Do you think names should be a compromise even if it's both not your favourite?

[Rubyrosie12]

There is a name that I loved and my husband wasn't so keen which I was gutted about. I was talking to my friend about this, and she mentioned she knew someone who didn't take no for an answer and named their baby the name she liked anyway regardless of her husband not loving it like she did. I just think I would feel to guilty doing that. Do you think it should be 50/50 or even a compromise name I don't know how common this is who gets the final say.

We compromised both times. The names we chose weren't even in my top 20 but now I associate them with my children I love them! I wouldn't insist on a name my husband wasn't keen on.

I named my babies. My DH agreed with me.

Yes, names are a parenting decision and just like any other decision such as which school your child attends should be made between the parents. Names last the child’s whole lifetime (unless the child goes on to change it), so it’s important both parents agree. It’s not something which is rendered unimportant in time like the colour of the baby’s room, or whether to take them to rhyme time or baby yoga.

The woman gets the final say, as they are the ones statistically very more likely than not to be left with the DC in the event of a split, and make more personal and financial sacrifices over the course of a lifetime.

I find it hard to believe that people can't find a name both parents can be content with. I wouldn't choose a name minister actively disliked

I chose her first name and he chose her middle name. I did all the hard work with growing and then delivering the baby and being the main care giver.

Yes of course. You have to agree.

We both made various suggestions until we came up with one we both liked. I would have thought this is fairly normal and really not that difficult.

Having said this, if there was a name that my DH had his heart absolutely set on for some reason then as long as I didn't actively dislike it I possibly would have gone along with it. And same for him, I think.

I really don't like the idea that the woman should have the final say.

I chose with both daughters he liked them though pregnant with number 3 and this time proving trickier he's happy for me to take the lead but I obviously want him to like it

I think it has to be a compromise. Having said that, DP was happy for me to choose as long as it was a “normal” name eg Catherine, Emma, Alice, Lucy, Victoria - all fine. Valentina, luna, blossom, primrose type names he didn’t like. Then there were some middling type names like Serena, Marianne etc that he were 50/50 if he’d ok.

I made the baby inside my own body, so I named him. I told the father he could name the ones he carried. Seems fair to me? 🤷‍♀️

Yes i think so, and i think thats why there are lots of children with popular names, as the chances of both liking the same unusual name are lower.

Pronably compromise is the best thing, but I had it easy because my partners only stipulation was that he didn't already know and dislike someone with the name.
So I said a name I liked, he said yeah thats really nice and that was it.

Absolutely the perfect start to a lifetime of mutual, loving and respectful parenting.

So I'm someone who went with the compromise name. There was a name I had loved for years. DH came up with no names. We went with the only one he said yes to. I think it's important to remember - I suggested it. Anyway, I ended up with PND as I had major name regret. We changed his name at 6 months old to the one I had wanted for years and I've never looked back. He suits this one so much more.
If DH had a name he had wanted to use for years and meant a lot to him, I would do the same. I think when neither has one they love, it is a lot more complicated.

Do you use that logic to dictate everything relating to dc then? Wow. Crap marriage.

I love my son's middle name and sometimes I wish I called him that he's 5 months now. The weird thing is the name I've always liked for years is his first name and it was compromise. I'll be honest DH loved Arthur and I loved Albert but we both agreed on Henry on the morning on the register office. Its such a big decision isn't it. Did people react ok we you told them? I was thinking about swapping DS's names round on BC

@Rubyrosie12 yes people reacted OK and were supportive. As I had been struggling with it for a few months, a lot of people around us knew what I was going through before we made the change official. The regret had turned into PND for me so people saw how unhappy it was making me.

I think it is more common for people to swap first and middle name around, so I don't think you're alone there! Ours was a bit more unusual with wanting to add a name that wasn't already on his birth certificate!

This was roughly my opinion as well, I’m the one risking my health for this child so I get the majority vote.
I had a friend once who fought with her partner about the baby name all through the pregnancy. Half way through labor when she began to tire out and struggle her partner said if she carried on they would use the name she picked.

In my experience men don’t think about baby names as much as women, I had a list picked out since I was a kid.

DS1 has a different father so just I chose his name.

ds2 has what I’d call an ordinary name, it was DP’s choice but I didn’t dislike it. He is usually known by his nickname anyway so his official name rarely gets used.

dd has an unusual (but not made up) name. We had 3 names we both liked and when she was born DP let me choose as he said he liked all of them

I absolutely would not compromise. As far as I was concerned it was DH's responsibility to decide he liked one of the options I put forward, considering I was putting forward loads and he barely put any out there. Would I have bulldozed him into something he didn't like at all? Probably not, but if he had refused to even try to find one of the hundreds I suggested acceptable then we'd have had bigger problems.

I chose both my daughters names, they were names I’ve loved and had on my list for years. DH - god love him, but he was just plucking names out of thin air and whatever “sounded nice”. He hadn’t grown up with a baby name list on his phone!

When I knew the gender of our first, I was set on her name and DH liked it too; I don’t think he would ever say he “loved” a name, but he is pretty agreeable. He wanted to honor a dear family member of his by using it as our daughters middle name, which we did. We get lots of compliments for our girls names and he will take all the credit lol.

I wouldn’t compromise on a name I loved for - a name with meaning- for just a name we both just “liked”.

Of course it needs to be a compromise if you are in a committed relationship, a family and planning to raise a child together.

Partnership/ marriage isn't about putting ur foot down and competing! a successful long term relationship is about meeting half away and compromise to something you both love !

We had fertility treatment in lockdown and quite frankly they treated the men horribly.

so yes whilst I’m the one who carried/ruined my body and health for our beautiful child. Their dad was set on a family name, which I didn’t love, but, I also didn’t have a name I loved so we agreed to use his choice of name, so he felt part of the process.

its suits them down to the ground.