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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

AIBU to use a name I don't love?

47 replies

RomaniIteDomum · 10/09/2023 06:45

DS is 5 and is autistic with a severe speech delay.
I have a shortlist of five names for DC2 (a girl).

My top name (love) would be incredibly difficult for him to pronounce.

My second choice I like a lot but not as much as my top choice.

The difference is I know for certain DS can pronounce it.

Should I just get over the other name to include him in this as much as possible.

OP posts:

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WaltzingWaters · 10/09/2023 06:48

Aww a tough choice. Is there a nickname to the favourite name your ds would be able to use?

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 10/09/2023 06:52

Don't exclude DS, use the second name.

bicky · 10/09/2023 06:55

I’d pick your favourite and let him use a nickname

ColonelSpondleClagnut · 10/09/2023 07:34

I chose a name I didn't love (but my DH did) and now it suits DC better than I ever would have thought. So it might be that you come to love it :)

Original poster

RomaniIteDomum · 10/09/2023 07:39

ColonelSpondleClagnut · 10/09/2023 07:34

I chose a name I didn't love (but my DH did) and now it suits DC better than I ever would have thought. So it might be that you come to love it :)

Definitely had that with DS. His name was also second choice as DH HATED my first choice.

Now couldn't imagine him being anything else and we get so many compliments as it "normal" but very unusual for his age group.

OP posts:

RomeoandJomeo · 10/09/2023 07:43

Is it likely that your son will be able to pronounce the name you love in the future? Many older siblings are unable to pronounce a new baby's name when it arrives.

MariaVT65 · 10/09/2023 07:43

YANBU. I think it’s also good to use a practical name. There are names I love for my baby girl but we’ve decided not to go with them because of issues with pronunciation and spelling etc.

Original poster

RomaniIteDomum · 10/09/2023 07:50

RomeoandJomeo · 10/09/2023 07:43

Is it likely that your son will be able to pronounce the name you love in the future? Many older siblings are unable to pronounce a new baby's name when it arrives.

No it's not likely. He has severe speech issues related to being autistic.

OP posts:

Itsjustme83 · 10/09/2023 07:50

Ny Nephew has never called his Sister by her name he's always had a nickname for her that's nothing like her name and even tho he can now say her name he still calls her by the nickname.

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 10/09/2023 07:52

It's worth considering that siblings often use nicknames or pet names for each other too. My sisters and I rarely use our 'Sunday' names for each other.
My nephew was just reminding my DD that she had a cute mispronunciation of his name for years. Often those mispronunciations stick as nicknames too.
Whatever name you use, you'll grow to love it.

CurlewKate · 10/09/2023 08:00

Choose the one your ds can say, no question.

Lovestinksyeahyeah · 10/09/2023 08:21

None of my kids have ever called each other by their actual names. Catherine was ‘coo coo’ which turned into ‘cookie’ and now they are a bit older he calls her ‘cooks’ and it’s very sweet! In turn shes come up with her own pet names for him. So I would go for your first name.
also with my son I thought really hard about what it could be shortened to. All his mates call him by a short version of his surname! Eg ‘Harry Robinson’ to Robbie (not that in real life but similar)
so don’t think we have much power over names in the long run and that can be quite nice.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/09/2023 08:24

Do they work well as 2ndchoice 1stchoice surname? It possible he'll come up with his own nickname. Does he have the understanding for you to ask him which he likes the most? If you ask him to say the 1stchoice does he say something that would work as a nickname?

Garlicbreadisonfire · 10/09/2023 08:24

Hi OP, We had our heart set on a name then found our Older DS couldn't pronounce it properly so we changed it. As much as I love the name we went with instead, I reeeaaally regret not choosing the first one! As it turns out both my DCs have nicknames for each other anyway!

Milkand2sugarsplease · 10/09/2023 08:25

Da2 can't pronounce ds1's name yet - not sure whether he ever will, time will tell, but he's given him his own nickname and we've all started using it so I suspect it's here to stay regardless of whether ds2's speech develops.

2chocolateoranges · 10/09/2023 08:30

I could only ever use a name we both loved. I nearly settled on a name dh loved but I liked, we had agreed that was the name and then a week before she was due I told him I didn’t love it and we changed it to a name we both loved.

dd couldn’t say her brothers name, she called him a nickname until she could pronounce it.

Original poster

RomaniIteDomum · 10/09/2023 08:33

Both names work with our surname.

He's not got enough awareness to have a preference and isn't the sort to do nicknames - everything has a proper name.

OP posts:

MariePaperRoses · 10/09/2023 08:34

As a very young child I couldn't say the G in George so my uncle was Uncle Gorge!

My daughter couldn't pronounce her brothers name so die a few years he was just 'Brother!'!

Use the name you wan and he will call her by something that he can pronounce.

Don't deny her a lovely name.

continentallentil · 10/09/2023 10:01

Could you think of a nn for the name you want?

if not, yes use the second one. If he can’t say his sister’s name long term that’s going to be grim. Although lots of toddlers can’t say their younger sibling names for a bit.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/09/2023 10:50

RomaniIteDomum · 10/09/2023 08:33

Both names work with our surname.

He's not got enough awareness to have a preference and isn't the sort to do nicknames - everything has a proper name.

Then honestly I'd name her the one he can say. It will mean more to her growing up her bother can name her than how much you loved the name when you had her x

Original poster

RomaniIteDomum · 10/09/2023 13:43

Don't deny her a lovely name.

Both names are lovely. Just that this was second on my list rather than first.

OP posts:

Original poster

RomaniIteDomum · 10/09/2023 13:44

If he can’t say his sister’s name long term that’s going to be grim. Although lots of toddlers can’t say their younger sibling names for a bit.

He's not a toddler. He's 5 and a half.

He didn't speak at all until about 18 months ago.

OP posts:

KnobbingtonKnobberson · 10/09/2023 13:46

I'd go for the second choice.

It's your second favourite, so still a lovely name, and her brother will be able to pronounce it! No brainer.

FTB2023 · 10/09/2023 13:52

I'd go for the 2nd name.
You say both are lovely and you already know how it becomes their name once it's in place.
Enabling your ds to say his sister's name is a precious reason for choosing #2.

SheilaFentiman · 10/09/2023 13:57

Agree to go for the second name. If you or DH had a lisp, say, you would work around it.

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