4 names with a side of regret

[18yroldhelp]

Hello, I am aware this is not your typical post however I didn’t know where else to put it. My DD18, has decided that she would like to change her name as she doesn’t like her current one. She has waited a year to do so and would like my help picking her new name. I love all the options and I am struggling to pick one. All help appreciated.

Elizabeth - her middle name is Elizabeth and she likes Liz/Lizzie as a NN
Alice - her dads favourite
Rose - my favourite
Victoria - not much of a reason for this one

Are these all options she has chosen herself?

Yes - these are all names chosen by herself. All of them but Victoria are from our family tree as that was important for her.

I changed my name legally, and it does make life easier if you include one that you were given originally (eg the Elizabeth).

It would also be easier if she didn’t go down the legal route and could still be Name, known as Alice. Is she set on a deed poll?

Elizabeth seems the obvious choice as it is actually her name already. Then she can just say she uses her middle name (should anyone ask).

Elizabeth. The fact that she already likes the nicknames implies to me that she's already bought into this name and can see herself with it.

If her middle name is Elizabeth I say go with that. For a start could she not go by this without all formalities? Either way its a name that has been with her since birth and that you chose for her as a middle name so think its the best option

My nanas name was Elizabeth but her middle name was Anne and she was always known as Anne by everyone

What is it she dislikes about her current name? That might help in deciding the new one. I do also agree with pp though that going with her middle name could be the most straight forward option. Elizabeth is great and has lots of nickname options as she gets older.

She is set on a deed poll as she hates her first name. She has mentioned how badly she hates it for years now. She has a NN for all of the names minus Victoria, which she isn’t too sure on.

She thinks it’s too masculine - I chose a unisex name.

I have lots of clients who use their middle names (or a variation) in everyday life. They were either named after a member of their immediate family, so use the middle name to stop confusion, or dislike their first name. The least difficult option is just using her middle name (or a derivative of) because she won't need to change legal documents.
My own DS uses a derivative of his first name and this appears on his driving licence, all his occupational qualifications including his degree. The only things he can't change, without going through the legal side, are his passport and birth certificate!

Ah okay. I think she should go for Elizabeth then! Definitely feminine and it’s still a name you chose

In that case I’d recommend going with her middle name, and she has a perfectly good reason for dropping her first name if she is asked about it (which she very likely will be, I was most recently asked about my name change when applying for a new job).

Technically you can change your name to whatever you want for whatever reason you like, but people will ask about it so it helps to be able to explain and explain the reasons for the name you chose.

I would go for Elizabeth, because she already has a nickname she likes and it is already her middle name so it's not like she's changing her name completely. I think telling people that she's decided to use her middle name from now on is easier to explain than just choosing a brand new name.

That said, if she prefers one of the other options, she should choose that one!

All the names on her shortlist are very classic and should age gracefully with her as she gets older. She can't really go wrong with any of them.

I would go with Elizabeth as it's already her middle name.I know lots of people who go by their middle name rather than their given first name.

It really has to be her choice. Tell her you love them all and will support her whatever she chooses. You've said in here which is your favourite and Dad has said the same so she knows that already. The rest is on her.

Is she already going be one of these names?

With saying she’s disliked it for years has she already adopted a new name in day to day use or a nickname?

Elizabeth seems the obvious choice given it fits the criteria she has, but the fact she didn’t immediately choose this and chose to make a list of names would suggest there’s maybe something holding her back from it?

I wouldn't encourage her to change her name. It will cause lots of drama with certificates, diplomas and so on. Also most people grow to like their name. I'm in my 20s now but as a teenager I hated my name for a short time, it's normal.

She will likely regret it and then have to change her name on everything again. I'd really save her from this ordeal.

If she likes her middle name she can just go by her middle name. No need for an official name change and all the drama. Just call her Elizabeth from now on.

I like Alice best but in her case I'd just switch to my middle name.

I find Victoria slightly dated and Rose is everyone's middle name.

It looks like none of the names are for her. She needs to go back to the baby books and look again. When changing your name it has to feel right, and these don't, which is why she's asking around.

She needs to pretend she's introducing herself to people. Signing off letters and cards, doing job applications and the new name should feel right for all situations. Shes not found it yet.

Elizabeth makes the most sense to me

Elizabeth/Liz/Lizzie sounds like it would be the least hassle.

Elizabeth because she wouldn't have to deal with the faff of legally changing anything

Agree with using the middle name - my grandma's name is Ethel June and nobody has ever known her by any name other than June 🤷‍♀️ might make things easier

I agree. It's the daughter's decision, of course, and always good when parents are supportive.

But usually when people really hate their name they go by something else for a longer period of time and then change it. The fact that she didn't do that would make me think that maybe it was just a phase and a year isn't long.

I also know how annoying it is to make changes to diplomas as I had to do it once due to a spelling error. It was months of running back and forth and speaking to all kinds of people and waiting in rooms and going back to the city I graduated in. Not sure if that is the same everywhere but I would really want to spare my child this ordeal.

I think letting her go by Elizabeth, her middle name, for now without any official changes is a good idea.

She is obviously 18 and can make her own decisions but when I was roughly that age if I had had my parents' permission and the money I would have had a nose job, a boob job and a new name and I would regret all of these things now.

I have a friend who has gone by his middle name since he was 18 - no need to change any bank / legal documents etc.

I would heavily suggest she goes by Elizabeth for at least a year before doing deed poll. I know people who have regretted it and changed back, even when they've hated their given name for years! They thought they be happier when called their new name, but they weren't & didn't feel like themselves either!