That old unmarried surname dilemma...

[alittleteapot]

throughout pg was very clear LO would have DP's surname. When it came to crunch i found it very painful when it came to crossing my name out. Am going to add my name as middle name which you can do easily within 12 months. Now wondering if I really wish i'd gone for double barrel after all (not keen in some ways but have talked to a few friends who like me gave their LO their DP's name and have found they mind more than they thought) - but adding a surname would be a bigger deal as would involve changing LO's name by deedpoll which seems a bit heavy.

So, in compromise, wondering if it would be silly to have my name as a middle name and sometimes use it double barrel style and sometimes not? or to use it as a full name even tho not official?

My children are double-barrelled - what they do when they start their own families is their problem!

I suspect they will drop dp's name because it only needs one letter changed to make it something embarrassing!

Oranges, my DS has my DP's surname. I was not and am not bothered about him having a different surname to me. Also, DP's older son has his mother's surname, and DP suspects that this was because he was little more than a sperm donor to her - she kicked him out when DSS was a toddler. So it was important to him that our DS had his name. I can't speak for anyone else but that's why this woman did it.

I love the idea of creating a new family name for all of you. Then you can choose anything you want.
My DP would never have considered this so DSs took his name. I got so fed up of having a different name to them that I changed mine by deed poll. We'll probably get married at some point so I would have changed eventually anyway.
btw, I hated my surname and DP's was better so I didn't mind changing. If I'd loved my surname I might not have been happy to surrender it so easily.

I double barrelled my sons name and although i'm glad he has both surnames on I hate the pretentiousness of the double barrell. In hindsight I wish I'd just put my surname on.

Re. creating a new surname, you could join your two surnames together, i.e. Johnson and Tomkinson could be Johnkinson or similar.

As regards to what happens on subsequent marriage, I am told traditionally it is usual to drop the first part of the barrell. So Miss Johnson-Tomkinson marrying Mr Doolally would be Mrs Tomkinson-Doolally.

Having said that though I think people can do pretty much whatever they like nowadays!

But if giving a baby the mother's name only relegating the man to the role of sperm donor, isn't giving it the father's name equally relegating the woman to the status of egg donor?

But if giving a baby the mother's name only relegating the man to the role of sperm donor, isn't giving it the father's name equally relegating the woman to the status of egg donor?

just thinking about new traditions for creating surnames -

the place you met "Pub"... the place you first stayed in on holiday together "tent" - not great so far...

Bluestocking I have two dss with their mum's surname for exactly the same reason - would prefer no involvement from their dad at all. I know not all mums do it for this reason but it's sad isn't it. Oldest dss had dp's surname registered, mum then unofficially changed it, and registered youngest dss in her surname.

DS has DP's surname for this reason, and also I hate my own surnme and can't wait to get rid of it myself!! Sometimes I get called mrsDP/DS, but I don't mind.

I think if you are going to change your LOs name, do it sooner rather than later.

Seeker, it is a sad fact that some women view a father figure is of no importance, find a gullible man, have a child then cut all ties, knowing that as 'egg donor' daddy will never get custody unless mum is a risk.

The place where they were conceived - I would have an ArbutusLodgeCork and a CahirsiveenHolidayCottage!

Bluestocking - I think that's way it's important to me that she has dp's name in there - because it's easier for father's to disappear (mine did), even tho I absolutely know that this one won't in a million years. but now i think it's a bit sad that that means the woman surrendering her own name - Mankymummy i know what you mean about double barrelled names seeming a bit pretentious which is why it didn't comea s first choice, btu can now udnertand why it's a great solution and also they're so common now they have a differnt feel to htem these days i think. but i also think traditions are useful so that there doesn't need to be a tortuous thought process, so let's think up some new ones!

the place conceived - Home. Quite like that as a surname!

My dc's last names would also be a constant reminder of how their parent's standard of living plummetted once dd arrived!

Agggh - errant apostrophe - parents', I meant!

I am 15 weeks with my first baby. I didn't change my surname when I got married 8 years ago, but now have an overwhelming desire to haver the same name as baby. Mine and DH's surnames are just too long and unwieldy together to consider double barrelling - which I generally don't like anyway. His is the far more practical, spellable option!

I have just started looking into how to change my surname -looks like it'll take me until September! I'm established in my job and profession, so I'll keep my maiden name for work.

I have my surname, dh has his and ds has mine - dh's choice, I would have gone for double barrel or giving ds mine as a middle. Doesn't cause any problems at all beyond a few raised eyebrows among the neighbours and school mums (we live in a middle-class commuter town with a Tory MP...). But I don't give a toss about that! I might have felt a tiny pang if dh's surname wasn't so boring and common (as he freely admits - that's why he wasn't bothered).

I didn't change my name either when I married DH. I felt very protective over my name after my mother unofficially changed it to her second husbands and I only got my real name back when I went to university. We gave DD DH's name and it never occured to me to do any different but reading this thread I realise I've had a nagging doubt about our choice. I don't like DD having a differennt surname to me and I don't won't to change mine. They're far too long to double barrel so we're probably stuck with the status quo. That makes me a little

I didn't change my surname on marriage.
The DDs have DH's surname and mine as a middle name.
I was going to double barrel but didn't - too many syllables and was worried about the pretentiousness factor.

I wish i had now. They could always have "dropped" my part of the double barrel for everyday use, but it would have been there as a formality. When they get older if they didn't want to be double barrelled, they could have chosen which bit to "use" everyday, and i bet they would have gone with mine! (Far, far nicer).

From time to time i do double-barrel mine, as i do tend to get asked "are you the mum?" (my hair is blonde, they are brunette)

i feel a bit sad too gingerninja.

mine are just 'known as' the double barrel with just dps on the birth certificate
it is fine school/doctors etc no one flinched

So PYBF, yours are officially DP's name but are known as Yours-His? that's what i was thinking of doing. did that come about because you regretted your choice?
what's quite interesting is how many of us think we'll be happy with one way in theory but in practice feel a bit differently.
maybe BO surname, c.f Madonna and Prince

So PYBF, yours are officially DP's name but are known as Yours-His? that's what i was thinking of doing. did that come about because you regretted your choice?
what's quite interesting is how many of us think we'll be happy with one way in theory but in practice feel a bit differently.
maybe BO surname, c.f Madonna and Prince

whoops

we double barrelled and hyphenated mine and dp's names for dd's sake. it's a bit clumsy sounding, particularly as she has 2 middle names. but at least there's something of both of us in there and if he ever deigns to marry me we can all have his name as it's much nicer than mine.

By the time Elizabeth Lewington-Williams has written her name on her worksheet it will be playtime

Just musing on some poor 5-year olds I have worked with. Ignore me.

My dds have dp's surname so everyone knows they are his and he isn't just my latest boyfriend.

I live in Greece, and here women don't take their husbands' surnames on marriage. You have to sign a paper when you get married agreeing on whose surname any children you have will take. We decided on dh's, as I thought it would be easier for dcs to grow up in Greece with a Greek surname rather than my English one. It doesn't bother me that ds has dh's surname, and although officially I still have my own surname, socially I often use Mrs Dh. To be honest I can't see what the problem is, it's not like I chose my surname in the first place anyway.(besides, they pronouce dh's much better than mine!!)