Baby name regret

[JDF1611]

My daughter is 7 months and although we'd picked a name before she was born we weren't decided on the spelling. I preferred the more common spelling but it has various pronunciations, however the phonetic version seemed less pretty and more unusual so neither option was perfect.

I went into labour early, had a traumatic birth and was high on morphine after an emergency c section when DH pressured me to make a decision so he could make announcements. I chose the phonetic spelling.

To cut this long story short, I've been obsessing over it since. The name itself isn't incredibly common and I feel she's going to have a lifetime of correcting/spelling her name. I wish we'd picked a less unique name and one she wouldn't struggle with.

When she was 4 months we tried a nickname, a sort of shorter version of her name which I still really like however it didn't stick- none of the other family members used it and DH basically just avoided using her name all together.
DH thinks I have PND and need to get help, however I really don't know if that's the case or if it's just name regret that I cant get past. Every time someone struggles with her name it triggers me, I cant sleep and just have this horrible feeling of dread because of it. But I also feel if we change it, DH will never forgive me and we'll also feel some sadness over the name she's had for the last 7 months.
I really don't know what to do.

Elaina is fine OP. Easy to make sense of how it's said and Elena is often mistaken for el-en-uh anyway.

When confronted by Elena I always hesitate while trying to guess which way to pronounce it. Elaina is much more logical and I actually prefer the extra vowel as it looks more “ complete” somehow. If anyone asks how to spell it it’s quite simple to say, LikeElaine but ending with an A.

l pronouced it eh-lay-na when i saw your spelling. Its a beautiful name, i considered calling my daughter that because of my fave character in the vampire diaries.
don't change it, it's lovely

The name is lovely OP, I don't think that's the issue here. I agree with seeing your GP.

Would it help you to think that it's not the name that you regret, only the spelling? That's much less significant.

It's a lovely name, although I do prefer Elena. It's really easy to request a new birth certificate with the different spelling, if that would make you feel better.

If you're looking for a NN would Elle be more likely to stick?

Don't worry OP, you've picked a beautiful name, you're just having a dither about the spelling.

If you prefer the traditional spelling couldn’t you just change it? I would usually say don’t change a child’s name etc but she’s a baby and her actual name won’t change. It wouldn’t be as if you were changing John to Adam - more like changing Jon to John. She won’t know any different (unless she’s a super whizz kid who can already write at seven months!) and you’ll feel better. And she’ll still basically be called the exact same name.

However if it’s people mistaking it for Eliana that annoys you, that will often happen with any name. I always remember I was looking after my friend’s little girl and we had gone with my kids to a soft play. A grandpa with his little granddaughter asked the little
girl with me her name and she said ‘Olivia.’ He then said ‘oh Libya, lovely name!’

Elaina is lovely and I wouldn’t have though you would mispronounce it when written down whereas Elena I would imagine gets pronounced like Eleanor. Ellie is a really cute nickname and Laney. If the spelling is an issue, I wouldn’t worry. My daughter is Suzie but people always go for Susie or Suzy! Sorry that you had a difficult birth but you have a lovely name for what I’m sure is a lovely baby.

It's lovely.

I'm a supply teacher and I come across all different names all of the time.

I would have no problem reading it on the regular or pronouncing it the way you intended or remembering how to write it.

I think it's really quite a straightforward name.

The name is lovely and the spelling is perfectly ok. It's obvious from it how it should be pronounced.

Oh, this is fine. You made a good choice. Although the spelling is non-traditional it's completely unambiguous. I expect some people will misread it as Elaine but no name is perfect. There is a much greater variety of names in use today; Elaina will by no stretch of the imagination be the most difficult. It's a pretty name.

Hi OP, I have an unusual name, it’s Welsh but still quite unusual in Wales. I’ve had to spell it and have people mispronounce it my whole life and you know what? I LOVE my name. It’s me. It’s part of my identity and having to correct people has done me no harm whatsoever. It’s been useful in work as people remember me. Elaina is beautiful and I’m sure she will love it as she grows. You could always try Laia as a nickname instead of Ella and see if that helps people stick the pronunciation.

Elaina is fine I think - far easier to get the pronunciation right than Elena I would guess. I'm not keen on Ella FWIW. IMHO I think you're worrying more than you need to. Count your blessings, get it in perspective - there are far bigger problems in life to worry about and when they come along - as they inevitably do - this will not seem like a big problem. Just enjoy this precious time with your daughter.

Ooh, I really love the name Elaina! I also like the name Elaine, but it’s quite dated now, so Elaina is a great choice. I like your spelling too - it removes any confusion, or at least, it would for the literate. There’s a little Elena in my DS’s class, and I spent months thinking it was pronounced like Elaina, but it turns out it’s El-en-uh.

