How to solve an impasse?

[redxlondon]

My husband likes very few names. I’m not keen on his two choices, and he hates all of mine.

The only names we can agree on, I just don’t feel as strongly about - Charlie or Thomas.

How do you get past an impasse like this? Baby is due in a few days!!

I like Theo or Lucas but he hates these.

At the moment you’ve just given birth, smile sweetly and state your choice. He’s going to look like a plonker if he says no.

lol - good plan!

I really like all of your name choices - his and yours. Thomas is one of my favourite ever names, so that would be my personal pick. Theo is great but very popular at the moment, if that’s important to you?

Can you compromise by using one of the names as a middle name, e.g. Lucas Charlie, or Charlie Theo?

Ah thanks for the Thomas love 🥰
We already have two middle names, for our fathers 🙈🙈
That’s good to know Theo is on trend at the moment, would be good to have something slightly less common. Funny how names go through trends.

I just asked my 10 year old son which of your 4 names he likes best and he said Theo! It’s popular for a reason!

Theo is absolutely every third boy at the moment and Thea is really rising for girls too. I've always liked Thomas / Tom.

You will be doing all the hard work so you should get final say in the naming imo. (Particularly if the baby will get his surname). Is he just being stubborn to get his way? They are all solid names but maybe you need to go back to the drawing board.

I agree with this. I work in a small school and we have 7 Theos. However, it's been several years since we had a Tom / Thomas. It's a lovely name, and i'm surprised more people don't use it.

If popularity matters to you Lucas is also very popular, along with Luca that's very similar. 2021 is the latest we have official data, but it gives you an idea of what is rising in popularity so likely to be higher now and what is falling: https://names.darkgreener.com/#lucas

Unofficially baby centre say this for 2023: https://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby-names/most-popular/top-baby-names-2023

I personally think in situations like this when you have different tastes you need to reach a compromise on a name you both like, but maybe not love. You will grow to love it as it becomes your child's name. We ranked the names we both agreed we liked and picked the top combined one. Or some people just pick them out of a hat in the end if they can't decide! All of the choices are lovely though, both his and yours. Hopefully one will feel right when baby is here.

I love Theo. It’s cute but also works well on an adult. There are only 3 in our school but we have more George’s than anything else!

I also think Charlie and Lucas are incredibly popular. I know quite a few.

Charlie or Thomas - I love both of them. I don't like Theo or Lucas - they are of their time and will date.

It’s popular for a reason!
Top names in the past were nice at the time but are now considered unusable.
Would you name your child Ian or Karen?

Thanks for the thoughts.

Just to clarify a couple of things:

• We’re definitely not looking for a “popular” name - just a name we both love. In fact, would almost prefer not having one that is so common, so good heads up about Theo, thank you.
• We’re equals so I don’t really agree with the whole “you’re doing all the work” sentiments. I want it to be a name we both love.

I gave my DH 3 options on the names and let him make the decision from those.

If you genuinely can't find one you both agree definitely on then find two names you both like but don't necessarily love and flip a coin. The name will become your child's name so no matter what you choose you'll end up loving it because it's their name if that makes sense.

That aside Thomas and Tom are blooming lovely and very underused compared to Theo, Charlie and Lucas so that would be my choice.

Thomas could be 90, 70, 50, 30 or a young boy - it's timeless.
Can be Tommy or Tom, and it works internationally.

You might be equal in the relationship and as parents, but you won't be equal when you're in the process of giving birth.

I don't agree with the notion that a woman should have more say about a baby name either, stick with your guns on that one OP. What a weird concept. Both parents should be completely on board with the name they're going to be using for their child for the rest of his/her life. If my husband and I don't agree on a name then it gets cut from the list no questions asked. It means I've lost out on quite a few lovely names but that's just how compromises work.

My best advice would be for you keep looking for names. Scour the BehindTheName website and make lists and hopefully you'll come across something you BOTH can fall in love with.

Good luck! :)

Also, you can check popularity at https://names.darkgreener.com/

I don't agree with the notion that a woman should have more say about a baby name either, stick with your guns on that one OP. What a weird concept.
Not a weird concept at all. There are many instances where the father insists on a name or isn't around.

@KirstenBlest If the father isn't around then of course the mother would pick the name... there's no one else to do it. And I don't agree with one parent getting more say whatever sex they are. It's an equal decision.

Wait till they are born. We had a few names but we didn't know what we were having so hadn't got a set idea what we would name either of ours I looked at them and thought they looked like one of the names. Fortunately DH agreed.

Would a name app like Kinder help? You link with each other, swipe through names (like Tinder) and you get a notification if you match. As you’re choosing independently, it might help stop the his name/my name divide.

Love Thomas and Charlie!

Imagine a little Tommy or Tom!

Our DS had no name for 5 days. We had no name in mind at all! So don’t worry if you need a few days with baby to decide on a name!

Conversely, there's no Theos in my school, but at least 5 Thomas/Tommy/Toms! Two in the same class in y1.

I love the app idea. If DP and I were having children we'd definitely use that.

@TheBirdintheCave , it's a joint decision, but I think the mother should get the final say. Either that or toss a coin.