How to solve an impasse?

[redxlondon]

My husband likes very few names. I’m not keen on his two choices, and he hates all of mine.

The only names we can agree on, I just don’t feel as strongly about - Charlie or Thomas.

How do you get past an impasse like this? Baby is due in a few days!!

I like Theo or Lucas but he hates these.

We were at a loss as we both hated each others choices. In the end we just kept running through names until
we found one we both liked.

Thumb war followed my stare down without blinking. If that doesn't work share and discuss it over a bubble bath, relaxing environment always helps.

Use one of the two you both like!

Call the baby Impasse? I quite like the French existentialist vibe…

You give birth you name them?! Either the surname or the first name entirely

I like Thomas a lot - it’s popular though, but it’s been consistently popular ish, so it won’t date as much as Theo and Lucas

Theo is insanely popular (and that’s without all the Theas and Leos) Luca also suddenly shot up

Gotta be compromise. Both of you discount your favourites and choose from what’s left on the table, maybe once the baby arrives. In the end you soon won’t be able to imagine them being anything other than whichever name you choose. For what it’s worth, Thomas is by far and away my favourite of the ones you mentioned, it’s a great name.

Once he’s here you will agree that you did all the hard work though

One compromise would be that one of you chooses the surname and the other the first name.

So if he chooses the first name, baby has your family surname. Or vice versa.

It would be pretty selfish of your husband to insist that he chooses three out of the four names 🙁

I agree that it shouldn’t be the mother automatically getting the final say - assuming still together, father on the scene, etc. I suggested names each time and DH loved them too. If he hadn’t, I would have been disappointed but would have got over it.

Of your list, I’d order them Lucas, Theo, Charlie and then Thomas (I find this such a boring name). Personally, I think you need to go back to a blank slate and find a name you both like. DH and I were set on calling DD2 Theodore if she had been a boy. We’re now expecting a DS and initially we went back to that name. I had fallen out of love with it though due to its popularity and that it doesn’t ‘fit’ with our DDs’ names. I started a thread on here asking for suggestions and found one I love. Suggested it to DH and he loves it too.

If he hates them, he hates them. Come on. You can't give your child a name that either of you hate. (I also don't like Lucas or Theo, so I can really empathise with him!)

The answer is simply to agree on a decent name that you both like well enough. That's it. It then becomes your child's name and you will love it by association with your child.

Whenever I see "name regret" threads, it's pretty much always clear that there are other issues in play, e.g. traumatic birth, weird family dynamics. So, if you're worried that you're going to be back here next year saying "I can't get over the fact we called him Charlie and not Lucas", I'd say don't worry about it, you will not be thinking about the names you didn't choose!

Why are people making naming a child into some weird adversarial tit-for-tat thing? Surely both parents should agree on both surname and first name? And if you can’t manage to discuss and come to a mutually agreeable solution with something simple like that, good luck with negotiating child-rearing with your marriage intact.

OP of your choices I like Thomas best. Theo, Lucascand, to a lesser extent, Charlie are quite “of the moment”. Thomas has always been and remains a classic.

All of my children have compromise names, which were no where near the top favourites for either of us. It's over 40 years ago and it still annoys me but it's what you have to do! My eldest son was furious when he found out what my 1st choice was because he'd love to have that name! What can you do other than compromise?

Tell him to come up with more names then, I'll bet you've been doing loads of research and he hasn't.

I think Thomas is a solid name.

We named our son Robin after coming across it randomly; we were also at an impasse and hated each others' lists. Mine were too out there and his were too boring

We are equals, too, but there are a few situations in which the “system” favours the mother - and naming the baby is one of them. For example, the baby is always traditionally given the mother’s surname. We started there. I wanted the baby to have Mychoicename Myname, he wanted the baby to have Hischoicename Hisname. The rules of the land said it was up to me to choose and he didn’t get a say. Naturally, we are equals, we discussed it and in the event I chose Mychoicename Hisname. That’s a compromise.

Hahaha , you are so right 😆

I gave birth on my own in a WTF just happened sort of a moment and hemorrhage.
While a team of doctors were trying to stop the bleeding. A midwife asked if baby had a name I said Jonny.
DH appeared in the middle of the chaos, I've said his names 'Jonny, you OK with that?'

You are absolutely right he would have looked a complete and utter arsehole if he'd said anything other than Yes.
I never really thought about it that way!!!