That old unmarried surname dilemma...

[alittleteapot]

throughout pg was very clear LO would have DP's surname. When it came to crunch i found it very painful when it came to crossing my name out. Am going to add my name as middle name which you can do easily within 12 months. Now wondering if I really wish i'd gone for double barrel after all (not keen in some ways but have talked to a few friends who like me gave their LO their DP's name and have found they mind more than they thought) - but adding a surname would be a bigger deal as would involve changing LO's name by deedpoll which seems a bit heavy.

So, in compromise, wondering if it would be silly to have my name as a middle name and sometimes use it double barrel style and sometimes not? or to use it as a full name even tho not official?

when i got married my husband changed his surname to mine - so my dc have my name

When I was expecting, xp insisted dd had his surname. I wasn't completely convinced and when she arrived I knew I couldn't have a different surname to her. Xp refused to discuss it and it was such a big deal for me I ended up asking the registrar to double barrel it mine-his (it sounded much better that way round).

I actually prefer xp's surname to mine anyway, and the combo sounds good so I don't mind the db. I've been referred to as 'Mrs (db name)' a few times so I'm already starting to drop his surname - it just makes things a lot less complicated as he's not involved, and it'll be easier for her to spell too. I do like the idea of her being able to choose what to use in the future, esp as I feel having both surnames reflects her mixed heritage.

What does bug me is that he and all of his family address her mail using his surname only, and me mine - 'dd (his surname)' c/o 'me (my surname)' - like they're stating on the envelope she belongs to him and I'm just her mother I know, I'm probably just being over sensitive

my child has MySurname-DadSurname double barrelled.we would not have had it any other way. Inevitably we still get cards ScottishBubba Daddy surname but the ole timers just cant get with the new fankled ways.. dont read anything into it, just they don't get the concept

Yes, that happens to us too. Not sure if it's because husband's family don't remember or do remember but want no truck with my high-falutin' townie ways.

aye fancy pants townies an' their high floutin ways tbh livin in sin shocked them enough

"I don't believe you have to do a deedpoll to change your surname."

I'm currently changing my surname to my married one (after only 8 years!) cos 1- it's a pain in the bottom and 2 - I want to have the same name as my bump, and I wouldn't really want to bless anyone with my painful surname. I still get to be Dr H at work through and Mrs C elsewhere.

Anyway, you don't need to do a deed poll. If you get married then you don't need anything other than a marriage certificate. Banks want proof of ID change too - I guess there's security implications here. If you just want to be "known" as something else, then you let people know. Other organisations have different takes on what level of ID you need to change name. I think the tax office and NI want marriage cert . passport type level, NHS wanted marriage cert, but credit card, bizzarely dod it over the phone.

Have often thought it would be good to get a doctorate (if I had the time and brains) just to avoid all those irritating 'is that Miss, Mrs or Ms?' questions ....

at Madbad...

It is good, except for when you get to a hotel very late and tired on a buisness trip and the receptionist askes if it's Miss or Mrs and you reply, out of habit, "It's Dr actually" in front of non-Dr collegues, who then tease you about it for years to come.

At the time, doing the doctorate seemed like an easier option than getting a proper job!

Bikerunski -

If they're teasing you, it must be because they love you (in a supportive, professional, colleague-y way, naturally).

Respect for the PhD.