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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Am I bad mum if I still can’t call my daughter her name?

39 replies

Chubbycheekslg · 25/01/2023 17:00

I’ve struggled with my whole birthing experience, nothing went to plan for me including my daughters name.

She’s 11 months old, and I refer to her as babs or beautiful, everyone else refers to her as her name so there’s no confusion for her. I’ve even had it tattooed to accept it, but yet I still can’t say it. I’m in therapy currently, but I guess I’m just wanting an opinion on whether I’m a bad mum since I can’t call her her name?

OP posts:

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Ameadowwalk · 25/01/2023 22:28

In terms of whether you change the name, would you feel better if she just did not have that first name, because it reminds you of the trauma and your partner ignoring your joint wishes (an odd thing to do on his part)?
If you can still change it, I would do so. your DD needs to know that you love her name and wanted her to have it.
Once she has the jointly selected name, there is still no pressure to actually say it because you know she has got it, calling her beautiful or babs is just fine.
Hopefully that makes sense.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/01/2023 22:30

change the name

i really hope the long version of the story has your partner in a better light- because the short version he sounds a controlling vile individual who took advantage at your lowest.

CrazyBiscuits · 25/01/2023 22:46

Sounds like you associate her name with the difficult time you went through at the time of her birth maybe? Must have been difficult for your dh at the time too. If he's happy for you to change the name then why not just do that.
It doesn't make you a bad mum, it makes you a person that went through a difficult experience and is still recovering from it. Everyone's experience is different and many aren't as rosy painted as many make out.
I hope you manage to change it with your dhs support and hopefully it will lift a weight off of shoulders and help you to move on.

MisschiefMaker · 25/01/2023 23:05

You need to take control of this by changing her name.

What your DH did was fucking AWFUL.

Sealover123 · 08/07/2023 23:57

Do you love your daughter? Are you taking care of her? Then yes you are a good mum! It sounds like you're struggling with anxiety but don't be so hard on yourself xx
You should have some input over the name, you gave birth to her after all. If you decide to change it then don't wait too long.

Wishitsnows · 09/07/2023 00:03

You sound like an incredible mum. You partner however?! What an absolute asshole. Why would he do that after what you had been through

fairycupcakes · 09/07/2023 00:15

Yeah I’m dumbfounded that considering you ended up so poorly that your partner just went with his preferred name rather than the one you chose together… no wonder you’re struggling with it after all you went through. Has he apologised or accepted any responsibility for how you’re feeling regarding baby’s name? It’s not too late to change it and baby will get used to it as will everyone else failing that if the middle name is one you agreed to and love then use that. Best of luck @Chubbycheekslg x

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 09/07/2023 00:16

So you'd both agreed a name that you liked, but when you were at your lowest most vulnerable, weakest point, he decided to switch the name to the one he preferred?

Never mind not being able to say her name, I wouldn't be able to look at him. How awful of him to take advantage of your situation like that.

I completely understand why this is so hard for you. There are so many layers to this and underneath it all is your trauma. You poor love. I hope you're able to heal from this in time.

iminvestednow · 09/07/2023 00:17

I’ve got a teenager and can count on one hand how many times I’ve used her full name! We are a family of nicknames! I think the name issue might be indicative of different issues? How old is your child and why on earth did you get a name you weren’t happy with tattooed on your body? (This might be a bit biased as I have issues with tattoos but acknowledge what people do with their bodies has nothing to do with me!)

DietrichandDiMaggio · 09/07/2023 08:47

Why did someone decide to resurrect this thread after 6 months? Other posters are now responding to the OP as if it's recent.

TedEsMum · 09/07/2023 20:38

Your partner is being grossly unfair to you right now,by adding the name issue to everything else you are dealing with as a new mother, but it's very good that you recognize the need for therapy to get you beyond postpartum flare-ups. Call her what's comfortable for YOU; if HE has an issue with the name YOU'RE using,then invite him to attend therapy with you.

seahorsesandmermaids · 10/07/2023 17:15

I can't use my own full name due to trauma.
I always go by the shortened version, but others (who don't know me) will automatically call me the full version before I tell them.
It sends shivers down my spine and makes me want to throw up.

Jellycats4life · 10/07/2023 17:18

Your partner completely betrayed you when you were at your most vulnerable. What a shitty thing to do.

Mamalamadrama · 11/07/2023 20:59

Is there a nickname or shorter version of her name you can use.

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