Thanks again everyone. These replies have helped settle some of my anxiety. I think ultimately we're probably going to keep things as they are and I hope in time the name will continue to grow with her.

Elena to me is always El en a.

Your spelling is perfect, it makes it easy to pronounce and I know a baby Lainey and love that nn.

One of the great things about growing up now (compared to when I was at school 30 years ago) is that there are many more names and the kids just get on with it. Leave it for a bit and it will just become 'hers'

A beautiful name. I much prefer the spelling you have chosen! I think it can take a while to get used to a name when they are still just such a little tiny baby 💐

Regret turned into all consuming anxiety - help?

My baby turned 4 months this week, and I am suffering from pretty extreme anxiety about his name. It’s got to the stage where it’s literally taken over my life.

When my baby was born, I had a name that I felt a real connection with but my partner vetoed. After to-ing and fro-ing for 4 weeks, trying out a few names that didn’t feel quite right, we picked one on the way into the registry office, right at the last minute and with me feeling really stressed. It was the name we had kept coming back to - we tried it out first, but I decided didn’t feel like the one.

I had immediate regret, and since then have been looking for a better name to change it to. Since anxiety has really taken a hold of me, I feel like I can no longer judge what the right name is, or what I even like. I can’t trust my own judgement any more and don’t know my own mind. I’m totally obsessed with online name forums, you tube channels, internet searches and listening to other kids names in the playground. I think about this all day, every day.

We have a long list of 12-15 names but I literally CANNOT choose. We’ve tried out 8 or 9 names for a few days, but none ever feel ‘right’. There’s a familiar pattern that I start off feeling positive - desperate to fix this - but after 4 or 5 days an allergic reaction creeps in and I
feel like I just can’t use it anymore. He had different names at baby groups all over town and with different people. I keep questioning everything.
Was the name we registered him with ‘meant to be’? Is it very obviously NOT meant to be? When did my anxiety start and when did I have a clear head - should i trust the name I put down in the registry office or move on?

My husband has now conceded to the original name I loved but I can’t even be sure I like that any more. It is a marmite name, and I don’t trust my former self on it.

I feel incapable of choosing, committing or moving forward, yet desperate to resolve this as I know at 4 months babies start to recognise their names, so it’s really important for his development and socialisation.

Ive just finished a course of CBT with the NHS which didn’t help - I helped me see that from a rational POV this is crazy and illogical, but my emotional state / fear is still there. I’ve tried letting my husband choose but just can’t make peace with his decisions. Equally, I feel unable to make one myself. Trying to decide leads to really not just mental anxiety but super strong physical reaction too, with near panic attacks.

I have always been indecisive, and this has turned into anxiety over the last few years when it comes to life decisions about jobs or moving house - but this is next level. I know I need talking therapy long term, but need to fix this right now.

The feelings of guilt, shame, self hatred, embarrassment are so intense - this has literally taken over my life. I cry most days, struggling to hide it from my 2 year old, who has definitely picked up on the background anxiety. I’m so petrified of getting it wrong that I’m frozen, and causing loads of damage in the meantime. I feel terrible about myself and this situation - had anyone experienced anything similar and can give me any hope / suggestions of a way out?

@hellobab , you would probably be better off starting a separate thread, but the advice given to the OP is relevant.

First thing to do is to see your GP to get PND ruled out or treated.

What was the 'marmite' name you wanted at birth? What names were on your shortlist, and what did you name the baby.

You can change a baby's name fairly easily up to a year old, so you have some time to choose a new name.

The name is probably ok, and we'll tell you if it isn't, but being steamrollered into a decision isn't ok, and you can change your mind

@hellobab , there have been quite a few threads similar to your post, so don't worry about that.

I never know how to pronounce Elena if I'm honest. Elaina oaks much more obvious and a prettier spelling imo!

Is a * woops!
We have Eliana on our list which I think might get mistaken for Elaina but it could be worse haha!

Unless you have Greek / Spanish / Italian heritage then Elaina is much simpler and better in my opinion. There are a lot of Elena's round here (diverse area) and everyone seems to pronounce it differently:. ELL-en-uh, Ell-ENNA, Ell-AY-Na??

Please have a chat with your GP re PND just to make sure you get some help if you do need it.

Elaina is a gorgeous name and I like this spelling (I have also seen it spelt Alayna)
I don’t know why people would have problems with it. It’s obvious how you want it pronouncing - Elaine (which is a name so this is why I don’t understand what the issues are from others) just with an A on the end making it El Lay Na.

it’s very pretty and don’t feel pressured to change it - if you like it then keep it xx