Why is EVERYONE irl secretive about their baby names?

[Razorcroft]

I understand people might have loaded reactions when you share your potential names- but if you love it, and it’s an actual name, who cares?

If you call your child that anyway, anyone who is going to be unkind about what you have called them will do so anyway. Some threads on here are a testament to that!

When people asked me about names, I’d say ‘we like x, y and z- but we’ll see what she looks like.’ Didn’t see the point in hiding it, one of them might have been her name. We liked them, had researched them and wouldn’t have wobbled because someone saying ‘oh I went to school with a horrible [name]’. It would have all been irrelevant. Our baby, our choice. In fact, we had lots of nice comments that made us more confident in our choices.

My newly pregnfriend recently tried to talk to me about names to me in allusive terms ‘ohhhh we like two names but I’m not sure about one at the moment, DH thinks people might think it is odd’. I didn’t initiative the conversation, or pester her- I just didn’t get the mystery for such a long, drawn out conversation that she initiated.

but this isn’t rare- ALL of the couples I have known to have DC have wanted to talk extensively about the fact they had chosen names or had a list, but then didn’t want to share the name. It’s been the same with every couple….’oh, we have a list….’, followed by the extensive pros and cons of each, then a pursed lip and a slight smirk, ‘oh, we aren’t sharing the names…’

If you don’t want to discuss it….then don’t?

This turning to a bit of AIBU. I’m sorry!!!

But if you wanted to discuss baby names without saying the name….why? Please educate me because I feel like a massive name grinch thinking all of my friends are being horribly precious.

@TwistTheRibs , about better to hear it before naming the baby? It doesn't work like that on here.

I think for my OH decided on a name, I wasn't sure but it was a grower and now her name. whilst it was just outside the top 100 names I didn't want the comments.

Also if we'd started calling my bump 'Amelia' but she came out and we felt the name wasn't right so we called her 'Sophia' instead it wouldnt be a problem.

My girl is Elisabeth too-I felt the need to say "with an s" as if that would have any influence on people's opinion!

Exactly this

People feel it's acceptable to be rude about a babies name before it's born. Once it's born people are a lot less likely to pass judgement

All of the above... Because most names are objectively fine, but won't be everyone's taste. And if I'm going to name my child, I don't know, Jacob (say), I don't need to know that my friend taught a horrible child called Jacob, or that it makes my other friend think of Jacob's crackers, or that my cousin thinks it's a bit boring and have I considered Jaxon, etc. I also don't need to see anyone smiling politely and saying "oh, that's nice" about it.

I do think it's important to do some due diligence, like "is there a notorious person with this full name", "will people pronounce it the way I expect", and so on. But that's what internet forums are for!

I don’t know OP but it annoys me too. Most people I wouldn’t ask about it until they volunteer the information themselves but one or two close friends who I asked were weird about it so now I don’t ask anyone about their thoughts on potential names.

@Whiskerson , exactly.

It amazes me the ones who insists that they have a four year old Jacob/Julia/Ellie-May and nobody has ever called then Jake/Jules/Ellie. Somebody will.

It's a superstition thing for me

In case I lost the baby, I didn't want to have to name it and then not be able to use a name I love for my next, living child.

People have posted asking for opinions on their choice of name. When that happens I will comment saying whether I like it or not.

That is the point of such threads so I agree with this.

When I was pregnant I foolishly told my sister (who has a history of copying everything I do) that if it was a boy it would be called something like James William and if it was a girl it would be something like Angela May.

Had boy, called him James William. Sister (who started ttc the week I had my baby) then had a girl and called it Angela May. I’m not sure if she deliberately copied, or if it was subconscious, but I definitely regret mentioning the name I’d chosen.

We tried for years but were never able to have more children so perhaps you think it doesn’t matter that sister took the name. However there’s a particularly painful sting whenever I see / hear the name Angela May as it still feels like mentioning the ghost of the daughter I never had.

These are the reasons

The other person may say, oh that is my baby name

They may say; oh I hate that name

Best not to know either of those things

For me it’s because I don’t want anyone putting me off the name I have chosen.
it’s so hard to find a name you love, that if someone mentions they have a horrible association with it, it can put you off too.
For example I suggested a name on here that I wanted, and someone said ‘that sounds like you’re saying…* and from then on that’s all I could think of when I heard it.

plus, keeping the name to yourself, and announcing it once the baby has arrived is part of the excitement! I kept my daughters name to myself, and told my family in the minutes after she was born, and they cried because I’d used some family names and it made it so much sweeter 😊

It's just nice to surprise family! I always find it disappointing when people tell me the name and sex before birth, I like a good surprise.

No reason for cryptic conversations though. Either one keeps it quiet, or not.

I used to think this
ohhhh its so OTT.

i told ONE person about 1-2m before i knew i was pregnant if we have a boy its going to X and also why i wanted that name. She was 6 weeks pregnant at the time. She went oh thats nuce and heard nothing more until....
We visit her and the baby and it transpires she used it for her son who was born 2 months before mine, then looked me in the face and pretended she didnt remember any part of the conversation ARGHHHHH!

The bit that is nuts is we picked it as it is my DEAD FATHERS name. Which she knew. She then had the audacity to act surprised and pretend to not recall our conversation and fall over herself saying she hopes we dont mind... bit fucking late when you've registered the birth and he is a month old.
Her husband was 💯 more sheepish and basically told my dh privately that he was sorry the name they initially wanted people / their family thought was a joke name so they picked ours as it sounded similar and his wife just decided she wanted it, as the joke name had same first two letters so similar sounding

Off the top my head i could think of 3 other names that sound similar but arent MY DEAD FATHERS NAME
It about as unusual as Johan but think
Johan - not dads real name
John
Joseph
Joshua
jonathan

We see them regularly and one of our other friends started to say "Johan 2" in reference to our child and saw my husbands face and tried to style it out as johan too! And then said it was a lovely name... we explained what happened and yes we did think it was a nice name and after they finished being like 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 they didnt call our ds "2" any more.

This is why you dont tell people your names

I told my mum my preferred girls name and she said,"you can't call her that!" I did but I never forgot it. Next baby, only announced once she'd arrived.

What the op is saying is that the parents to be are initiating the conversation. She isn’t asking and them replying we are not telling anyone.
In this case they are behaving in that annoying way people do when they say ‘ I know a secret.’ Then proceed to tell you that they cannot share it under any circumstances. Why bother then? What is the point? Just don’t say anything at all.
I also agree that having a big song and dance with a gender reveal party takes away a lot of the surprise so maybe keeping the bane a big secret is the only thing they can think of.