Everyone pronounces our daughter's name wrong

[StarShine23]

Hi all, advice needed please.

We named our daughter after someone we know from abroad. Its a pretty simple name but we had never heard it in the UK before. Baby is now 1 and the name has become more popular here, but it has a different pronunciation than we use. The problem we have is we don't like way its pronounced here, but everyone we meet now calls her by the UK version rather than her name, even though we correct them.

Do we:
(a) stick to our original pronunciation, even though it will be a battle for her growing up when other people with the same name all pronounce it the UK way
(b) accept the UK version, even though we dont like it and to us, doesn't suit her
(c) change her name

Has anyone else been through this? What did you do / wish you had done?

We feel awful that we have unwillingly picked something that is going to be tricky for her now all her life, but we love the name.

This is such a good point. We know a French lady called Elsa (El-za). The other day I told my 3 year old that the main character in Frozen has the same name as our friend Elsa and she looked at me like I was a hopeless idiot and said "no, the girl in frozen is called "El-sa", not "El-za" 🙄" Before that moment I literally hadn't even noticed there was a difference in pronunciation. When I speak French I call our friend El-za, but when we are speaking English I say El-sa.

Depending on the name, a lot of people won't even notice they're pronouncing it differently to how you pronounce it.

This reminds me of a vlogger I saw once who was an English woman who'd moved to France, and she was talking about (although not complaining, to be fair, just mentioning out of interest) how the French "mispronounce" her name... her name was Emily. So the French pronounce it exactly the same way we do, just with a slightly tighter, sharper pronunciation of the E, i and y 🙄🙄🙄

At that stage it's not pronunciation, it's just accent. To me, that would be like a southerner correcting a northerner for calling them ""Dair-zih" instead of "Days-ee".

I have an odd name, (Tamar) my mum hated it being miss pronounced or worst still shortened or converted to a similar name. Me? I'm used to it, I've been called Tames, Tammy, Tamar, Tamara , Tara, Tracy(?) Thames, Tamsin, Tamsey, T'mar, "Tam... er what's that?' I've learnt to pretty much answer to anything and everything really and certain people call me Tammy, which makes sense t special between me and them. My best friend calls me Tam, and I only like her calling me it and my brother has a few very charming names he calls me...which is hilarious. So really, I say relax, she will find her favourite way of it being said, it's her name after all.

I'd also say, this is why most people have a middle name too.

@DuchessOfSausage if the actor wanted to make a trochaic substitution then sure. Of course a good actor with decent classical training would make it sound much more naturalistic than my clumsy example.

How else is Esme pronounced?

Ez-mee / Ez-may.

Obviously.

Is pronouncing Niamh as Neev instead of Nee-av an accent thing though? Not sure if it's the same as the examples you've given.

I can confirm that it is also impossible to get French speakers to pronounce the /h/ at the beginning of your name if you are a Helen / Henry / Harriet / Heather etc. Some do try but the sound doesn’t really exist in French and it is such a colossal effort that it sounds quite weird and it’s just easier to let them call you ‘elen!

Change the spelling to a phonetic spelling. i.e. spell it like it sounds. Although if you've named her "scone", you'll be forever arguing with the Cornish and Devonshire people whether it should be pronounced "scon" or "skown" ... I've never known how the non-Irish cope with Siobahn. But at least with a non-phonetic name, you can ask how to pronounce it.

@OldPerson , Scone is pronounced pretty much the same in Devon and Cornwall.
The Irish name is Siobhán.

The pronunciation of names change in the US from state to state, region to region. You just have to correct people and not worry about it too much.

My feeling has always been, you can't have it both ways. If you choose the sound you want, use an anglicised spelling that gives that pronunciation. More adventurously, choose your spelling and accept how different people pronounce it.

But you can't win whatever you do. My name is Donald (as in Trump) which is as plain as it comes, but I get a variety of errors - mainly Ronald, as Donald is quite an old name and many young people had not heard of it (until my hero came along!) Some variants can be quite pleasing: a russian friend says, dawn-chick.

I have a name which doesn't exist. It is my from both my parents names. I was told as a child that it was spelt wrong. Now it is more accepted with all the varieties of names! Speaking from first hand experience I like that my name is different. It breaks the ice in conversations. Yes very few pronounce it correctly and it constantly misspelt but look at the variations on the traitors boards when they vote people out.....

Your child will let you know when they are older if it is a nightmare for them.....

People have always mispronounced my name and tbh it never really bothers me. Sometimes I correct people if I’ll likely meet them again but if it’s someone I’ll never see again I don’t bother.

My daughters name is always pronounced wrong too, I’ve corrected her teachers but just leave everyone else to it. It’s a risk we take when we pick different names x

A common Irish name is Deirdre. In Coronation Street it was pronounced Deirdree, but it's more like Deirdra in Ireland.

In Dublin, many people think ee-a sounds common, so lots of people will say Neev. I'm as common as muck, and my friend Niamh said I was one of the few people she knew in Dublin who pronounced her name properly. 🤣

I've only ever heard it pronounced Ez-may 🤷

Sorry if it's already been suggested but would you be willing to change the spelling of your babies name so that people pronounce it the way irmt's spelt/the way you want it pronounced?

I once worked with two women called Deirdre, one was from the ROI and pronounced it 'Deirdra', the other from Belfast who was 'Deird-ree'. At least it helped prevent confusion, if nothing else. I also worked in an office where we had a 'Maree' at one end and a 'Marry' at the other, both spelled 'Marie'.

Names are just weird, and that's before you even get into surnames and the 'McDowells' and 'Coughlans' and 'Keoghs'.

My name is Glenys - (Glen - is) which is Welsh, I am now 64 and all my life, people have spelt my name wrong and I have been called Glin-ess, Glenda, Gladys, Glyn-ess, Glen, I just plod on and answer to all of them and take no notice, there are more things in life to worry over.

I’m still called the wrong name by people who’ve known me 30+ years and even been told I spell my own name wrong! I correct people when I can but decided as long as I know they are addressing me it’s fine. I know someone called Angela, spelt that way too, who insists it’s pronounced Ann Jella. You can try and give people your pronunciation but people will still use alternatives.

I know, but their parents gave them the wrong spelling, so their name will said/spelt incorrectly all of their lives! Why make it so complicated?

It's interesting that you knew a Deirdree from NI. I never heard anyone pronounce it that way except in Coronation Street, so it must be a regional thing.

It's funny having two equally common pronunciations of Marie in the same place. I know an equal number of MAAries and MarEEs, spelt Marie.

Even over here there can be variations in the pronunciation of Irish surnames.
Where my mother came from, Kennedy was pronounced Kindy. I think that was a very localised thing though.

Except hardly anyone ever says Esmee??? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard that pronunciation.