What do you do when you can't find any names?

[Camia]

I don't know if this quite belongs here so apologies if not. I'm not sure of a better place for it. I don't know what to do going forward. My partner and I are expecting our third baby and third boy soon and picking a name has been an absolute nightmare. Girl names we can agree on (so of course we have all boys lol), but neither of us have an easy time settling on boy names and really loving them and we have total opposite naming styles, and it's gotten worse with each baby. Our first was a little difficult but we got there by about 25 weeks. Our second involved a miserable amount of back and forth and frustration and finally got a first name at 39 weeks, and we picked his middle name while I was in labor. Now on #3 I feel like there's no way this poor child will ever get a name.

We literally can't even remotely agree on ANYTHING. Every single name one of us even sort of likes the other completely hates. I'm out of ideas. I've spent at least an hour or 2 every day, sometimes longer, searching for names just trying to find new name ideas we haven't seen before and ruled out, and I'm not exaggerating when I say it's been months since I've found anything new. I'm to the point of actively seeking out the rarest, wildest names I can possibly find just to find something new and they're still all ones we've already seen and said no to. I've tried finding a compromise between our naming styles and looking for names that fall somewhere in between, I've tried tweaking names one of us likes to make them more appealing to the other, I've tried catering to my partner's style and looking for names I can stand, I've lowered my own standards and gone from looking for names I love to just any name I think I could live with. He's tried to do the same with my naming style. We've tried just flat out making up a name. It's gotten us nowhere. We both agree that it's not fair to give just one of us more control over the first name, we both know we'd both end up unhappy over it knowing one of us never wanted that name. I'm beyond stressed and frustrated and the pregnancy hormones are not helping. I adore my older 2 boys' names even though they were hard to settle on, they're perfect for both of them, and I feel like the only option at this point is to give up and just pick any random name no matter how I feel about it and it breaks my heart to think of sticking my baby with a decision like that.

I might be being ridiculous from hormones and stress and sleep deprivation (the pregnancy insomnia has been terrible this time around) but I just don't know what to do. Do I just go with something my partner likes and hope it grows on me over the years? Do I try to convince him to do that and then live the rest of my life feeling horribly guilty about it? Do we just pick a name out of a hat and deal with whatever it ends up being?

Do you have a preference for number of syllables?

Letters that need to be avoided? (Surname- anchor, so a first name beginning with W is out, for example)

Have you gone for traditional names for your first 2 and do you want to stick with that theme? Or topp 100 names? Or nature names etc. Etc.

For random inspiration...

Otto
Leif
Orson
Jesse
Tate
Nathaniel
Edmund
William
John
Rowan
Asa

Tell us what you think of these or give us some examples of what you like/hate and ditto your dh.

I reckon we can help!

Print off the top 500 boys names. Take it in turns to cross off 50 each until you are down to 100. Then retype them out discussing as you do. Take it in turns to cross off 20 each until down to 20.

You now have 20 names that you both at least vaguely like. (Or don’t hate!)

Each put them in order and assign them the number 1,2,3 etc. Add up your numbers so you have a joint order. (So Percival - your number 4 and his no 6 gets 10 points and so is ahead of Hector - your no 2 and his no 9.)

Go through the ordered list trying out the name each day and see how you find it.

The worst one I know for differing names is one couple where she wanted to call the baby Storm and he wanted to call the baby Martha! They found a compromise.

This is excellent advice.

Balonz!!
no seriously, the advice above is good and you’ve already got 2 kids so must have a “vibe” or style of name?

We didn't decide the name definitely until ours were born.

Can you explain a bit what the two different styles are?
I feel sad for you that this is causing you so much stress when you're pregnant.
I have to say it seems a bit mean of your partner to not consider yielding to one of your choices. But I can also see how the being fair to both of you is viewed. Thing is, having children is inherently unfair, because you do the work of gestation and birth.
Anyway maybe with some understanding of the styles we can help.

Take the pressure off and call the unborn baby a something like Bump for a few weeks.
If you like certain girls' names, could you look for similar boys' names (Olivia/Oliver etc).
He might be a girl anyway, and even if you picked boy's names now, he might not look likeany of the names when he turns up.

I’d calm it all down and not think about it for a few weeks. We didn’t finally decide on a name till we were actually on our way to register DS.

