me. We tried using Kate for a few days, but it didn't resonate/suit.
I have been trying to research names and a couple have come up that really suit her.

Hi Op just to let you know you can change your little girls first name in Ireland as long as you can show proof you have been using her new name ie: if you choose to have her baptised use the new name on her Baptismal Cert.also register with a GP. You have to get a form signed also from a Commissioner of Oates declaring the name change. Our local Birth Registration Office gave me all info needed and sent me the form I presume it is the same process throughout Ireland.