Friend and I want to use the same name

[GoldenNuggets08]

So my friend and I are due the same time. She will more than likely give birth first, elective section so will be brought in before 39 weeks.

Here's the thing. Myself and OH have agreed on a name for our baby. It is a family name in memory of someone close to us and has been used for a few generations.

This is a name I know is on my friends shortlist, although she hasn't fully decided what she'll call her baby until it's born. How do I deal with this situation?

I know nobody owns a name but I also think this is a situation where we both can't use the same name as they will be so close in age.

Does it matter if it is the same name?

I've known cousins with the same name and I have come across a blended family that ended up calling the children, 'Mark 1' and 'Mark 2'.

Once a name has been used by your inner circle, it would be very strange to use it again for the same generation. It would be even more odd to use it for a child almost the same exact age.

Really? At one point it felt like every one of my friends had a baby Alex.

Pleased you had the talk with your friend and all is OK, OP. Definitely think that was the best course of action..... you already said it wouldn't bother you and now she can make a decision based on whether it bothers her - that bit is out of your hands.

When i had my first born in 2020, I was on this local zoom antenatal group (thanks covid) with only 5 couples in it, we kept in touch with a WhatsApp group afterwards. Anyway, we had a name picked already for our daughter (Turkish name as DH is Turkish so pretty unusual in the UK). Another couple in the group gave birth first and announced their daughters name and I couldn't believe it when it was an almost identical name (first letter E vs A but basically the same name). It turned out that spelled with an E, it was also a French name and the mum was French! What are the chances out of only 5 babies 🤣
As ridiculous as it sounds as I never even met these people in real life, I panicked that it would look like we were copying as she gave birth first! I think I included something in my congratulations message about the name and how it was similar to the Turkish name we were going to pick for our daughter.
Of course, it was fine, but I understand the concern when it's a close friend

I also think this is a situation where we both can't use the same name as they will be so close in age

It might not be ideal for you, but you definitely can use the same name.
One of my best friends plus my sister in law have the same name as me.
Our mothers didn't know each other. It just happens. It's not going to matter in the grand scheme of things.

It's only an issue and awkward if you make it so. A conversation that goes "I know Arthur is on your shortlist, it's our top name as well. Not 100% going to be that but there's a good chance so they might have the same name" isn't awkward. Just factual and entirely non-confrontational.

Brilliant news. Bet you are glad there is a resolution. What was her take on it?

I don't see an issue with 2 babies having the same name.

It's just a name. Why can't you both just choose the same name if both sets of parents like the name?

TBH, if it's a family name, I'd use it as a middle name and give your baby some originality.

Tell her you've decided that is going to be the name. That might be enough for her to discount it.

If not, it isn't the end of the world. My parents' best friends called their son the same name as my brother a month later and it's never been an issue.

Friend of mine has a DC with the same name as mine, they were born 2 weeks apart. She asked if I minded, I said of course not. It's not like I was using an entirely new name that I personally make up just for my DC. I think it's really cute they are called the same.

Who cares! If your close friends it really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you’re not either. Have you told her you plan on definitely calling your child that name? I’m sure she wouldn’t use it if you’ve mentioned it to her anyway. But it doesn’t matter either way in the grand scheme of things

Announce on Facebook asap that you can’t wait for baby (chosen name) to arrive and you’re looking forward to keeping the memory of (family member) alive in your own child’s name.
Once it’s out there for everyone to see, they will be copying you and that’s their choice.

Why do something like that and be so pointlessly antagonistic about it? When a quick chat like a normal human being would sort it. As OP has already confirmed.

It was already not actually an issue. This ridiculous advice would just needlessly blow it up into an ever bigger issue.

You or she might move away and barely see each other again for many years. I wouldn’t ever not name my child the name I like because right here, right now, a friend is thinking of the same name. Life is far too curve ball to think life is so set in stone in such unstinting quantities.

It’s rather sweet if they both end up with the same name.

I would order an Blanket with the name on it, post on social media X weeks until we get to cuddle you all snug in your blanket, or if you don’t want to tell everyone just send her a pic and say your so happy with it for (insert baby name)

Oh God there's no way I would do this! 😅 I don't want anyone to know the name until they are born! I also think it could potentially lead to her being annoyed because I KNOW the name is on her list!

We met for lunch and I told her. She was super chill about it all! She said they weren't close to fully deciding on a name at all. She text me later that evening after chatting with her OH that they have taken the name off their list. It wasn't a top name for them, they weren't fully sure on it and have names they prefer so they have just removed it altogether. All is good!

That's great - perfect outcome. You definitely did the right thing OP

I feel much better that I spoke to her in advance. You just never know what might cause offence to some people so was better to chat about it! Thanks for the advice all!!

In my group one had her baby before me and used the name I had picked. For a stupid moment I thought it meant I couldn't use the name. I still did and I never saw her past the babies being seven months. Use the name.

Good result OP! Much more adult approach than a frigging personalised baby blanket!

(I hate personalised items anyway because then WTF do you do with them once you're done with them?)

I agree. I think the FB post thing comes across as a bit bitchy if I'm honest. I think it would be very obvious to her what I was doing! 🙈

My cousin's half brother has the same name as him and they're fine with it.

George Foreman (of boxing and grill fame) has 5 sons and they’re all called George. They also all have the same middle name.