Surname for baby

[I24]

I’m due around Christmas time and me and my partner can’t decide what to give our baby as a last name.
I want to double barrel it so both mine and his last name and he wants the baby to have just his last name any suggestions

Well unfortunately for his mum she's not having his baby, you are.

We aren't married and if we ever do get married I will keep my name so the choice was between giving the kids my name or double barrelling. I gave that choice to my partner. Unsurprisingly, he went for double barrelling. Giving them his name was never really an option but that was something we discussed before I was pregnant.

Either just your name or double barrelled.

Double barrel, I did this with mine and I love that he has both mine and my partner's surname! I wouldn't have wanted to not share a surname with him so nothing else was ever going to be an option for me

So he already sees his family as more important and what his mother wants as mattering more than what you want? About your own bloody baby?!

I don’t think so.

This doesn’t bode well to say the least. I’d be giving MY baby MY name, and telling him that if things work out, and if you do end up staying together and getting married, then a discussion on what YOUR JOINT family name might be will happen then. Spoiler: it won’t involve his mum!

You're the babies family

How would you feel if you split and baby has his surname?

Yours or double barrelled at least.
My ex wouldn't let me use my surname and he hasn't seen the DC's in a decade. It's been annoying to say the least.

If you’re not married then your name or double- barrelled. It makes it easier. Otherwise you’ll be known as Mrs dadsname, any meeting you’ll be known as the dadsname family, if you go through passport control you may be questioned (kids have my surname and dad was asked this as has different surname).

your partner should be concerned with YOUR family (you him baby) not HIS family (him, his mum his dad his baby etc.)
This would bother and worry me the most tbh.

me and my oh arent married. kids have my surname. My oh was not bothered in the slightest (we’ve been together 25 years and he is a very good dad).

you can register the birth without him so it’s absolutely your call.

As you're not married, give them both names; I wish I'd done that with my DC to my now EXDP.

When he gives birth he gets to chose, his mum got to chose when she had a baby...

Give the baby your surname. I wouldn’t even double-barrel it. I bitterly regret letting my ex force me to give DC his surname. Remember, if, contrary to expectations, he turns out to be a keeper, you can always change baby’s surname to double-barrelled. But if you give baby his surname, then split up, you won’t be able to change baby’s surname to yours without your ex’s agreement, which he probably wouldn’t give.

Warning - don’t even take your partner to the registry office to register the birth. He could bully you and take over.

Hyphenate. Doesn't matter whether you get married or not. The baby is both yours and his- she needs both your names

Disagree with the ‘needs’ aspect. We went a different route altogether and gave ours a new surname that was theirs. All our kids have that surname so they share it, they certainly didn’t ‘need’ either of ours! It’s never caused any confusion, as kids they all knew we were mum/dad and anyone who mattered such as teachers knew they were our kids. The government certainly never got confused, you can have different names all you like and they still link you up! No issues with travel either.

There are millions of children in the Uk that only have their father’s surname. Why are you not concerned about their needs ?

You could blend the two. Eg if your smith and he's Watson you could name your baby smithson.

@J0S "There are millions of children in the Uk that only have their father’s surname. Why are you not concerned about their needs ?"

I am. I think it's appalling that women are erased in the naming of their children.

He has to go to the reg office if he is going to be on the birth cert which I assume op wants.
They won't tolerate any bullying there either.
On both occasions me and DP had a quite obvious whispered argument and they didn't bat an eyelid.
Basically I wasn't with dp when baby 1 was born so did just my surname. Massive bone of contention dp was distraught but I stuck to my guns.
When DP2 was due I obviously didn't want them having diff surnames when have same dad. Hyphenation of our surnames sounds silly.
If we ever marry il change mine and our children's names.
Fwiw he never has to use their surnames ie at drs or filling in forms or nurseries etc I do all of that. He had to build a massive bridge and get the fuck over it. We just don't talk about it now.

Sorry dc2

And yes @BreatheAndFocus totally agree with rest of ur post

Please for your own and your child's wellbeing yours or double barrelled. I know so many children who want the name of the person raising them and they aren't allowed to change it until they are adults. If you're not married protect both yourself and your child.

I say this as a mother of a son and when he grows up if he was having a child out of wedlock I'd advise the girl the same.

So he doesn’t see you as his family? Yikes.

What everyone else said.
You must give baby your surname, that is non-negotiable.
His surname can be a middle name or you can give baby two surnames (with or without a hyphen).
If he doesn't like it, tough. You can register the birth without him, he can't register the birth without you.
And if his mum is interfering this much already, it doesn't bode well for coparenting

Your surname. No question.

Your surname or as a generous compromise hyphenated.

Easy option. Get down the registry office and get married. Then you all have the same name. He can even register the baby without you.

Why does that automatically give them all the same surname?

Yes its. Both my teen DC's have mentioned changing their names. It's infuriating it wasn't allowed when they were little.

@sleepercellspy indeed, rather presumptuous of me. However I presumed based on the way she worded her op that if they were married she'd be happy for the baby to have his name