Upset by name predicament

[Jammysponges]

DH and I are expecting a baby boy in May, we’ve had a hard time rounding down names we mutually like.
DH has suggested one he is very keen on, I have one I’m very keen on and made clear from the ttc days. My name choice has sentimental value to me and I always wanted to use it for a baby one day, obviously dependent on the father agreeing. His choice was plucked from a website after a 5 minute read.
Now I do like his name choice, but I don’t feel like it’s the one. I know I don’t get to override his choice and shouldn’t automatically be able to use my name as I know he doesn’t feel like that’s the one either, but the baby will have 2 sentimental middle names from his family side and also his surname, so I’d hope to get a bit more say for that reason.
I don’t want to dramatise the situation, but I equally don’t want my son to have a name I don’t love when I’ve already agreed to middle names I don’t love. If I push for my name choice I worry that I’ve taken control of our son and left DH with no choice but to accept my final say.
Im hormonal already and feeling rough with HG so please be gentle if you feel I’m over reacting or being selfish.

So you need to find a third name you both love. Both can veto the others and that’s fine.

Scrap one of his middle names, use your fav name as first middle name and then agree on another name for first name.

YANBU

Why can't your preferred name (which also has sentimental value) be used as a middle name instead of one of DH's chosen middle names?

I would be pushing to have the final say on the first name if DH is getting to chose both middle names. If he isn't happy with that then I would ask if he is happy to use your preferred name instead of one of the middle names he has chosen. If he won't agree to that either then he sounds like a selfish nob!

Thanks everyone, good suggestions, I will challenge the middle names to compromise.
Forgot to add he already told his family we’re planning to use his chosen name without asking me if I agreed first. I only know as my sister in law text me to say “great name choice.”

Don't agree to any name just yet. He's not due for about 9 weeks.
When he is born, tell your DH that the baby is called Name and as you carried him and birthed him, it's your choice.

That's awful of him to text his sister! So he's planning to choose ALL THREE names (plus his surname)? You need to put your foot down OP. Either you carry on looking for a name you both love or you get to choose the middle name or some other compromise.

give him the choice of using your name choice as th e first name, or scrapping one of his middle names and use yours as a middle name, then choose a different first name together.

He's taking the piss. Correct the sister.

I think you should find a name you both like and agree on. Your husband should not be picking all the names and expect you to give in. I certainly wouldn’t!

At the same time, you can’t really use the name you like unless he also likes it. So you might both need to go back to the drawing board and find names you agree on.

Well, if the baby gets four names, you should both like them all and you should both have a favourite name in the mix.
Correct your SIL and remind DH that you will finalise the name when baby is a week old and you know him.

Very underhand of dh telling his family. Post birth text everyone your choice. Until men give birth imo women get the final say..

It’s his child too. Surely picking a name they both agree on makes more sense than railroading.

@Jammysponges your DH was an idiot to tell his family the name. Tell his sister and him that it’s not happening. Then try to work together.

This 💯

@AvoNw , he got to pick 2 middle names, and the surname is presumably his.
He decided on a first name after 5 mins, she has always wanted to use a name and it has sentimental value to her. Hardly railroading.

Why does anyone chose names let alone tell anyone before baby is here. I’m far too paranoid to do that. You both have to be equally happy so I’d try and find some other choices

We have no idea what the surname is. Middle names are going to be shared now OP’s decided so and she’s going to use the sentimental name as a middle name.

The best choice obviously is to agree on the full name - first, middles and surname - jointly.

At the moment the DH seems to be pushing his own agenda, which is shit of him. The answer isn’t for the OP to retaliate though. Be adults and work it out together.

If he doesn’t agree to use the name you like then I’d say drop the middle names he has chosen. Quite frankly I wouldn’t give a child a surname that isn’t mine but that’s your choice.
No way would I let him choose 2 middle names and surname.
You both need to agree on ALL names. Choose names you both like rather than names one of you loves but the other dislikes.

Woah!!! So the baby gets three names from your OH's family - two middle names and surname... - and he begrudges you the first name just because he isn't mad about it?

This is all out of whack. Stick with your favourite first name.

I didn't, and I frequently regret it. How can it be fair that the child gets three names from his side, and nothing of your choice?

@AvoNw , did you miss this part of the OP?
but the baby will have 2 sentimental middle names from his family side and also his surname, so I’d hope to get a bit more say for that reason.

and this bit
My name choice has sentimental value to me and I always wanted to use it for a baby one day, obviously dependent on the father agreeing. His choice was plucked from a website after a 5 minute read.

I did miss the surname part, thanks!

Did you miss
Thanks everyone, good suggestions, I will challenge the middle names to compromise.

Nope. I’ve said twice now the DH is being shit.

I agree with you @AvoNw . I'm imagining the names are something like Nathaniel vs Jaxxon, but I'm probably way off.