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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Taking turns with your partner to name a child

36 replies

Bagging · 28/04/2022 21:46

Has anyone simply left the decision to their partner with the idea that you'd name the next child? How has that gone? Has anyone not liked the name their partner picked, and how did you feel about that?

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kmbegs · 28/04/2022 21:53

I think it should always be fairly joint because you both need to live with that decision. Although when we had our daughter we had two top names and we went with one I preferred when he preferred the other one. If that happened again I guess I would let him have final pick if we both agreed the final names. Although women do so much to get the baby there, and in the first few months especially, if anyone deserves to choose we do!

WeasilyPleased · 28/04/2022 22:17

I agree that is has to be a joint decision. I was very resentful for a while that dh had agreed to my favourite name and then decided he didn't like it.
It seemed to take ages to find anything the other could tolerate but our dd has a beautiful name that we both liked and in my case, because it's her name, now love.
What if you can't have another child?

toastofthetown · 28/04/2022 22:20

I think that's a really bad idea. You should both agree on the name, veery time you name a child. What if one of you changes your mind on a second child or you have secondary infertility? And the number of posts I've seen online from people on both sides when it comes to naming the second child: partner 1 suddenly goes back on the agreement and wants to compromise this time; partner 2 takes their opportunity to choose an outrageous name that they know their partner wouldn't agree too; partner 1 wants input on second child's name; partner 2 resents partner 1's input...

KirstenBlest · 28/04/2022 23:29

Joint decision.
I wouldn't but I know families that let an older sibling name a baby. The baby was named after a best friend at the time or a character in a book. it worked out ok for them but it could go badly.

Dinoteeth · 28/04/2022 23:37

Should be a joint decision, you both have to like it.

No guarantee that another child will be born.

elfran · 29/04/2022 08:18

Nope, terrible idea. You have no idea if you'll even have subsequent children to "even it up", and both parents should be able to love their kids' names.

I almost had a similar deal with my DH; before kids we agreed that if they had his surname, I could decide the first and middles. But when we actually got pregnant, he started having opinions (lol, shocker) and really disliked my first choice for a boy.

For my part, I realised I actually didn't want to unilaterally decide on my baby's name and I valued those discussions with him and finding common ground.

Long story short, DD has a name we both love (my first choice which became his too over the course of pregnancy) and a double barrelled surname. 😉

EsmeeMerlin · 29/04/2022 08:24

We sort of did. I chose DS1 name completely, as soon as I found out we were having a boy I wanted this name and DH agreed. With ds2 we had a small list of names we liked. I had a favourite, DH had a favourite. Knowing that I had chosen ds1 name, we went with DH's favourite name. I like ds2 name but it obviously wasn't the one I would have chosen but he does also have my favourite choice as his middle name which goes really well. Ds2 name was always on the list though so it's a bit different than letting your DH choose any name in the world and letting him go with it. I wouldn't do that.

Elysant · 29/04/2022 09:01

What if you don't have second child? What if he says he doesn't want second child after first? What if you have second thoughts about second child?

What if name other partner picked picked in idea of certain sex? Let say you are having a girl and he want to name girl Heidi and you decide to go with Polina, and next time Heidi, but second child turns into boy and he doesn't like any boy names?

I can see lots of hurt feelings and nothing stops partner to say "Now that we are expecting second child and it's your turn to name a kid, I want to go back on promise and made it into joint decision" or "I know it's your turn, but I don't like it and don't agree to it."

Elysant · 29/04/2022 09:03

Basically, I wouldn't do it, because I don't put so much trust in other people.

Elysant · 29/04/2022 09:47

Not to mention some parent won't be as keen as picking name for dc2 they consider for dc1. Let's say you consider Tabitha and Lenora for baby 1 and you used Tabitha. Now for many parents in real life, Lenora is name forever associated with first baby and can't be considered for baby 2.
That happens more often than not.

Dinoteeth · 29/04/2022 10:59

That's true about not considering a Name for the second child.

We thought about DS1 Name for days, it was between his name and David, in my heart I wanted him to have my Dad's name as a middle name. DH wasn't bothered about the middle name.
We eventually settled on first name MW asked what's the babies name I gave full name DH was "oh I didn't know we'd decided on middle name".

DS2 much less debate about first name, I named him before DH got to the hospital, (induction that went a bit too well) but thought I better double check with DH when he arrived - I've said his names x are you OK with that 🤣 then came much dithering about the middle name.

