Name dilemma

[Thunderstorms279]

My Sister and I (both pregnant with girls) want to use the same name for our daughter, it is the name of our grandmother who was more like our mother as we lost our own mother very young.
the girls will have different surnames and will not attend the same nursery’s / pre school / school but will be around each other growing up and my daighter is due after my sister’s daughter.

will I look like I have copied? The name is too sentimental to just be a middle name for me. Please give me your honest thoughts

I think it would be a good idea to have a plan B as when DNiece is born you might feel differently, just now both babies are equally hypothetically called it.

Are there no variations on the name - what does your sister think?

Don’t do it, is there a variation you could choose? Or your grandmother’s middle name?

My friend and her cousin had the same first and last names, it was no issue at all

Don't do it.

It's been bad enough in my family, where my brother had the same name as an uncle, and an uncle we didn't see that often.
It would be ridiculous to give the same name to your dd as your sister does when they are only a few months apart and will have the same extended family and be in the same place at any family get togethers.

Do it.

It’s so meaningful to you both and is a lovely tribute to a woman who was clearly very loved.

Are there multiple nick name variations. Ie Floss an Flo for Florence. Maggie and Peggy for Margaret.

if you and your sister will choose different names they go by. Then I didn’t think it matters do their formal name is the same.

but if you are both committed to one particular name I think that you can think of something else. Maybe your grandmothers favorite flower, musical artist, colour, etc could prompt a new name option.

but please, don’t fall out about it .

its just a name.

sisters are more important than names .

Difficult one, but personally I couldn't name my child exactly the same as their cousin, no matter how sentimental. Especially a cousin so close in age.

However, I also think you and your sister need a frank chat as it also doesn't seem fair that she gets to use such a special name simply because she's due first, while you have to consider other options. It's not like she had a daughter, named her, then you fell pregnant. You're both on the naming journey at the same time, therefore it only feels right that a compromise is needed.

If there are no similar variations you could both go for, the obvious compromise would be to both use it as a middle name. I know you say you don't want to, but the logistics of two same age cousins with the same name seems too complex to me.

Obviously it's up to you though. We're all different. Personally I couldn't re-use an exact family name, no matter how special, but I like honouring in the middle name slot instead whereas obviously you don't. As long as your sister is ok with it there's nothing to stop you. If she doesn't like it though it's a bit awkward (not that she owns it, or indeed has a right to 'dibs' but you don't want to risk falling out). It definitely needs careful, sensitive discussions.

It could work if it has multiple shortenings and you both choose a different one for your child to be known as on a daily basis. Otherwise I think it is a bit strange and confusing

Do it.
Definitely. You want the name for your daughter. It'll be absolutely fine.

Could you not use your mother’s name instead?

Or you could both agree to use the name as a middle name, so the cousins will have a lovely connection both with each other and with their great granny.

Just find another name, it's ridiculous to have cousins with the same name. Don't put them through that confusion just to prove that ''nobody owns a name''

nice idea

You both love it, it's special.
Use it 🙂

I don't think it will matter, lots of step families have duplicate names and just get on with it.

Use the name you love. It's fine for cousins to have the same name, it happens in lots of families including mine for exactly the same reason as you. The girls won't know any different and you and your sister will easily get used to talking about "your Sarah / my Sarah".

I think it depends on the name. Can you tell us?

There are cousins in my family with the same name. Both called Lucy, so name that doesn't really have a shortening or nickname either so they are both just called their name. They were born 8 weeks apart.

It makes zero difference to anything other than maybe making sure Christmas presents get to the right one

if your sister is okay with it I thinks it’s fine and kind of cute. But I would carefully select a middle name if, for whatever reason, your daughter doesn’t want the same name as her cousin when she grows up.

You both like it, and have a legit reason to use it. Nobody's copying anyone.
I'd use whatever name I wanted, and I wouldn't worry if their cousin had the same name.
They are individuals. Lots of people have very common names that they encounter several people in each school classroom and workplace with the same name. They don't feel any less of a person!

I probably wouldn’t myself but I do know a family where there are multiple sets of cousins with the same name for exactly this type of reason, and it doesn’t seem to bother them.
But you do need to talk it through with your DSis.

When they are children they are likely to see a lot of each other so it may seem odd at times but of course you can have nicknames.

When they are adults they may not be as close and then it really won't matter.

The other pony is which I don't necessarily agree with but many do consider is why saddle the children with the name of a dead relative instead of giving them their own identity. That's why a middle name can be useful.

It's fine, if you both feel so strongly.
Whatever you do - decide to remain great friends and supportive of each other. Remember to keep your grandmother's spirit of generosity towards family alive regardless of what you end up calling your daughters.

Alternitives for if you change your mind nearer to the birth:
Grandma's favourite name.
Grandma's initials.
Grandma's favourite flower.
Grandmother's surname or second name.
Grandmother's mother's name.

There are cousins in my family with the same name. Not odd or ridiculous at all and there has never been any confusion.

It happened when my mother and her own cousin were expecting babies at the same time back in the 1960s. Both babies were girls, born only a week apart. Both given the same name and there were no issues at all.

OP, use the name if you want to, even if your sister also does. You both love it and both have lovely reasons for wanting to use it. Both girls will be named after their great grandmother, who played the major part in your upbringing (and your sister's). You should both use it.

Our paternal grandad was called Charlie, great man who fought in the war, and 3 of my nephews are called Charlie. No problems within the family, more seen as a sign of respect to honour his memory.