We were in a similar situation with the baby I'm currently expecting and we actually went back over old names that had been suggested and took time to consider them this time instead of giving our instant reaction and my husband actually ended up changing his mind on a couple that i had suggested previously. He said they grew on him. We now have a shortlist of 2 names with one being a heavy favourite

John
Thomas
Peter
James.

It's a name, not a solution to world hunger. Whatever you call him, that'll be his obvious name in 24 hours.

Do I just go with something my partner likes and hope it grows on me over the years? Do I try to convince him to do that and then live the rest of my life feeling horribly guilty about it?
Definitely not.

Are you only looking at names that are currently popular (Theo, Milo, Arlo, Luca etc)? What about names that are more unusual just not currently trendy?
My sibling used a name from my grandparents generation and it's now very popular, but DN was one of the first of what is now a very common name.

Who had the final say for the oldest two? Can you list some examples of names you like and names your husband likes? We might be able to suggest something that could be a good fit?

A friend asked the older two siblings to name their baby sister. She was named Amanda.
You could do the same.

We agonised for MONTHS with our first and then when baby was born we ended up choosing a totally different name that hadn't appeared on any of our shortlists.

Maybe the right name is waiting until baby is here?

Nobody wants a kid called Bluey though do they 🤔

What are your 2 boys called? If you can give some idea then we would know what kind of vibe you and your husband like.

If our new baby is a boy this is our current list in case it helps:

Lorcan
Otto
Jasper
Rowan
Silas
Ash
Nicholas/Nico
Zephyr
Felix
Lucian
River
Griffin

It ready does depend on the age of the older siblings!

If they're still only toddlers/little kids themselves, if you promise to abide by their decision, new baby Poo-Poo-Bum-Willy is not going to have the easiest life

I'm probably showing my age, but I can't see Lorcan without mentally separating it out to Lord Lucan!

Even older ones are likely to have very different tastes to their parents! No one I know actually followed through this this, but some friends did ask their 12 and 10 year olds quite seriously to suggest names, and from what I can remember, among the names were Wish and Percy.

We had similar with our first. Loads of girl names but couldn't agree on a boy name. I had quite a few shortlisted but DH vetoed them all for one reason or another, openly admitting he didn't like any boy names. I went through top 100 names for just about every year back to the 70s and it was a quick fire yes, no, maybe which got us down to about two names that I liked and he didn't say no to and they were just maybes for him. I eventually stopped suggesting names for a while to see what he'd come up with on his own and if I'd like them. Turns out he spent the time mulling over the two possibilities and a few others before finally settling on one of his maybes, which he now loves and is perfect for our son. Our scenario is a little different because I could have picked a name if I was the only one deciding but it was so difficult to find something we both liked which was important to us.

Currently pregnant with number 2 and we've not even discussed names until we find out if it's a boy or girl because I really can't face it again. With only one acceptable name to him last time round, I'm worried we'll be calling the new baby FirstBabyName 2!

For reference my first son's name has hovered somewhere around the 700s in popularity ranking whenever I've looked, and my second son's name isn't in the top 1000 at all, but a different spelling of it is somewhere around the 500s if I remember correctly. So neither is a common name by any means but no one we've met has ever been surprised to hear either of them at all. I'd like to go for something similar for this baby, but my partner is wanting to lean a lot farther into unique names so that's one of the big things that's been hard to balance. I also tend to be drawn towards a little bit softer names and he likes stronger/harsher (not really the word I want to use but the closest I can think of right now) sounds.

My partner was the one to initially suggest my first's name and I suggested my second's, but neither of us really had a "final say", we were in full agreement that we both felt they were the right names.

Some of my suggestions for this baby have been Quinn, Soren, Evander, Tristan, and Roman. His have been (I might be ruining the spelling here but to the best of my memory) Killua, Ryzen, and Zyren.

Oh Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with your husband? Your child is a human being, not an alien race in a sci-fi novel.

I'd take a kid called Bluey over a kid called Killua, Ryzen or Zyren.

Where on earth is your husband getting those names from? Your choices are so much better

His have been (I might be ruining the spelling here but to the best of my memory) Killua, Ryzen, and Zyren.

These sound like genericised medication you could buy from a dodgy online pharmacy. I would take out a court order to prevent my husband naming my child any of those “names”.