To think our surnames just sound odd double-barrelled

[Indierecord]

I know this isn’t a first name issue but I wasn’t which board to post this on.
Im getting married at the end of may (and plan to start TTC immediately after), I always thought when I got married I’d hyphenate my surname with his, and whilst engaged I’ve been thinking the same.
However whenever I say our surnames out loud together it sounds so odd!!! I don’t know if I’d rather just take his surname at this point (I’d love our whole family to have the same surname when the time comes).
Our surnames are Matthews and Townsend - can these ever sound good together? Should I just take his name? (I’m not that fussed on the feminist need not to, I don’t view it as ownership).

Matthews-Townsend is rather clunky, unfortunately. It doesn't just roll off the tongue. Just keep your name?

I think they sound fine together.

Sophie Matthews Townsend
Sophie Townsend Matthews

Both work. Slight preference for Townsend Matthews

Personally I'd never change my name and always glad to hear of a woman who's kept hers. Because it's still weirdly rare. I think it's something like 90% of women change their name upon marrying.

Merge the two and create a new family name Hewsen.

What about children in the future? I’d want them to have the same name as both parents so either we need the same name or to hyphenate future kids names which just seems mean!

Townsend Matthews sounds better then the other way round.
It’s fine. I’ve definitely heard worse.

Townsend-Matthews sounds fine, I agree the other way round is a harder thing to say and matthew-townsend is easier. It only sounds weird as you're not used to it.

Won’t your HTB agree to hyphenate his name too to match yours?
If he won’t make that compromise there isn’t a hope in hell I’d be changing my name, and the kids would have my name too.

If you go with Townsend Matthews, and Matthews is your name, and you want your future kids and both of you to have the same last name, your partner would be the one who would have to change his name. Would he agree to that?

He’s happy to hyphenate too, but we both think it’s a bit odd sounding.

Townsend Matthews works. The other way round doesn’t.

They go well together and are both lovely in their own right.

It's a long sound but so what.

Ladies name should go first - or so I was always told.
Expect people to pick one and use only that. It will always be the last one.

See I’m Matthews, he’s Townsend. Glad people don’t think it sounds that odd though, maybe we just go for it.

Then your fiance has to commit to changing too. Tbh I don't see the fuss, I would each keep our own names then hyphenate the kids. My kids have my last name and my DH couldn't care less, it's not as big a deal as it probably feels right now so go for what you're happy with

We have hyphenated our names and thought it would be rather long and clunky, but the two names are easy to spell though so it worked out okay. Think Smith-Henderson type name.

We get called both Smith and Henderson individually, people don't automatically go with the first or last.

They sound fine together. It's not like you're Oven-Cockburn.

Don't take his surname. Why are you only considering double barrelling or YOU taking his?

Merging the two is amusing. Mathsend or Townhews!

I think double barrelling is a bit mad unless you're a) Spanish or b) merging two historically notable houses together. Either keep your name and then give any children one surname with the other as a middle name, or all pick one.

Honestly I kind of prefer his name to my own. Especially when paired with the future baby name list we have. I’m also not close to my dad so feel no real tie to my surname it’s just there I don’t care for it really.

I’m also not close to my dad so feel no real tie to my surname it’s just there I don’t care for it really.

Totally up to you what you decide to do of course, but in my experience it's only women who say this. Men who aren't close to their dads rarely change their name because of it. Because they see it as their own name.

They both sound fine, either way round. As for the 'ladies' name should go first, that's bollocks, that's just a way of saying his is the 'proper' surname; you are a woman and man of equal importance.

My husband and I have double barrelled and hyphenated our names and they are not short (similar to yours) but love having both names and our own family name (plus sharing the first half of my daughter's name).

Just take his name then? I don’t see the issue tbh and I think the two sound clunky and long together. Also people will often use only the second surname.

I like Matthew's Townsend too.

@Indierecord I let go of my surname in my first marriage for the same reasons op , I didn't have a good relationship with my father also. I regretted it though and my older two children have the last name of absent exh as a result. I know you feel like this won't happen to you , but it could. So please consider keeping your name and giving it to future children in some way. It's your name , it's not borrowed from a man.

Excellent point.

You don't have to hyphenate future surnames. My youngest has both our names as surnames but goes by my surname for day to day living.

What I always find weird about the "Oh, his name is much nicer than mine" comment so many women come up is how come their own mothers didn't feel like that?