Sister stole my baby name

[JessMathews8]

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.
I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.

My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.
She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.
I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?

@Itsonlymashadow i would say dibs probably the wrong word. But as OP has mentioned to her sister before that this is her name choice it was probably then that her sister should have said ‘oh I want to use that too’. Then the OP would know it was a race to who could use it first and there would be no reasonable reason to be upset as like you say they both have right to it. However the sister did not say this and has now waited until they are both about to give birth
to then use it, which in my opinion is unfair and too late to use something precious to OP. She should have laid claim on it alongside OP years ago when they first spoke of it. How that makes it clearer.

No you wouldn’t be the bad person. It’s not implied imo. It appears the sister mentioned it during her pregnancy as well.

It’s a family name. More than one person has had it.

No I'd be pissed off about it big time would really upset me, I mean U have no say what she calls her baby but seen as she new for ages it was the name U were set on it's selfish of her but then makes u look petty for saying it but I'd be livid with her if it was my sister I prob wudnt talk to her for a long time over it

The op does say the sister said when she was pregnant she was going to use it.

There doesn’t need to be a race. It’s the name of a relative who they both love and they both like the name.

Loads of cousins have the same name. I used to know a guy who had the same name as 7 cousins (first name and last name) and the same first name as an eighth cousin. Exact same name as his grandfather and one of his uncles. And then the next generation started to be born and more sprouted up.

I think it depends a bit on what the name is. If 'Nana' was something like Elizabeth, one of the babies could be use a form of it and the other a different one.

It probably isn't, or both want to use the full version.

@Itsonlymashadow why didn’t the sister say it in the years that OP has been trying to get pregnant. She says she has said that all the way along. Im
talking about long before the pregnancies

If my sister and I were both pregnant and having daughters, and she knew that I had always intended to name a daughter after our grandmother, then I hope she'd not use it

We're only hearing one side of the story here... Maybe the sister has also always intended to use Nana's name?!

It would be a shame if the name caused a rift in the family. Especially when both sisters are trying to show appreciation for their granny by using the name.

I’d just use the same name. We have the same few names being used across a few family members, eg I’m named after my cousin (the female version of a male name). He’s only a few years older than me. I named a DD after his Mum and, obviously, because I liked the name too.

I don't have additional information that isn't here. There could be tons of reasons.

To be honest, I wouldnt be taking talk of children's names when no one is pregnant seriously. And I don't think someone can say they are using a name and that's it. Forever more, no one else can. That no one can use a family name cause someone claimed it first years ago.

I also think that by default, if its a family name there's going to be multiple people with that name so it doesn't matter if 2 cousins have the same name.

I would also say,

Use the same name and stop being so childish

Just use the name as well OP. You don't own it but neither does she. They'll probably end up with different nicknames.

Use the name, DD has the same name as her cousin they have different surnames but do live close by and never been an issue.
I did not want to back down on the name I love as it had sentimental value

She's your sister's nana too so the name is obviously special to her too. Why should you have a monopoly on using it just because you verbalised that intention before your sister did?

You have absolutely no reason to be angry with her. She hasn't taken anything from you. You can still use the name if you choose to. You weren't more entitled to it or more deserving of it than your sister.

I'm sure that if you've both wanted to name your children after her, your nan was a special woman who cared deeply about both of you. And if that's the case, I'm also sure that she would want you falling out or resenting each other over her name. It's supposed to be a tribute to her.

I'd be super angry - you are entitled to feel so let down and cross

However - you either use the same name or rethink things - is there another name u love? A nickaname that your Nan had?

My sister did similar and I chose a new mane for DD and nans maiden name as a middle name for DD. - now once the hurt has healed I'm happy she has her own identity with a middle male with a story and some history

*middle name

She's your sister's nana too so the name is obviously special to her too. Why should you have a monopoly on using it just because you verbalised that intention before your sister did?

Exactly.

The sister may have also verbalised her intention to name her dd that name - we've not heard her side by of the story.

People have different views on this obviously . I’d be upset too, but I wouldn’t use the same name x what’s the name btw?

Three of my cousins and I share a first name! We are all called after our Grannie.