Sister stole my baby name

[JessMathews8]

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.
I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.

My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.
She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.
I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?

I understand your point of view. Yes it’s a family name and she can use it if she likes, however, it sounds like you actively discussed how you felt. She had an opportunity to come to compromise, and instead, she was just dismissive.

In the same fashion in which she has used the name, you can go ahead and use it too.

Nobody can steal a name.

Just name her the same name. You like the name and it has sentimental meaning. You are naming your baby after your nana, not her cousin.
Would your nana have minded having two granddaughters named after her? Unlikely. If it’s a namesake then no one can get pissed off at anyone. That’s just the way it is.
Are their middle names and surnames different? I assume at least one is, so it’s not the same name anyway.

Why have you posted twice about this?

All the people saying you don’t own the name etc are technically correct, but it’s a dick move on your sisters behalf when she knew you had your heart set on it.

I have 3 sets of cousins with the same names, so my grandparents have multiple grandchildren with the same names. Unimaginative, but not impossible.

We had the same thing happen. Sister had a different name chosen all along and we found out they decided to use the name we had chosen the day of the birth when she posted on social media.

We used the name anyway (also a family name)

It really hasn't made any difference having two cousins with the same name.

Anyone saying you don’t have dibs on a name I don’t get.
i named my daughter after my nana. Always said I would. And my sister knew that. If she had taken it I would have been fuming!
it’s about being kind to one another and doing that should no respect for you

Could you create an hyphenated name, by adding '‐two' ?

I’ve just seen an excellent suggestion from someone on your AIBU thread. Call her bluff. Start talking about how special it will be for the cousins to have the same name. Once she knows you aren’t backing down and you have convinced her that you aren’t upset (this will take some acting) she is very likely to reconsider. The baby isn’t legally named until registered so you have some time.

Is your Nana also her Nana?

This. If it is then of course she may also want to name her dd after her.

Please use a different name - your dd deserves her own name!!

That's such childish behaviour imo.

Just choose another name - there are literally thousands of lovely girls names.

But why did you get it?

I don’t get the ‘dibs’ thing. It’s the name of a woman who is the Nana of both women. I don’t get how one person saying ‘I claim it for my child only. She might have been you Nana as well but it’s my name’

It’s the name of a woman who is the Nana of both women.

Exactly this. The first one of them to happen to have a girl should be able to use it. The older sister probably loves it just as much if she chose it for her dd.

We have two Charlie's in our family. No one gave a shiny flamingo about it.

You don't own the name and have exclusive rights to it.

Use the name you want and don't stress!

This is precisely why I chose names that aren't family names, that are ones I've taken the time to chose. Because that way nobody gets upset.
I get it's nice to honour relatives but actually they are their own little person, they are not someone else and that shouldnt be put on them because theirs an expectation they become as great as the person they are named after. Chose a name you love and your Dad will love it regardless because it's the name of his grandchild.

No one owns a name so technically your sister has done nothing wrong however I totally understand why you are upset.

You can still use the same name. My Grandmother used a shorten version of her name. Two of my cousin share the name. Both siblings loved it and wanted to use it.

What’s childish about it? If we agree that no-one owns a name then both sisters are equally entitled to use it. If the sister genuinely wants the name she’ll keep it too. There’s no reason why cousins can’t have the same name. If it’s a power move she’ll drop it when she realises that OP isn’t going to fold.

No one owns a name.

You can still use it.

Or use as a middle name.

YABU

Personally, I think it’s childish to do it to try and force someone else to not use a name.

Just naming your child the same is fine. Trying to play games in the hope of getting your own way is childish.

and in all likelihood, she won’t reconsider.

It seems we are agreed that OP should feel free to use the name anyway.

Whether or not this is a ‘game’ comes down to the sister’s motivations, which are both unknowable and out of OP’s control. To repeat, if the sister is genuinely using the name for her own legitimate reasons then it will make no difference and they will have a sweet story about a pair of cousins both named after Nana. If she is motivated by something more petty or spiteful (and that WOULD be childish) then she might reconsider. As none of us can know the best course of action is for OP to use the name she has planned for four years.

@Itsonlymashadow , but that is what OP's sister is doing to OP.

Normally I think people can use whatever name they want and nobody owns a name. But in this case I would be extremely irritated. I would use the name anyway. I would say she was aware that was what you had called your unborn daughter when she used the name and you are not changing it. Otherwise you'll be annoyed every time you hear your niece's name.

Unless you can think of a better name between now and your daughter's birth.

you must have more information than I can see. I can’t see where the sister is saying she wants to name the baby that to stop her sister doing it.

Sounds more like she named her baby it because she wanted to.

Even if that’s the reason the sister has done it. It’s still childish, imo. From both of them.

@Itsonlymashadow, It's not mentioned but it's implied.
If my sister and I were both pregnant and having daughters, and she knew that I had always intended to name a daughter after our grandmother, then I hope she'd not use it.

If she did, I'd be the bad person if I'd use the same name.

By using the name, the sister is effectively blocking OP from using the name.