Baby name regret

[JDF1611]

My daughter is 7 months and although we'd picked a name before she was born we weren't decided on the spelling. I preferred the more common spelling but it has various pronunciations, however the phonetic version seemed less pretty and more unusual so neither option was perfect.

I went into labour early, had a traumatic birth and was high on morphine after an emergency c section when DH pressured me to make a decision so he could make announcements. I chose the phonetic spelling.

To cut this long story short, I've been obsessing over it since. The name itself isn't incredibly common and I feel she's going to have a lifetime of correcting/spelling her name. I wish we'd picked a less unique name and one she wouldn't struggle with.

When she was 4 months we tried a nickname, a sort of shorter version of her name which I still really like however it didn't stick- none of the other family members used it and DH basically just avoided using her name all together.
DH thinks I have PND and need to get help, however I really don't know if that's the case or if it's just name regret that I cant get past. Every time someone struggles with her name it triggers me, I cant sleep and just have this horrible feeling of dread because of it. But I also feel if we change it, DH will never forgive me and we'll also feel some sadness over the name she's had for the last 7 months.
I really don't know what to do.

There is a possibility that you might have PND, so please speak to your GP regarding that.

Is the name something like Caitlin/Katelyn?

You can change a baby's name in the first year.

If you tell us the name this would be easier.

This sounds like PND to me :
do you have a name you'd like to use instead that you have heart 100% set on? Because if not you'll end up having the same thoughts about the next name I think. There'll be an issue that'll crop up that you hadn't anticipated.

Phonetic spelling is great - very sensible especially for less common names

Are you struggling with the fact that people mispronounce the name, or that people don't know how to spell it? Either way, you sound excessively anxious. I had similar feelings around one of my children's name which is very unusual. I winced every time someone didn't catch his name straight away. Child is 6 now and his name is a non-issue. Some people say, oh what a lovely name! Some people clearly don't like it but 99% of people don't care.
Looking back, I realise I was very unhappy during the first months, very anxious and stressed, and I focused my anxiety on that. It sounds like you are very anxious as well.

This

Following as I'm going through the same. Although my wobble is more around the name's origin (i think I spend too much time on here where people don't like English families with no other known heritage to use Scottish/Irish/Welsh names!) I made a thread on here and people were positive about it but I still keep obsessing. I still love the name but there was another I had my heart set on for a long time.. but DH didn't like it. Never knew the responsibility of choosing a name would be so hard. I can relate to how you feel (baby is 5 months).
If it helps my a name can be spelt in different ways and it's never bothered me to have to spell it out

The name is Elaina (more common spelling Elena). We tried Ella as a nickname

Ime using her name is taking you back to that horrific time.
Have you got any newborn photos to remind yourself the outcome was worth it and your dd is safe and well?
Lovely name btw...
I had a suspected heart attack post emcs. I know the things that go through your mind after a bad birth trust me.

Really Lovely name, how about you just pay the small fee ( if in uk) and change the spelling via deed pool to Elena?? There is absolutely nothing to struggle about saying/ pronouncing it reading the ELENA spelling in my opinion xx

Lovely name and I would spell it how you have spelt it.

I would continue with the NN if you like it OP. It doesn't really matter if it doesn't stick with family, when she starts nursery / school you can tell them she's known as Ella and will become that to all her friends / teachers etc. both are beautiful names.

Thank you all for your replies. It seems from my research since that overall the Elena spelling is preferred but it's 50/50 on whether people use our desired pronunciation (we obviously wanted eh-lay-na). My issues with Elaina are I've had people say it's not pretty, it looks misspelt, and we get a lot of Eliana or Elana :( DH grandmother calls her all sorts.. I'm so worried she's going to struggle all her life and it feels like such a big deal, I wish we'd picked something simpler it just feels far too late.
I do plan to contact the GP regarding PND. I think I have to admit to myself there's probably an element. I have terrible separation anxiety (have only tried leaving her twice for 15 mins) and constantly worried about not feeling like a good enough mum in general.
The name obsession just feels really all consuming.

The name is fine @JDF1611. I know one and I've always thought it's a pretty name.

Elena is more current but could be Ellen-a, Elaina, Eleena or El-enna, so your spelling makes sense.

Some people would struggle with any name (my friend Jill gets Gill, Gillian and Jillian).

The name does seem linked to some sort of issue though, so it might be an idea to address that issue, or change the name, or both

I much prefer your version. I think it’s a very pretty name spelt this way.
The other spelling looks blunt and I am never sure which pronunciation is correct.
I knew an Elaina who used the nickname Layna.

I would pronounce the name Elena as el-ena and Elaina in the way you want it to be pronounced… eh-lay-na - like Elaine but with an ‘a’ .

Don’t worry too much about it. It is easy to change the name if you wish to do so. If you choose to change you can formally make the change at a later date - there’s no rush.

I went to school with an Elaina and an Elena both pronounced E Lay Na.
To this day Elena gets called El La Na. It used to really annoy her.
Elaina has never had any issues.

I think you have to decide which bothers you more, the look of the name or people pronouncing it correctly.
There's no right or wrong answer, it's whatever turns out to be more important to you personally.

They are both beautiful namesi xx

Elaina is a lovely name! It's very feminine, very sweet for a little girl. I think the spelling and pronunciation is definitely not too difficult for people and when she's older she'll be able to correct them which isn't a big deal. Many people have tricky names and surnames and I doubt it makes much of an impact on their lives unless people are rude.

Do speak to your GP though, it sounds like your DH has noticed what you haven't and it's important to get checked out.

Definitely stick with Elaina, I think it’s spelt the way it should sound :)

Dont worry about family members getting it wrong, my MIL couldn’t say my daughters name for months and it’s not exactly hard. We have another DD on the way and have already decided on the name and MIL is already making a mess of it.

Prefer your spelling actually.. not seen it before but people will always pronounce it correctly. Really pretty name

Love the name and the spelling you’ve chosen, it’s a bit more modern. With respect I think you are getting too hung up on this. It’s a lovely name whichever version you had picked.

Also my mum is always pronouncing my sons name wrong. Annoying but I don’t let it bother me and at 8 months it’s his name now.

I really like the spelling Elaina and think it is a very pretty name. It does take the guesswork out of pronunciation. It's lovely.

I thought it would be something common with a “unique” spelling, like Caytee instead of Katie. I don’t think Elaina is a problem; as a pp said, it’s “Elaine with an a”. Elena tends to be pronounced more like Eleanor in the UK anyway.

I know an Elaina, I like the spelling as you've done it. It's sensible to do the phonetic spelling in my opinion.

The Elaina I know goes by Laney, I think they've told her school that's the name she uses as she is called it everywhere.

If you like Ella as a diminutive keep using it but I do think you should keep her full name as Elaina, it's not different enough to warrant the paperwork and Ella was so common only a few years ago when your dd gets older she might not want to be known as Ella and she has the choice.