Comments about names that you just don’t get

[jrt2022]

On mumsnet, I always see the same comments repeated about certain names, and while some I get, others I just can’t get my head around at all! For example:

On every thread asking about Lydia, someone mentioned ‘Lydia dustbin’. Lydia dustbin??? As in … lid of your dustbin, I assume but … WHY? Firstly - what about the lid of my dustbin? Also, loads of things have lids, so why only ‘lid of your dustbin’ in particular? Why not ‘lid of your jam jar’ or something. And even then - what about it? What is funny or interesting or bad about it? I just don’t get it.

There are loads of others but I don’t want to list them as I want to see what others think rather than just rant on about my own! So, any regularly thrown out comments to dismiss names that you think are weird/don’t make sense?

Interestingly I used to know 2 Steve Smith's who lived next door to each other. Occasionally got each others post.

Also experienced the "that's unusual" and "how posh" from an older relative. DD's name isn't common but it certainly isn't unusual (perhaps a bit posh, just in case she does want to be a high court judge 😂)

I also think people overstate the whole bullying thing, esp for names which sound unexceptional but are associated with a different generation.

I've seen people insisting that you CAN'T call a child Irene or Roy or Angela or Alison because "those are old fashioned names, they'll be bullied!!" No, they won't. Their parents might be a bit surprised, but all other kids will hear is a name that sounds rather similar to Iris, Rory, Anna or Alice (respectively), none of which would sound odd to their ears. The association won't exist for them.

I think it’s that people completely misunderstand what bullying is. Partly because they want to imagine they can protect their child by choosing the right name (see also the high court judge test 🤣).

children are not bullied because they wear glasses, their mum is ‘fat’, their hair is ginger, their name is Quetzalcoatl or whatever other pretext the bullies might be using. Lots of kids who wear glasses, have ‘fat’ mums, ginger hair, unusual names are not bullied and lots of kids who don’t fit any of the stereotypes of ‘the bullies’ are.

Bullying is about dysfunctional peer group dynamics. The best defence you can give your child against bullying is not a boring name; it’s helping them to develop a whole set of personal qualities and ways of responding to other children that reduces the likelihood of bullies finding them a worthwhile target, and supporting them as they navigate the social situations they find themselves in. You can’t guarantee this will prevent them from ever being bullied. But it’s a better strategy that many parents try whether they call their son Tom, Cormac or Gunther.

Unfortunately, the nature of a baby names board is such that people aren’t focusing on all that stuff. So they overestimate the effect of a name.

@SudocremOnEverything , i agree to a point but if you give a child an unusual name, it will mark them out as being a bit different. Kids will spot an opportunity to poke fun, if they are so inclined. They won't miss something like Loony Luna or calling Richard Dick, or ginger hair, or specs. Resilient children can nip potential bullying in the bud usually.

I was caught out by random humiliating comments in front of my friends or classmates. Had I had more resilience, I could have turned it round so that the bully humiliated herself.

The Luna DS2 goes to school with has never been teased as Looney Luna as far as I’m aware.

Genuinely, I just don’t think it’s about the name or the glasses or the hair.

Probably via the French form Margarite which has daisy like flowers

*children are not bullied because they wear glasses, their mum is ‘fat’, their hair is ginger, their name is Quetzalcoatl or whatever other pretext the bullies might be using. Lots of kids who wear glasses, have ‘fat’ mums, ginger hair, unusual names are not bullied and lots of kids who don’t fit any of the stereotypes of ‘the bullies’ are.

Bullying is about dysfunctional peer group dynamics. The best defence you can give your child against bullying is not a boring name; it’s helping them to develop a whole set of personal qualities and ways of responding to other children that reduces the likelihood of bullies finding them a worthwhile target, and supporting them as they navigate the social situations they find themselves in.*

I agree 100%.

In my experience at school the kids that were bullied were called Tom, Steve or Kate. They were easy targets regardless of their names or appearance.

Equally I know very confident kids and adults with very unusual names or other unusual traits who were always popular.

@SudocremOnEverything , as far as you are aware.
I had kids try with my name, my hair colour, my body shape, being a swot ... I managed to appear to ignore most of them, but the humiliating comments were not specifically about any of those.

I have a shit, stupid name that is very easy to turn into some childish insults. Do you know what? Literally no one has ever tried to bully me by doing so. Never.

I was tiny, a proper 80s ‘tomboy’, swotty (as in top set etc), wore glasses, all sorts of things. But I wasn’t bullied. Not for any of that.

In fact, it took me til my 30s to experience being bullied (by academic colleagues in a seriously dysfunctional university department). None of that was about my name either.

I know Luna’s mum. Luna does fine socially at school. No bullying issues.

@SudocremOnEverything , what I meant that a bully will try. Bear in mind that it not happening to you doesn't mean it won't happen to anyone else. A different thread has the name Aliannah on it - I don't think it would take long for kids to spot that the Alian part looks a bit like Alien.

Sil age 65. Can still get very worked up that she was given a name 3 other girls in her class was called. Her sons have top 10 names and her x had same.first and middle name.as her younger brother. Current guy has same.name.as older brother
But for her it was "traumatic' to be 1 of 4.

I am in my 50s I've never met another with my first name. Not traumatised. Don't mind spelling it. And it makes me laugh when people misspell my very easy Scottish surname (not a mac name) ds sends us regular Starbucks cup names the other day she had Enker rather than Enko (obviously not real name) fenker was my.persinal favourite.

Even normal names can be used by bullies if they use alliteration. That's the only memory I have of someone's name being used in a bullying way and it was a common name.

They won’t necessarily try. It really isn’t the case that schools are full of kids looking down the registers to find victims with names they can make fun of.

It’s a stretch to get to Alien from Aliannah. And still further to assume it would cause bullying. It’s not ‘spotting’ anything in any way obvious.

@SudocremOnEverything , you might think so, I don't.

The big one for me is people using "nickname" to mean "short form." I also think it is a mistake to try to insist on your child using or not using specific short forms - as a person with that sort of name myself, I think it is really annoying and hurtful not being allowed to use whatever version of your name you like.

The "he will be bullied" thing is overdone in my opinion. Yes, there are probably a very small handful of names that almost anyone would get teased about now and again, like Willy. Whether it tips over into bullying depends on how Willy, his friends and the school handle it. Worrying about whether a name could possibly be slightly similar to some fairly obscure word - I wouldn't bother. You can never predict what name might suddenly become associated with something good or bad. I wouldn't like to be a little girl called Liz right now but it wouldn't have been an issue a year ago.

And I don't agree with being disparaging about names for being either too conventional or too unconventional. I like or dislike names mainly just as a collection of sounds. One of my DC ended up with a traditional name that has since gone right out of fashion, the other with a name that sounded a bit old-fashioned at the time but has since become very popular. (Something along the lines of Peter and Alfie, but not those.) That's OK, they are different people so why should they have similar names?