You both have to like the name.
But I wish I'd taken more time over DS2s middle name it just doesn't really flow.

LadyDanburysHat · 29/04/2022 11:02

I agree you should both like the name. I have a friend who agreed that her husband could name the baby if it was a boy and she would name a girl. They only had one child, a boy. He husband chose a name that did not work in her language, and in her country where the child grew up for most of his life.

MinoucheSapphic · 29/04/2022 12:20

I wouldn't do it. Sounds like a recipe for resentment, if your partner ends up choosing a name that you dislike. Getting to choose the name of the second child wouldn't make up for having to call my firstborn by a name that makes me cringe. There's no guarantee that there will be a second or third child anyway. The choice of name should be a compromise between both parents.

Ihatethenewlook · 29/04/2022 12:23

We had an agreement that I’d name the girls and he’d name the boys. We ended up with 2 girls and 1 boy. Of course we could veto any names we really didn’t like. He didn’t like the first 30-40 names for our first girl! Luckily he loved my first choice name for our second girl, and I loved his first choice for our boy

SAB10 · 29/04/2022 12:27

My parents did this. The result is that me and my middle sister have fairly 'out there' unusual names, while my brother and oldest sister have very classic, timeless names. My sister and I think our names are ugly and a burden to spell etc., whereas my brother and other sister think theirs are dull!

comealongponds · 29/04/2022 14:02

It should be a joint decision. It’s not so bad to take turns picking the final choice out of a couple of names you both love (and understanding you may not get the chance to even it up), but I don’t think one partner should have complete free reign with no input from the other.

Irishfarmer · 29/04/2022 15:12

I could never agree to that! I think both parents need to like their kids names/ have a say in what they are called.

Knifer · 29/04/2022 15:16

Joint decision! Definitely! Just ask my cousins Daniel James and Gilbert Greg.

No, I'm not kidding. Sorry, Gil.

PlinkPlankPlunk · 29/04/2022 15:21

I think it might lead to one of the children being seen as Daddy’s favourite and the other as Mummy’s favourite, or just having a stronger bond with one. Not a good idea

DancingUnderTheLights · 29/04/2022 18:22

Maybe if you're having twins and can't agree but generally I concur with others it's better to agree on names. I've seen a few threads where the man chose the first name with the agreement that the second child would be chosen by the woman but it doesn't happen. Either the man "forgets" that was the agreement or no other child is born leaving the woman feeling annoyed.

Iceddecaflatte · 29/04/2022 18:29

We sort of did it.

Where I come from, the kids tend to take the name of their grandparents traditionally.

First child normally takes the name of dad's parents (either mum or dad) and the second child normally takes the name of mum's parents (either mum or dad).

In our case, we followed this rule/tradition, as otherwise our parents would be VERY upset!

It was a joint decision though and we didn't have any issues with their names!

BiscuitLover3678 · 29/04/2022 18:31

I’d rather a name you both find ‘okay’ then a name just one loves. Recipe for disaster!

Florrey · 29/04/2022 18:33

There might not be a “next child”! After my last birth I couldn’t have any more. I told my husband he can name all the babies he carries and I’ll name the ones I carry. Problem solved!

Elysant · 29/04/2022 19:13

Iceddecaflatte · 29/04/2022 18:29

We sort of did it.

Where I come from, the kids tend to take the name of their grandparents traditionally.

First child normally takes the name of dad's parents (either mum or dad) and the second child normally takes the name of mum's parents (either mum or dad).

In our case, we followed this rule/tradition, as otherwise our parents would be VERY upset!

It was a joint decision though and we didn't have any issues with their names!

That's like saying "we're both okay to following traditions and pleasing other people, so we didn't care about names we're picking." Which have zero impact on the thread cause the question is "would you pick a name you're not okay with."

Elysant · 29/04/2022 19:19

Florrey · 29/04/2022 18:33

There might not be a “next child”! After my last birth I couldn’t have any more. I told my husband he can name all the babies he carries and I’ll name the ones I carry. Problem solved!

What I heard is that it should be joint decision. Ignoring examples like this.

Obviously, it can't always be joint decision, would you really jointly decide your kid's name if one love Desdemona and other Katherine and none wants to budge!
Not to mention middle ground can't naturally occur because middle ground in names is diverse landmine.

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