4 names with a side of regret

[18yroldhelp]

Hello, I am aware this is not your typical post however I didn’t know where else to put it. My DD18, has decided that she would like to change her name as she doesn’t like her current one. She has waited a year to do so and would like my help picking her new name. I love all the options and I am struggling to pick one. All help appreciated.

Elizabeth - her middle name is Elizabeth and she likes Liz/Lizzie as a NN
Alice - her dads favourite
Rose - my favourite
Victoria - not much of a reason for this one

She has tried out Rose and Elizabeth - those are her two favourites. She says she loves both Rose and Elizabeth however the one thing she isn’t too sure about is needing a new middle name if she used Elizabeth.

What about Elizabeth Rose? Sounds nice to me!

I’ll be sure to forward that onto her! She has narrowed it down to either Elizabeth or Rose after saying she can’t imagine herself an Alice or a Victoria.

Does she need a middle name?

I only use mine in an official capacity for legal documents etc.

In every day life I don’t use my middle name at all and I doubt many people in my life, other than close friends even know what my middle name is.

Agree Elizabeth Rose sounds like a lovely name.

I hated my unisex name at 18 and would’ve willingly changed it, but I have a dreadful middle name so didn’t want to use that. Instead I changed one letter in my name (shortened version of name) and within a year or two had changed it back.

Don’t really know what I’m trying to say here, I firmly believe she has the right to change her name if she wishes and perhaps if I had I would feel differently now, however I now love my name, it is classic and works for everything, I am very glad I didn’t change it.

I know a lot of people who use middle names as first name and I had always assumed it was their name
It was pretty common to do that years ago apparently

Elizabeth - it’s her middle name and it’s an easy organic change. It’s also the nicest of the bunch with loads of nns. Lizbie is a nice one, more unusual than Lizzy.

Alice and Rose are fine but oh so overused.

Victoria will inevitably end with her being called Vic or Vicky, which aren’t great - although Vita is nice.

Alice

Elizabeth makes the most sense and would involve the least questioning about what happened. Lovely name, definitely feminine, and she likes Liz/Lizzie.

However, I love Alice.

Not keen on Rose or Victoria at all. Both scream aspidistra to me, and not in a good way.

She could do with Elizabeth Rose if she used Elizabeth,

Or reverse her current names if she wanted to be gracious.

Elizabeth makes the most sense

Quite weird to want to change it legally - if she wants to go by something else she can.

also weird to discuss “not being able to imagine herself a Victoria or a Rose”

she does realise she’ll still be the same person, whatever her legal name is?

anything going on beneath this do you think, eg is she happy with herself more broadly? I kind of feel you should be focusing on that rather than suggesting names - “my favourite” “her dads favourite”. Especially when you two have already had a bite at the naming apple!

I would go with Elizabeth, nn Lizzie or Libby .

Seems a bit dramatic 🤨

Doesn't sound like she'll regret it at all. And the effort will likely be worth it in her case. She won't have as much paperwork as you or I would to change and she's old enough to know her own mind.

Oh and u vote Elizabeth

It was dramatic.

How do you know she won't have as much paperwork?

Apart from that she doesn't have a clear idea what to change it to so it seems more like a phase than a "I'm not an XY, I'm an Elizabeth".

Another vote for Elizabeth Rose, that's lovely. My cousin changed her name from Jane to Florence at 18 and never regretted it even though lots of people told her she would and she shouldn't be rash. She's 35 now still in love with her name.

Also, sorry she hates her name OP, that has to have stung a little bit!

My DD has changed her name, she is 14. She is known as her new name everywhere including school, but I haven't changed it legally. I told her she could change it herself when she was an adult if she wanted to (obviously, I couldn't stop her).

In contrast to the OP DD, she has changed from a female name to a fairly gender neutral one, although I would still say it is more associated with females than males.

A reasonable presumption (not a certainty) based on her age and the fact that I did the same at her age.

My experience was different from yours and I would appreciate if you would accept that. It's not the same for everyone.

I only had to make changes to a single diploma (and I guess OPs daughter has at least one diploma to adjust) due to a spelling error yet it was immensely stressful and took months because several people needed to sign it who were often not in for weeks and I needed the original for an application. I wouldn't wish that stressful time on anyone and that was only a spelling error the place that had issued the diploma had made.

By the way, many UK universities now refuse to change names on already issued diplomas unless you changed your name due to a sex change or prior to graduating. So that could be another issue. In other places things might be easier.

I don't think anyone said they wouldn't accept your personal experiences 🤨

It's not personal you know

I hated my name at 18
now I’m fine with it and glad I didn’t change it, obviously that may not be her experience but was mine.
elizabeth is the obvious choice.
I’d suggest she just start using it as her name for a year or so before legally changing it, and check it sits right for her when she introduces herself to new people, or if she misses the old name.
or even just a few months if she’s reluctant to wait a year

She should just go by her middle name "Elizabeth" and not bother legally changing her name.

It is more common then people realise for people to use their middle names. Some people because they prefer it, and others to avoid confusion e.g. because multiple people in their family with the same first name.

I actually know plenty of people in rl including my own family who go by their middle name. In some cases including family I don't even know until they told me that that wasn't their first name.

In fact we have two PMs in a row who have gone by their middle names - Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson and Mary Elizabeth Truss. Then there are a comedians e.g. Jonathan Romesh Ranganathan, actors e.g. Laura Jeanne Reese Witherspoon, pop stars e.g. James Paul McCartney, Robyn Rihanna Fenty, authors e.g. Joseph Rudyard Kipling, media barons e.g. Keith Rupert Murdoch etc

Btw in Romesh Ranganathan's case he didn't realise his first name was Jonathan until he saw his birth certificate as a teenager.

I love Alice, personally. But if she prefers Elizabeth she should go with that. It's hard to go wrong with a name like Elizabeth.